Split ~ Yungblud

Doctor Doctor

*Maddie's POV*

There I was, stone cold, quivering with anxiety whilst sitting opposite my doctor, Sharon. She told me that she wants me to come off my medication to see how I cope all on my own.
I was mortified. I knew this day would come soon, I just didn't want to fight this all alone. I'd been on antidepressants for years now. I can't remember life before them if I'm honest.

"I can't do that, Sharon. I rely on them..." I gulped, trying to swallow the lump in my throat that was internally suffocating me.

"Maddie, I believe that it's time for you to move on to bigger and better things. You can't stay on antidepressants forever. They're designed to be a short term help and in the long term you have to help yourself. The only person you can trust completely is yourself and if you believe you'll be okay, you'll be okay."

She was right. My mother passed away when I was just 14 years old. I'm 18 now. It's time for me to finally try and become an adult and accept that she's gone. But I was scared. I needed the support and love from my dad but he was always away on work trips and I'm constantly stuck at home with my stepmom who I cannot stand. It's not easy being Maddie.

"Thank you for believing in me. With the support of you and Mia, I think I'll be just fine. I suppose it's me, myself and I, right?" I flashed her a smile to get her off my back. I wanted to go home.

I was lying.

"You can always come and see me if you need to. My doors always open. You've got my number right?" Sharon reassured me by gently squeezing my hand. I nodded. "Also, Mia seems like a great friend. She will look after you. Best friends are so special."

I said goodbye to her and dragged myself out of the building. It was odd walking past the pharmacy and not picking up my prescription. Emotions piled into my mind. It was finally time to do this on my own. It's time to be independent and grow up a little, throwing myself into harsh reality.

To me, it seems like I've been on medication for my whole life. Well...it seems like an entire life ago since I lost my mum. I've suffered with depression, anxiety and ptsd ever since. I remember my doctors would tell me I'm "hurting" instead of using the word "depression". I'm depressed. Okay. Spit it out. My mother was perfect. She never failed to make us smile. She always made sure we were happy. I miss her so much everyday. She didn't deserve to get ill.

I sighed and looked up at the baby blue sky. The clouds drifted across the sky so smoothly that it made me feel relaxed.

'Well here's to a new me...'