Romira

Chapter - 57

Here it's safe, here it's warm,
Here the daisies guard you from every harm,
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true,
Here is the place where I love you.
~Suzanne Collins.
......

Akira

"When?" Is the first word comes out of my mouth.

"Yesterday." She sniffs.

I frown, "But you were there with Luke, weren't you?"

"I was until he had to go somewhere. He wanted to drop me off first but I refused, I wanted to enjoy more. I told him I'd leave with Grace and turned out she had another plan. I didn't want to mess with her plans then Lucas offered and I agreed.

"Everything was normal until we reached here. I was getting out of his car and I stumbled but before I could I fell he caught me. We were laughing our ass about my clumsiness and then something happened, I don't know what but it was a whole new feeling for me. One minute I was staring into his eyes and next I was kissing him. I know I had drinks but I was sobber enough to know I was kissing someone who wasn't my boyfriend and the worst thing is I didn't even want to stop. If it weren't for Lucas who stopped before it could get any further, I don't think I would have stopped."

She is breathing heavily at the end as tears of guilt once again start to form. She is ashamed to cheat on Luke and even more ashamed to enjoy the kiss with Lucas. Guilt is one of the most torturous emotion, it makes us unable to think rationally by leading us on the way of self loathing. We can't think of anything else but the reasons to fuel our self hatred.

"Do you love Luke?" It's an important question to me and so is it's answer.

I have always believed if someone loves their partner truly then they could never think of hurting them. Intentionally or not. Cheating is an ultimate way to hurt anyone. Although their is no excuse for cheating but their are reasons for it.

"I do love him. But I don't think I'm in love with him. I thought about it and I thought a lot, I realized that our love is more about familiarity and comfortableness. It is like to love a friend, not a lover. There was no sparks, no passion and no excitement. I convinced myself that this is how everyone feels when in love.

"But it was until I saw what you and King have, it is something special. I like the way King's eyes would only focus on you and how his entire attention never alters away from you. Fuck I could practically feel the heat emerging from both you when you stare at each other. Luke never stares me like that, it is like our relationship was never alive. But Lucas, he was staring me the way I wanted to be stared at. He was looking at me like I was his whole world and I fucking loved it. If I had to revisit and revise, I wouldn't change a thing about yesterday. I don't regret kissing Lucas."

I think I am starting to understand her. She is confused between loving someone and being in love with someone. Loving someone is good and being in love with someone is best. Their should be no question really, the answer is clear.

I place my hand on her and ask her softly, "Are you going tell Luke?"

Her expression shutters at my question. She hangs her head down and inhales, "I don't know. I mean of course I'm going to tell Luke. He deserves to know. I just don't know how to tell him without hurting him. I may not be in love with him but I care about him. We have been friends for as long I could remember, I don't want hurt him."