Nothing Runs Smoothly (Editing)

Chapter 23 - 'Grace me with your cold shoulder,'

Things have been pretty awkward in the house recently. Jamie and I have PROPERLY fallen out now. With a lot of force from my dad he apologised to me, well he didn't actually say the words 'I’m sorry', so I suppose it was more him trying to reason with me why he did it. Even with that I still didn't forgive him. I’ve been trying to avoid Kris coming to the house as much as possible, I’m scared that Jamie might go nuts again.

For mums sake we have been civil during visits so that her last days are happy ones with no arguing just like she wanted. Being with him for that amount of time just makes me even more annoyed at him! The car journeys to the hospital have been the worst. Jamie tries to talk to me and make things better but he only makes things worse. I've been tempted to make peace with him because I do miss him, he's my brother and I hate being so annoyed with him but what he did was inexcusable!

Mum did notice that we were being distant to each other, so we tried our best to convince her we are still the loving brother and sister that we usually are. I hate lying to her! It's so hard to act like I’m not raging at Jamie whilst at the same time I have to act like I’m not falling to pieces over my mums lack of time.

As I promised her I have been to see her every day! Dad managed to reason with the school to let me take some time off to savor the days with my mum. Tashie and Marcus are missing me but they wished me all the best with my mum. It's going to take a heck of a lot of wishes to make her better though.

With every visit I can literally see the life draining from her as she gets weaker and weaker. It's so hard to see her like that and not have a breakdown. I practically cried myself to sleep every night, it's all too much for me to cope with. Heather (her nurse) said it wont be long till she's in a wheelchair! I decided to take my opportunity and take mum out to the river Tay today like she wanted to while she still has the energy to walk. Unfortunately she wanted Jamie to come along too, so the three of us set off this morning for a short walk.

“I wonder if we will see any swans today,” said mum as she clutched onto Jamies arm for support as she walked. I smiled at her, “I hope so.” The riverside was quiet and peaceful like it usually is giving me time to think to myself. The memories of my childhood came flooding back, the days when my parents were together, the days when Jamie stayed in one place, the days when my mum was healthy. I miss them. As a child I didn't have a care in the world, I didn't even realise the break in my parents marriage...how naive of me. I had no Idea how much my life was going to change! From us being a happy little four to where we are now. My dad getting remarried and having another child, Jamie setting off around the world into a deathly battlefield for a living and now this disaster with cancer. It's fair to say nothing has been smooth for me during my teen years.

The divorce was one of the worst moments in my life! I couldn't seem to understand how two people who I thought loved each other could part in the way they did. I adore my dad and to see him walk out of my mothers life felt like he was walking out on me! As much as it hurt and as much as I hated it, I couldn't stop it from happening. It all seems quite silly now, it was a good move for my dads life. He met Dawn who is perfect for him, as much as I love my mum...I can see now how she wasn't the one my dad was meant to be with. Owen is the best thing to come out of it I think. I love him as if he is my own! He's one of my best friends...as crazy as that sounds.

I try not to remember the time of their divorce. Although things are fine now, I don't like to remember that horrible time of my life. I started to feel a bit emotional so I tried to tune out my thoughts and focus on what Jamie and mum were talking about. “...and you guys are going to have such successful lives! I do wish I could be there to see you get married and to spoil my grandchildren, but you will do fine without me,” she said softly. I hadn't even thought about the future without her until now...I have always imagined her at my wedding. Losing her is going to be harder than I thought. “I'm going to miss you so much mum...” I told her as a single tear escaped my eye. I quickly wiped it away so that they wouldn't see it. I think I was quick enough to fool them. “I know darlin...but I don't want you guys to be down in the dumps when I’m gone. I want yous to enjoy your life! You have so much to look forward to. You're young, you have lots of lovely friends and family around you and of course you've got Kris,” she said with smirk as she nudged my side playfully. I supplied her with a gentle smile in return. She's right, I do have lots of loved ones but that won't stop me from missing her! “Carly?” she said tilting her head.

“Yeah..?”

“Can I meet him?...Kris I mean. I want to meet the boy who's making you so happy,” she said smiling at me. As soon as mum said it I saw Jamie tense and frown at the very mention of the idea. I tried my best to ignore it. I had to think about it for a second. I’m not sure if Kris would want to meet her...I don't know, he might feel a bit awkward about meeting her in the hospital and stuff. “I will ask him,” I replied.

“Oh goody,” she said smiling. “Jamie have you met him?” she asked. He paused and removed his eyes from mum.

“Yeah...briefly,” he stated bluntly.

“That's good. What was he like?”

“Emm...he's alright I guess. He seems to love Carly which is the most important thing,” he said looking directly at me. His answer surprised me! Although he has never actually said he dislikes Kris I always just assumed he did. I guess it's more the fact that I have a boyfriend that Jamie seems to hate. It's none of his business! As much as I’m pissed at him I’m glad he has changed his tune slightly.

“Aww that's sweet,” said mum smiling at me.

Her eyes suddenly widened as she looked behind me. “There's a swan!” she said excitedly pointing to the river. I smiled and turned around in a hurry. I smiled even more as my eyes met not one but three beautiful swans gliding across the mild water. They have to be my favourite animal. The way they float so gracefully on top of even the roughest of rivers, and the way they're necks create a heart shape when united with another – What's not to love! I watched in wonderment as the small white flock made they're way to the river bank. I quickly got some bread from mum to feed them before they disappeared. All three of us fed a swan each. I smiled as one of them shook they're neck back trying to swallow the thick crust.

“Smile guys!” I heard Jamie say. I tuned to see him holding a camera towards mum and I. I smiled and stood next to mum for him to take a photograph. I never even thought about getting some last photos with her. At least Jamie was thinking straight. We continued to take a few more photos and feed the swans until they eventually swam away.

Just before we started to make out way back to the car I received a text from Tashie:

'Hey, do you know how to block numbers on your phone!?!? I NEED to know how!:( xx'    I frowned to myself as I read it. I hope she isn't in any sort of trouble!

'Emm I have no idea sorry! Why do you need to block someone??:S xx'

'Ergh It's Tyler! He keeps texting me. It's REALLY pissing me off! >:| xx'   I had to laugh slightly. Ever since they're date the two of them have hated each other! But secretly I think Tyler enjoys winding her up. And Tashie would deny it, but I think she does like the attention. Even if it is annoying to her.

'HAHA! Just send him a sext and be done with it! ;) xx'. I joked.

'Eww! No! I don't know why he's texting me, all he is doing is giving me abuse and slagging me off! To be honest he's just wasting his phone credit because he's firing insults to a brick wall! Xx'

'Haha!!Oh you! Just ignore him then! :O xx'

It was so typical of Tashie to text back! She could have just left it and been in peace but now she has started an argument. I sighed and shoved my phone back into my pocket. The time had come for us to take mum back to the horrid hospital!

It was really good to get to take her out for the day. She hates being stuck within the same four walls. Her nurse said this will probably be the last time though. I can see how much mum is struggling with each day that passes by. It only makes my battle with emotions even worse! Every day I reassure myself that I can do this...and that I’m trying my best to please my mum!

A/N - Sorry this chapter is so short and It took ages! But i've been away so I didn't get much time to do it. I PROMISE a long one next time!:D 

Thanks for reading guys! x