Grey Clouds On The Horizon

Tiny In Texas

Dear Elliot,

I saw him last night at the bar. It wasn't on purpose. In fact, I'd promised myself I wouldn't even try and signed up for four days straight working the Bowman Films networking booth. Handing out signature cocktails while my original film, A Beach Of Stars, became tedious. However, it was for the best.

They say, whoever they is, that the closest friends can go years without seeing one another and pick up right where they left off. Neither of them need affirmation or attention to know the other cares. Sometimes that comes to my mind when I try to figure out what Mr Grey and I are. Is that close at least? Or is he truely incapable of being a friend?

Perhaps he is just an ally that must be satisfied with his end of the bargain. He already gave me everything and I'll spend the rest of my life owing him for that. He made me into who I am and he can destroy me. I'm aware he'd never say that, he would tell me I'm free, but no one is every truely free once they've been owned. The scars the shackles leave behind may only cover a small amount of my skin but I still can feel the way they dug into my wrists when I'm lying in bed at night.

In a moment of playfulness, just a bit of one sided banter, wrote him a short note. I wanted Mr Grey to know that, even though I don't understand why, I respect that he loves Mrs Grey. If this is his peace then I've never met someone who deserved it more.

Occasionally, when I see them in a magazine, I wish that I could want that. That I was even capable of wanting to be in love. Maybe then I could be normal. It's a dangerous wish for me to have because I'm never going to have the ability to love someone like that. I'll die just as I've lived. Alone.

Part of me wonders if I should cut you off too. Maybe it will be less painful for you when I eventually stumble upon my perfect end. I know we've discussed it before, and you disagree, but the time will come when this isn't the world for me anymore. For me it isn't a scary thought. It's simply a fact. Just like the fact that one day our sun will die and so will our solar system with it. All life on earth will be gone with no one left to mourn it. The fact that I plan to engineer my own death will be insignificant. All of us are so small. With the exception of people like him who make themselves larger than life.

However, for now, there are still films to make, books to read and people to write to. Life goes on. With or without me, life goes on.

Feeling Tiny In Texas,
Em
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I thought it was about time I included one of these letters from Em to Elliot. I hope you enjoyed the insight into her mind. Is this who you expected her to be? Comment, like and follow please!