I'll Wait Forever

-Epilogue-

Dear Gerard,

I knew you would look for me, and I knew you would eventually find me. I'm so sorry for leaving you like this.

Please understand that I had to do this. It always had to be this way. We could never be together how we wanted, and this is not your fault. I made this decision, and you wouldn't have been able to stop me. I chose this. I love you, Gerard. But love won't save me from myself.

Don't tell the others, I want them to believe that I left town. It will be easier for them, because this has nothing to do with any of them. This has to do with me and my life.

Please don't blame yourself, either. Please. This was coming before we met, and it was bound to happen either way. I think we both knew that. I'd always planned to go out on my own terms; I always knew it would come to this. Honestly, without you I probably would've been gone awhile ago. You gave me something worth fighting for, even though it couldn't last forever. Thank you, Gerard.

I love you, Gerard. Fuck, I am so deeply in love with you. Always remember that. Please. I've never loved anybody like I've loved you. And... and thinking about not getting to see you fucking kills me. But even if I stayed, I wouldn't have you then, either. Nothing I can do- nothing we can do, will put us back in each others lives. Fuck I hate thinking about that... I never wanted to hurt you Gerard, and I know you never wanted to hurt me either. But this really is for the best. Please, just keep on living, for me. The world needs you. The world is an ugly fucking place, but you make it a little more beautiful.

I'll always be with you, Gerard, whether you know it or not. I will always be by your side. Just keep running, for me...

I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I know I don't deserve it, but you are all that matters to me. You are all that will ever matter to me. Please, don't try and deal with this with alcohol. You don't need that stuff. I'm not in a position to tell anyone what choices to make... but please, stay strong for me. Don't go down that path again... I know it helps you forget, but you don't need to forget us. Remembering is hard, and remembering fucking hurts... but that just means that what we had was real. We were real. Don't forget us. Don't forget the good times, or the bad times, don't forget the times where we fell asleep in each others arms, and don't forget me. If you drink, you'll forget. Remember me...

I had to do this now because I'm officially eighteen. It's my birthday. And since I'm eighteen I wouldn't be allowed to stay at Miss Nora's for much longer, and I don't have a job or anywhere to go. Everything in my life is coming to a close, and this just makes sense. My life has run its course, and that's all there is to it. Thank you for being a part of it, Gerard, thank you for everything. For helping me when I needed it, for letting me stay with you, for helping me stand up for myself, for loving me, and for showing me how to love... and thank you for leaving. I know that doesn't sound like something I should be grateful for... but I never would have been strong enough to make the decision that we shouldn't be together. If you hadn't left, something bad would've happened eventually, something really bad. I don't know what, but I'm a little glad we won't have to find out. I want both of us to only have good memories with each other, and I would never want either of us to have to deal with the burden of knowing that things would've been better if we'd ended our relationship sooner. So thank you again for saving both of us from having to deal with that. That being said... this is so fucking hard to do. I don't care about my life, or myself, or what I'll miss when I'm gone, but fuck... I'm gonna miss you. I don't know how you were able to give me that note that night. I won't even get to hand you this and it still hurts me so fucking much to know that I won't be able to see you again... The hardest part of this is leaving you.

I can't play it for you, but I wrote you something as well. The notes for how it goes on the guitar are with it, if you ever decide you want to learn to play-

'So long to all of my friends
Every one of them met tragic ends
With every passing day
I'd be lying if I didn't say
That I miss them all tonight
And if they only knew what I would say

If I could be with you tonight
I would sing you to sleep
Never let them take the light behind your eyes
One day I'll lose this fight
As we fade in the dark
Just remember you will always burn as bright

Be strong and hold my hand
Time becomes for us, you'll understand
We'll say goodbye today
And I'm sorry how it ends this way
If you promise not to cry
Then I'll tell you just what I would say

If I could be with you tonight
I would sing you to sleep
Never let them take the light behind your eyes
I'll fail and lose this fight
Never fade in the dark
Just remember you will always burn as bright
The light behind your eyes
The light behind your...

Sometimes we must grow stronger and
You can't be stronger in the dark
When I'm here, no longer
You must be stronger and

If I could be with you tonight
I would sing you to sleep
Never let them take the light behind your eyes
I failed and lost this fight
Never fade in the dark
Just remember you will always burn as bright
The light behind your eyes
The light behind your eyes
The light behind your eyes
The light behind your eyes
The light behind your eyes
The light behind your eyes
The light behind your eyes
The light behind your eyes
The light behind your eyes
The light behind your eyes...'

It isn't great, but it's yours now. And anytime you sing it, I'll be with you.

I think I have to go now because it's getting harder to write since a few tears are smudging the ink. I'm sorry. I wish I could hold you when you read this and tell you everything will be alright, but I can't, and it won't. And it's my fault. Fuck, I'm sorry Gerard.

Just promise me one thing- don't ever forget me. Because no matter what, what we had was real. I was real, you are real, and so was everything we went through together. Nothing will ever change that. Please, save room for me in memories because I'd love to always be a small part of what makes you smile. Forgive me, but don't forget me. Please...

I love you, Gerard Way.

And this is not the end for us.

xøfrnk

***

And thus concludes the epilogue of the first book I started. Thank you again for going on this journey with me, and I'm sorry for any emotional trauma I may have caused with this ending... please forgive me.

I have two other works as well, so if you like my writing please check those out, it'd mean a lot to me (:

Final thoughts?

There will not be a sequel for this book, at least I'm not planning on writing one at the moment. Ideas are always welcome though (@ Gerard way)

Thanks again SO much for reading, and until next time...

Merci pour le venin...