Split ~ Yungblud

The Confession

I was shaking. Knowing Dom was reading my suicide note had me on the edge of the sofa with my fists clenched. How could a 'sweet' and 'innocent' girl like me ever try and kill herself? I glared at his facial expression to seek approval. Was he going to be mad at me? Was he going to be disappointed in me? Fear pumped around my head like it was trying to escape. My adrenaline was surging so hard I felt sick. I could tell that Dom was coming close to read the last line on the page. I gulped.

"Maddie, I-" He swallowed so hard, I saw the lump in his throat disappear. When he spoke his voice trailed slowly, like his words were unwilling to take flight.

I weakly smiled at him as a tear wept from my eye. 

"I didn't know any of this happened. You seem so...strong." He scooted closer to me and hugged me. There are hugs where you still have space to breathe and move about and there are hugs where you get squeezed so tightly that it tells everything that your are - body, brain and soul - that they are with you. Dom did exactly that. His strong arms cradled me and my face laid up against his chest. I listened to his heartbeat which was rapid.

"I have some confessions too." I croaked. My words barely escaped my mouth. He tried to pull away but I didn't let him. I wanted him to know his warmth was comforting me. I was falling for him, hard. I took a deep breath and sighed. I sat up and curled up in the corner of the sofa. "Get comfortable, my life is a mess."

Dom shifted into the other corner of the sofa and patiently waited for me to cough up my words.

"It all started when I was about seven. I don't really remember much to be honest. Ever since it happened I have had a fuzzy memory of my childhood. My mum passed away when I was young. I don't really know what she died of, only that it was a type of cancer. Apparently it runs in my mum's side of the family but i've never met any of them so now I have to worry that i'll get it too. She was only 33 when she died which is very young. Me and my dad have lived together ever since and he's been my rock. When I was twelve I started to get better and get creative again but then my dad brought home a woman who's now my stepmum. She's vile and treats me so badly. Once she moved in, my dad got a new job and started going away on business trips all the time, leaving me with her. He doesn't see how she treats me and I don't want to talk to him about it. I've suffered mental health problems like depression, anxiety and ptsd ever since I was little and the whole note scenario happened when I was sixteen." 

I paused. Wow that was only two years ago! He must think i'm crazy.

"My best-friend, Mia, who was at the fancy dress party with me, is my only friend. She's been there for me for as long as I can remember and if it wasn't for her finding me how I was, I wouldn't be here right now. She means the absolute world to me. As you can probably tell, I get bullied at school. I'm so thankful it's half term right now as I find it difficult to cope getting up in the morning knowing I have to face people like Amelia..."

"Do you want me to speak to Amelia?" Dom raised his eyebrow. I knew he could because she fancies him but I'm definitely too protective to let her near him now.

"I don't know. Do you think she will listen?"

He shrugged. "Probably not. It is Amelia after all. She doesn't listen to anyone."

Amelia is the worst. I've had to deal with her bullshit for years and it's sickening that she treats people how she does and doesn't feel bad about it. "I really don't like her. She's never helped my situation...just made it worse."

"Maddie, I never knew anything about you. I had no idea about your mum, or your mental health." Dom looked upset. I suppose he relates considering he left his entire family and friends behind when he was Lloyd. 

"It's okay. I wanted to tell you about me. I thought it was only fair as you gave me your diary. I'll read some more tonight. I didn't feel the need to snoop but now I just want to learn about you."

He smiled. "You're gorgeous, Maddie. Do you know that?"

There's a kind of blushing that shows your soul, a sort of compliment to the eyes and the delicate sweetness within. It shows a connection, that the smile and shyness come from some deep emotion... and that's a beautiful thing, that's something real. I felt so lucky to be right here with him.

"So when are you releasing your album then?" I changed the subject before I ended up becoming too soppy. I didn't want to put him off.

"I'm going to do it tomorrow. It's ready. I'll give you a copy to take home with you tonight so you can have a listen before it's released." He stood up, walked over to the desk and picked up an album.

"I wasn't aware it was ready! Congratulations Dom. I'm super proud of you!" He handed me the album. I noticed that on album cover he was wearing all black with bright pink socks. His hair was swept forward and he had edited himself standing in flames. "What's with the change of style?" I giggled.

"When it goes public I want people to know me as Yungblud. Yungblud is my alter ego who wears dark clothing, has long dark hair and wears eyeliner."

Weird.

"Oh, and the pink socks are a statement. I want to stand out. Yungblud is a badass" He started laughing.

I liked the idea but he usually dressed quite preppy not like a goth. I was just a little shocked. "Yungblud eh? Sounds very edgy. Is there another reason you're trying to hide your identity? I get you don't want the police on your case but-"

"I just don't want to get caught. I want to tour and do shows but I wouldn't be able too otherwise." He looked excited.

"That's awesome! You want to tour!?" 

He nodded. "I want to play big venues. It's always been my dream to inspire people whilst doing what I love." 

He's so passionate. I was jealous that Dom had a hobby which meant a lot to him. Music was his escape and his reality. I was curious to listen to his songs and read more of his diary. "I think I'm going to head home after we order food. I want to listen to your album!"