when it all began | l.s.

Gone

Louis' POV

I stood out on the balcony and inhaled deeply before slowly blowing the smoke out into the air. I watched as it dispersed and disappeared into the dark of the night. It would've been pitch black if not for the light bouncing off the street below me, the street lights on but dim. I leaned on the railing and sighed, letting my head hang down. I felt the tears coming to my eyes but I refused to let them fall.

I hate myself.

I knew Harry wouldn't forgive me. How could he?

He did the same thing to you. He kissed a random girl at a club and you forgave him. Surely he'll do the same.

I stomped out my cigarette on the cement and turned to head back inside. As I stepped in, the door swung open and there was Zayn followed by Liam and Harry.

"Are you kidding me, Louis?" Zayn shouted at me from across the room. "You cheated on Harry? After everything you guys have been through you think it's okay to just go kissing random chicks at the club?" he spat.

"No, I just—"

"Shut up! I'm not finished! Harry loves you. You know how much Harry loves you, and yet you're just going to treat him like shit? He deserves better than that!" Zayn paused, and then stared into my eyes. "He deserves better than you." He spoke that last sentence much lower and quieter. It was almost a whisper, but it hurt the most. My eyes were burning as I did the best I could not to break down.

I hate myself.

"Zayn. I did the exact same thing to him just a couple months ago," Harry said softly before there was a long moment of silence. "I think you and Liam should leave." Liam grabbed Zayn's arm gently and they headed out, Liam whispering something to Harry when he passed him. Once they were gone I stared down at the floor, wiggling my toes on the carpet, too ashamed to even look at him.

He took one step forward. "Lou." My nickname stung, and I fought as hard as I could to hold back the tsunami behind my eyes. "I know you didn't want to kiss her." He took another step. "I know you regret it. I know you're wishing you could undo all of this, because I know you, Louis." Now he was right in front of me. "But, these things, they're hard to just brush off. We've both done this horrible thing to each other, and it's not healthy. I think, maybe . . ." he trailed off.

When I finally pried my eyes off the floor and looked up at him I saw the tears rolling down his cheek, and knew what was coming.

He sniffled. "I think that maybe we should end this before we do anything worse."

My heart broke. I felt it being torn apart in my chest, and there was nothing I could do. I tried to control my breathing, but everything was too much. The tears started flowing down my face like a waterfall as I stood staring at the beautiful man before me. Even when he was crying he was absolutely stunning. I clenched my jaw and shut my eyes, wishing I could transport myself back to the beginning.

"I don't know," he said.

"Oh come on! Sing me something!" I pressed. We were sat in the grass outside the house and I'd been trying to get him to sing for ten minutes. He was sitting across from me, our knees touching.

"I'm scared," he admitted.

"Harry," I said taking his hands in mine. "You never have to be scared around me."

"Really?"

"Really." He smiled faintly and then suddenly he was singing. His gorgeous voice soothed my ears as he sang 'Isn't She Lovely,' the song that got him where he was today. The song that led him to me and made sure he never left. I watched silently as he sang to the ground, his chocolate brown curls falling into his face. And when he finally finished, he looked up at me and smiled faintly, our hands still locked together.

"Beautiful," was the only word I could manage to get out.

Harry grabbed my wrist lightly, pulling me away from my thoughts. I was aching to hug him and tell him we could get through this, but I knew that wouldn't be right. I knew Harry was right, but right isn't what I wanted. In that moment I didn't want to do the right thing. All I wanted was Harry, forever.

"Louis I'm so sorry, I—"

"No, don't. Don't apologize. You have nothing to apologize for." And maybe he did, but I didn't care. "I'm the one who should be apologizing. I am sorry, Harry. You have no idea how sorry I am."

"My heart is breaking, Lou."

"I know. Mine's the same."

"I don't want to do this, to . . . end this, but I think it's the right decision."

"That doesn't mean it's the good decision."

"It has to be done. It's just not working for us anymore."

I nodded, my vision blurry. "I know."

"I l-love you, Louis," he stammered. This felt like the hardest thing I'd ever have to go through. "You have to know that. I love you so so much."

"I love you too, Haz. More than the world."

We stood there in silence for a few minutes, because we both knew once the moment ended, it was all over. We were no longer a couple, we were just bandmates. Colleagues.

After a while he explained that he could stay the night with Niall, and then he was just gone.

Harry was gone, and I would probably never get him back.

***

A/N: so this chapter is short and I'm sorry about that. I'm also sorry because rip larry but don't get too worried!! I feel like maybe I could've done better on this chapter as far as the writing goes. let me know what you thought of it please

thanks for reading. always.

~bee. xo.