The Quiet Sin

Down To Ash

Silence followed the sound of a closing set of heavy bars. And at the same time, Jungkook's hope had all but shattered as he sat there staring at the note that his beloved friend had left behind.

Staring blankly at the piece of paper in hand, Jungkook had not the slightest clue as to what to feel until his memories began to eat him alive.

Remembering his smile and how it had made him feel the first time he saw it.

Hearing him laugh for the time as if there was not a care in the world.

The love in his eyes that he often witnessed whenever he would set eyes on Jiu.

And..

The heart-wrenching image of his body after death.

At times, he could be so warm. Yet, in recent years after that night, he became more and more unlike himself. He was cold again - Just as he had been in Bangtan. He was distant and unwilling to open up. Yet, despite knowing that none of this was within his control, he forever blamed himself for causing so much harm in the lives he felt would not have been disturbed if they had never come to know him.

Including Taehyung's death..

Min Yoongi, after that fateful day, had truly become the Agust D that Bangtan wanted him to be. And it crushed him/him. Having to witness the horrors of what blaming himself had done to him all these years and wanting nothing to do with the past tore him apart.

But what was worst of all,

What would never ever leave his mind

Is the image feel of Min Yoongi's cold, hard body that laid there in the bed sheets surrounded by the evidence of his cause of death:

A suicide.

Yet, to Jungkook, that wasn't what had killed him. It was him.

He, the loyal trick dog that had failed while pining for his love for years, was now blaming himself for the cause of his death.

Jiu,

I know I promised I'd never leave you, or that if I did, I'd always come back for you. But I've been away from you for such a long time and therefore began to settle in with the changes of the world.

The view of the letter of letter became blurry as he read it and he could feel his face getting hot.

To be the be holding the last words of your best friend was truly the thing that hurt him a lot.

Especially since he knew he failed to save him.

I̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶d̶y̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶e̶n̶d̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶a̶l̶l̶ ̶s̶i̶n̶c̶e̶ the first day I saw you again, but.. Something about you told me that you hadn't changed even though you had obviously shown me you had..

To him, the world was suffocating him as he read on and on. He could still hear his voice as he read which tore him apart. He had been so shredded that he couldn't hear the complaints of the other inmates telling him to shut up.

And so, because I still had hopes of loving you, I took you in and began to take care of you. It was a journey I was glad to take, despite not showing it, but you must understand that I still held onto way more damage that could ever be forgive or fixed.

Curling up into a ball on the cot, Jungkook kept the letter close to his heart thinking of a way to make things right and how to repay him. But, since he was now dead, how could he?

I did not want to taint you again with my sins. I didn't want my face to be the sole reminder and cause of your sorrow everyday of what you have lost because of me. ̶I̶̶ ̶̶a̶̶m̶̶ ̶̶f̶̶o̶̶r̶̶e̶̶v̶̶e̶̶r̶̶ ̶̶s̶̶o̶̶r̶̶r̶̶y̶̶ ̶̶t̶̶o̶̶ ̶̶y̶̶o̶̶u̶̶ ̶̶f̶̶o̶̶r̶̶ ̶̶k̶̶i̶̶l̶̶l̶̶i̶̶n̶̶g̶̶ ̶̶y̶̶o̶̶u̶̶r̶̶ ̶̶b̶̶r̶̶o̶̶t̶̶h̶̶e̶̶r̶̶,̶ but I cannot undo time. For you, if I could, I would go back and make it so I never went to that University and henceforth would have never met you.

Staring straight ahead at the wall and nightstand, his eyes focused in on the small, yet shiny sharp object.

I Love You, Jiu.

Sitting up on his cot, he eventually stood to approach the sharp object.

But I can't torture myself or you any longer.

Soon, he was biting his lip in pain as he tried not to make a sound at the sudden decision he had made. Then suddenly, his mind reminded him of Jiu.

What would become of her? Who would look after her? And, most if all, would she ever get the chance to read his last letter?
Quickly regretting his decision, he grabbed the paper, tainting it a bright crimson red.

"I have to give this to Jiu." He said to himself. "Help!"

"You better shut the fuck up before I come in there and sew your mouth shut with my fist!" The voice next door said. But he didn't care.

He couldn't care. Because if he did care, and if he would have just shut up, he knew that the guards would be too late.

Please forgive me,

"I'm sorry, Jiu." He whispered as he felt his fingers and the rest of his body going cold. "I never meant to leave you too. I'm sorry." Crying to himself, the cell became so clear and void of any sounds or hints of movement.

민윤기

"The heart's memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good." ~ Gabriel García Márquez