Nothing Runs Smoothly (Editing)

Chapter 22 - 'Brother and sister together we'll make it through'

This morning I got the news that Jamie is on his way home. In a way it has brightened my spirits, but only a little. It's gonna take a whole lot more to take me out of my glum frame of mind. Last night was probably the worst I have ever slept in my life, between the harrowing tears and the fact that I couldn't stop thinking, I didn't actually get that much rest. It's really hard to hold back the tears. All I have to do is think about her and they come streaming. But the best thing I can do is stop thinking about it, pretend my mums fine and ignore the pain. I do know that I shouldn't be doing that, but it's the only way I can cope!

I stared out of the car window as the rain slashed against the grey dull pavements. If my mood was a picture, I’m pretty sure the scene outside is the matching image. After a pretty much silent car journey, my dad pulled up outside the hospital. “Be brave Carly...” he said taking my hand in his across the car. I nodded and leaned over to give him a hug. “Jamie's flight gets in at eleven and he said he is just going to go straight to the hospital so keep an eye out for him. I will pick you both up at two, yeah?”. Yet again I just nodded, I haven't really talked to anyone all morning, just Owen (pretty much because he's the only one that doesn't know what's going on). “Okay, see you soon darlin, phone me if you need anything.”

“Yeah...bye dad,” I said quietly before stepping out the car and making my way to the hospital entrance. I felt kind of nervous, I don't know how I am going to put on a brave face today.

Within minutes I was outside of mums door. As I slowly pushed it open I saw her up and about reading a card in her hand. “Hiya mum,” I said making my presence clear. She turned round with a smile on her face. That was something I haven't seen in a while, sure I saw her small weak smiles but nothing like the genuine one she's wearing now. “Oh hey,” she said putting down the card.

“Mum, shouldn't you be resting in bed?” I asked worried. I didn't want her to strain herself and get worse. She tutted and rolled her eyes.

“It's not my legs that have cancer!” she joked. I winced at the mention of cancer, it really scares me. Mum must have noticed as she frowned at me in confusion.

“Are you okay Carly? Just because I’m dying doesn't mean I can't joke around a bit. I want my last days to be fun!” she said walking over to me. I forced a fake smile and pulled her softly into a hug. This whole situation is so surreal, just a few days ago we were arguing like usual, and now we're all smiles and hugs. But as much as it seems alien, it brings me back to the days when we were close.

She pulled away and began to examine my face, her eyes wondering across my eyes. I knew my eyes were about to spill but I really didn't want her to see me crying again. “I want to spend my last days with you! Like the good old days, lets make up for the time we lost. So, no more tears Carly. Lets just enjoy the time we have yeah?” she said resting her hands on my shoulders.

“Yeah, I like the sound of that...I've really missed you mum,” I said truthfully. The thing that would upset me most about our arguing was that I really missed the old her. I really didn't mean the horrible things I said to her. She has been an amazing mum to me throughout my childhood and it hurt when we grew apart...I guess I took my emotions out as anger towards her. I feel so awful for doing that!

“Aww, I’ve missed US. I want no arguing, no tears and no talking of the cancer, just enjoy our time!” she said with a small smile. I nodded with a smile and walked over to sit on one of the chairs. I actually wanted to ask a few questions...even though it upsets me to hear it, I still feel a bit clueless. “Can I ask one question?” I asked apprehensively wondering if she'll flip. She sighed as she lay on her bed. “Just one! I've had enough of it from the nurses,”

“...Who else knows? Like, does auntie Sue know?” I asked softly.

“No...I have only told my best friend Rosie...and now you,” she said it as if she felt guilty about it. I felt so sorry for her having to deal with this basically on her own!