All Of Me

12

Finding a parking space was almost impossible, and Cynthia circled around the crowded lot four hundred times while she cried and told me about various stages of Tripp's childhood before we finally just parked up on the street and walked.

We dropped Tripp off in his gown, cap in hand that he refused to wear until he had to, and he disappeared into the school to find his seat with all the other graduates.

I had hoped that if I was honest with the school, they would let me walk. But sadly, no. School policy says you cannot walk with your class if you're pregnant. So they handed me my diploma in the principles office and sent me on my way.

Before I left, I did give them an earful on how I wasn't showing yet and could've hidden it from them, but instead I chose to be honest. And how I had always been a good student. However, my own irresponsible actions got me into this mess so I couldn't really blame anyone else.

We finally shimmied our way through the crowds of loud, sweaty people to find a seat in the bleachers. The basketball quart was covered in chairs full of graduates in black and white gowns. Boys in black, and girls in white. We were at the end of the bleachers on the second row from the top, and, at this angle, could see half of every graduate's face.

A woman and her toddler son squeezed in and took the seat on my left as I scanned the black and white mob of gowns for Tripp and finally spotted him. Fifth row from the back. I tried not to think too much on the fact that I should've been down there with them.

Before I could get too caught up in my self-pity, the little boy beside me grabbed a hand full of my hair and pulled it. His mother gasped and pried his chubby fingers away from my hair and began apologizing profusely.

I shook my head, "It's okay. He didn't know." I give the little boy a small wave and he rocks back and forth in his mother's lap excitedly, clutching his toy phone.

It took a moment for me to register once again that I was pregnant, and would have that one day. One day really soon. One day sooner than I ever thought it would be.

"I think he has a crush!" His mother laughed when he reached for me. As much as I wanted to take him and hold him, I stopped myself. "How old is he?" I couldn't resist asking. His big brown eyes and messy brown hair made me smile again.

"One and a half." She answered as he swatted at her chin. She stopped him and he whined and chewed on his phone. "It's not easy being a single mom, but it's worth it. Little Jason gets all of my attention." She kissed his head and I turned my eyes back to the crowd of graduates. Hoping I would have that mentality when my baby was born.

Cynthia was occupied, taking five million pictures on her fancy digital camera. Wiping tears.

Tripp's last name began with an S, so we would be here a while. He finally spotted me and waved. I smiled and waved back. By the time we got to the 'P's, he was making his a hand a gun and pretending to shoot himself. I laughed and dismissed his action with a wave of my hand. Mouthing that we were getting closer.

Finally, they called his name. Cynthia squealed, waved, and snapped more pictures. I yelled obnoxiously and clapped; the gymnasium seeming to get a little louder at the mention of his name than anyone else's.

He held his diploma up and smiled for another picture for Cynthia, and walked off the stage. They finished calling, then a teacher gave a short speech before announcing the Gracetown High School's graduating class of 2012. They all threw their caps, Tripp with a little more feeling than the others, but still.

He really did hate the "giant sombrero" as he called it. As soon as the graduation ended, the place turned into a mob. Everyone rushing for their son, daughter, brother, sister, nephew or niece. I avoided getting knocked over as I slid through the crowd looking for Tripp.

I heard someone call my name and when I turned around, saw Paige waving through the crowd. It was so nice to see her face. Remembering the night last week when she stood by silently and watched me being thrown out. She had already taken her hair back to it's natural color, a little lighter than my own, and cut it back to her chin where it normally stayed, but had gotten a little longer before I...left.

She hugged me when we finally go to one another, and asked me how I was. I told her I was fine. Apparently she was there to see a friend graduate. The way she tucked her hair behind her ear and avoided eye contact when she said it, I suspected she was lying, but there was nothing I could do about it so I pushed my nosey inner-Brooke aside and complimented her hair.

"So where are you staying?" She asked awkwardly. I straightened my Gracetown High t-shirt and told her I was staying with Tripp. She nodded and it was quiet for a beat before she spoke. "I'm sorry, Brooke. I really am. I wanted to say something but you know how Mom is when she gets that way. You'll never get anywhere arguing with her." I did understand. But I already felt so alone, maybe I wanted her to argue Mother. Selfish as it sounds.

"And I was still trying to comprehend that my good-girl sister was pregnant." She tries to lighten the mood with a joke but I only bite my lip, trying to will myself away from tears. "I'm sorry, I just meant that people expect this sort of thing from me, not you." She tries to correct her straight-forward comment and I give her a half-smile.

"I understand. It's definitely out of character for me. Never been pregnant before." And we both laugh. "Hey, dad would be happy. He always wanted grandchildren." She says, once again before she thought. "Look, I keep saying stupid stuff. So I'm gonna go." She touches my arm and backs away. "Text me sometime." I call. She gives me a smile and disappears with a group of girls I recognize from some of my classes. Why is she friends with so many seniors? I leave the building when people start to exit and there's more room to walk. My mother obviously didn't come, or she left before she would be forced to see her disgrace of a daughter.

I pushed some hair behind my ear that I missed in my ponytail and finally spotted Tripp and Cynthia out beside a tree taking pictures. I walked up just as Cynthia asked for a picture of Tripp and I. I stood beside Tripp, and just as Cynthia snapped the picture, Tripp ran his hand along my ribs, sending me into a fit of ticklish laughter. That picture must really be something. "Tripp!" I swatted his arm and we both laughed. Cynthia finally got a normal picture, well, as normal as can be for Tripp, and we left satisfied.

I still wished I could've walked, but I was proud of Tripp and I wasn't about to ruin his day by sulking.

And since it's just me here, I'll admit he looked good in his gown.

Darn these pregnancy hormones.