I'll Wait Forever

-39-

"Something is wrong. I'm telling you, something is wrong. I can feel it." I stared out the window, "I have to go check on him."

"Gerard... You know you can't do that. I'm sure he's fine." LynZ grabbed my arm in what was most likely an attempt at comforting me, but I shrugged her off. She didn't feel what I felt. "He is, Gerard. I know you don't believe me, but you're just being overdramatic."

"Like hell I am. Something is wrong, and I have to know what it is. I know I can't go see him... but would you? Please, Lyn. I have to know for sure." I met her gaze, and saw her eyes soften.

"Okay, I'll go check. But only to prove that everything is alright so that you can try and stop thinking about him so much," LynZ said with a small, sad smile. I wrapped her in a tight hug, which she returned, "I'm going to take that as a thank you. And you're welcome. I'll leave in the morning and go find out if there's anything going on."

"Can't you go tonight?" I pleaded, knowing I was fighting a losing battle.

"No, Gerard. It's very late, and a few hours won't make much of a difference. It's also Halloween, and I don't feel like dealing with small children. First thing tomorrow I'll go out, I promise."

"But-" I started, but was cut off. Halloween already? That seemed like an important day for some reason, but I couldn't put my finger on why.

"No butts. I know you like butts, but no butts. Now, go lay down for awhile and try and get your mind off things." She took my shoulders and guided me to my room. Maybe she's right; maybe everything is alright and I just miss him. Maybe he's better off without me. He is better off without me...

Thoughts clouded my head once more, and they all revolved around him: Frank. I loved him. I still love him. I'll never stop loving him.

And that's why I'll never be able to see that cheeky smile of his again, or hear his adorable laugh. I'll never curl up in his arms, or smell his off-brand cologne. I'll never get to gaze into his hazel eyes, or hold his hand, which fit so perfectly in mine. I'll never get to tell him how sorry I am for leaving, or tell him how much it's killing me. And I'll never get to call him mine again.

But that's how it has to be. It's how it's always had to be. Because at least this Way, he's safe, and I'll never be able to hurt him. At least, not anymore.

I glanced down at the pencil in my hands and the piece of paper on the desk in front of me, and noticed the beginnings of a face that could only belong to him. I felt a tear slip down my cheek as I started drawing once more, now only having my memories as a reference for every beautiful curve that would grace this page.

A part of me wishes I'd never found him in the woods, and the other part of me knows that if given the chance, I still wouldn't change a goddamn thing about that first night.

———

"Gerard?" I heard a soft knock on my bedroom door just before it opened a crack, "Hey, sorry to bother you. I just came to let you know I'm heading out to check on... things. I'll be back in a little while, don't do anything stupid while I'm gone. And yes, that means absolutely no alcohol." I nodded as she tried to look stern (she didn't.)

"I'll wait right here. No alcohol. Please hurry." This time it was her turn to nod, and she left the room as quickly as she came in.

I stood up from where I'd been seated at my desk and instead flopped backwards on my bed. I decided to try and take my mind off things by counting the dots on the ceiling, but there were only three-thousand six-hundred ninety-two. I counted twice to be sure, hoping that by the time I was done, LynZ would be back. But she wasn't.