Split ~ Yungblud

Lloyd's Diary

Dear Diary,

Today wasn't a great day at all. Jasmine's mad at me. I was busy helping out at the old folks home i volunteer in and she was upset. She told me that I was a shit boyfriend for not going to her house on demand when she needed me. She expects me to do everything she says all the time and it's getting quite tedious if i'm completely honest. I couldn't walk out on the job i was doing, not today. It was bingo day, the elderly's favourite day. I wasn't going to ruin that for them. I loved volunteering, it makes me feel like a good person. I love giving back to people.

When i saw her later on, her eyes shifted to the side again like she always does and then became glazed with a glassy layer of her tears. She looked broken but was she? As she blinked, they dripped from her eyelids and slid down her cheeks like little rivers. She bit her lip hard in attempt to hide any sound that wanted to escape from her mouth; my heart sank. I hate seeing people cry. Her lower lip quivered as words slowly made their way out of her mouth. "You're..." She began, yet what followed was engulfed in the tremors her body gave. 

"Go on..." I comforted her and gave her shoulder a supportive, gentle squeeze whilst smiling at her.

"I don't want to, you don't deserve to know..." She spat. "You never care or have cared about me!"

That was very rich coming from her. I gave up going to my aunties wedding to comfort her when her hamster died but she was out partying when my nan passed away last year. I've always helped her out ever since i met her.

"Why did you ask me to come here then?" I asked. I was infuriated by her words. Yet again, Jasmine causes my heart to shatter. She always fails to stay calm. It's almost impossible for her to act like an adult in any situation.

She's told me before that it was my fault her hamster died, my fault she was always upset, my fault she was depressed. My fault this, my fault that. Always my fault.

Anger boiled deep in my system, as hot as lava. It churned within, hungry for destruction, and I knew it's too much for me to handle. The pressure of this raging sea of anger would force me to say things I didn't mean, or to express thoughts I've suppressed for weeks. I was so angry. She blames me for almost everything. I'm sick of it. Three years in to our relationship and she's causing yet another argument. I'm sick of it. All I do is try and make her happy, write her songs, sing to her, tickle her back, get her whatever she needs and most importantly I treat her like a princess. She treats me like I don't mean anything to her. She makes me feel awful but I love her... I just cannot let go. I don't know what to do. I'm so lost.