when it all began | l.s.

Ruined

Harry's POV

My eyes fluttered open and I immediately felt the hangover. I reached up and touched my temples. My head was pounding. Groaning, I rolled over and pulled the blanket up higher, shutting my eyes. I reached out to grab another pillow and hit someone in bed beside me. My eyes snapped open and I sat up on my elbow quickly. He was turned away from me, but I recognized the tattoos lining his arms.

Why is Louis here? What happened last night?

At first I couldn't remember anything that had happened at the party, but then suddenly I did, every second of last night flooding into my brain in a jumble of thoughts.

Louis. Eleanor. Drinking. Slept together. Drinking. Angry. Drinking. Dancing. Kissing. Oh my god.

Oh. My. God.

I had kissed a random girl. Louis had found me and brought me back to my hotel after making sure Niall had a ride with someone else, but why had he stayed? I didn't remember that part. Louis should've been furious with me. Hell he shouldn't have come to find me, he should've just left me out in the dark. That's what I deserved.

I got out of bed and grabbed my phone off the bedside table, heading into the living room. As soon as I turned it on I was bombarded by a thousand notifications. Tons of people had taken pictures and videos of me kissing that girl, whose name I still didn't know, and it was all over the internet. I opened up messages and saw texts from Niall, Liam, and Zayn. I decided I'd answer Niall first.

Niall: Hey. Saw the stuff on Twitter. What the hell happened? Thought you and Louis were back

Harry: I know. Eleanor was there and I got mad which was fucking stupid

Niall must've been on his phone already because he answered right away.

Niall: Why'd you get mad?

Harry: Ugh I don't know. I got super jealous and then I asked Louis if they'd slept together

Niall: Well, I'm assuming they had. They were together for quite a while. So you got mad at that?

Harry: Guess so

Niall: Well did you sleep with people after Louis?

Harry: Yes

Niall: Come on, Harry. How can you get mad at him then?

Harry: I know I know it was stupid. I hate myself. I just got really jealous and I didn't even consider that I did the same thing as him

Niall: Does he know about you kissing that girl?

Harry: Yes. He saw it happen

Niall: Shit

I looked towards the bedroom and rubbed my face with one hand before typing again.

Harry: He brought me back to my hotel and he's here right now

Niall: WHAT????

"Harry?"

I turned to see Louis standing in the doorway, his eyes barely open. He was wearing a white t-shirt and sweats, both of which were mine, and very baggy on him. He looked so small standing there. I stood up from the couch and walked over to him.

"Hey. Didn't know you slept here," I said.

"I called my driver to pick us up from the club and I didn't wanna bother him too much," he explained. I nodded and looked down at the floor. I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eyes after what I'd done.

"I um, I just, I . . ." I began, then trailed off. I had no idea what to say to him.

"I know," he said. Finally I looked up at him, confused. He should yell at me, and tell me off. He should punch me in the face for god's sake. "Harry I know you didn't mean it. I know you were drunk, and you didn't know what you were doing. You got jealous. It happens. I know you're smart enough to know what you did was wrong, and that you overreacted when Eleanor showed up. I can tell you're beating yourself up about it, and that you regret it, so there's no need to apologize."

I stared at him in awe. How was he being so calm about everything?

"Now, uh, that being said," he continued, "I think it's best if I go. I'll see you . . . when I see you," he finished and headed for the door. I sighed heavily, knowing this was probably over for good. He stopped for a moment and spun back around. My eyebrows raised. "It's cool if I wear your stuff back to my hotel, yeah?"

All I could do was nod, and then he was gone.

As soon as the door closed I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, and I didn't try to stop them from falling. I fell down on my knees and sobbed, my entire body aching. I had ruined everything after just having gotten him back. Why did I always screw things up for us? I wanted to go back in time and fix it, but I couldn't. I couldn't do anything. I'd lost him, and I knew it. Surely he was finished with me.

I picked myself up off the floor and went into the bedroom, throwing myself onto the mattress and shoving my face into a pillow. I thought back to the last time we'd broken up.

"Harry? Haz? Where are you?" Louis called out.

"I'm in here," I shouted from the kitchen. He came in and leaned against the counter. By the look on his face I could tell things hadn't gone well.

"So, uh, management says we need to break things off and discontinue any and all contact. We have to distance ourselves and be seen with other people right away," he explained, sadness in his eyes. I brought my hand up to my mouth, my eyes wide.

"Oh god," was all I could get out. He moved closer to me and put his hand on my shoulder, rubbing it lightly.

"There was nothing more I could do. I begged and pleaded but they wouldn't listen. I'm so sorry, Harry."

"Are you kidding? I'm the one who needs to apologize. Louis this is all my fault and we both know it. I'm so so sorry I put you in this situation." I took his hand in mine and stared at our intertwined fingers. He put his free hand under my chin and tilted my head up so we were face to face.

"It's not all your fault, love. We should be able to be in a public relationship without it being such a big deal." Tears began welling in my eyes. "Hey, hey, don't cry. Listen, one day we will be together happily, okay? I promise. I'll never let go of what we have."

"One day," I repeated softly. Louis nodded, and then he leaned in closer to my face, but I backed away. "Lou, I thought we can't?"

"Just one more time," he said, leaning in once again. This time I let it happen, and closed the gap between us, connecting my lips to his. At first it was sweet, but it soon became more passionate and heated. He bit my bottom lip and I gasped so he took the opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth. I moaned at the feeling and wanted more of him. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer so our bodies were pressed together. I kissed him like I'd never kissed him before, knowing it would be a long time before I could do this again. Suddenly he pulled away and I frowned.

"Harry, I want to, but we can't." He didn't have to say more, I knew what he meant. I wanted to take things further but he was right. It wouldn't make it any easier to be apart.

"I . . . I love you Louis," I stammered. I couldn't bare the thought of losing him.

"I love you too, Harry, more than you will ever know," he replied.

We'd been so happy back then, but I'd gone and ruined it by kissing him in public. And now I'd ruined us by kissing someone else in public.

What the hell is wrong with me?

***

A/N: Hey guys! So these last couple chapters have sucked as far as the writing goes because I'm just having a lot of trouble writing right now. I hope it hasn't been too bad though. Like I said, I will eventually come back and edit them, but for now I just wanted to update!

Thank you to whoever is reading this!

~bee. xo.