Grey Clouds On The Horizon

When Words Escape Me

Ana's POV (continued...)

Christian headed off towards the elevator and Taylor followed. When the door closed behind them I turned to Sawyer. "I need books that aren't finished." Manuscripts! "From work I mean."

Sawyer stared at me for a moment, dumbfounded. "I'm sorry Mrs Grey. I don't understand."

I put a finger on each of my temples and tried to pull my words together to make it come out right. "I called my work and had them gather books for me to make notes on. Please get them for me. I can't drive." I gave him a smile and he nodded before heading for the door. For some reason I made Sawyer uncomfortable now and I needed to figure that out soon.

Gail made me a breakfast of granola in yogurt and I thanked her. The first bite of food made Teddy shimmy himself out of my ribcage and kick at my bladder. As quickly as I could move, which was not fast at all, I reached a bathroom to pee. While I was washing my hands I studied my face in the mirror. I still looked like me and I felt like me but my words belonged to someone else. It was like I was speaking through a layer of linen draped over my mouth filtering out the sense in my speech.

There was a rapping at the door. "Mrs Grey, are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Gail." I called back and reached for the knob. I had to will each finger to wrap around it, my wrists to twist and my arm to pull. In that order. It took a couple tries but I finally yanked the door open and Mrs Jones stood sweetly outside.

Gail handed me a stack of maternity clothing and baby catalogues. "These came for you and I thought you may want to go through them." She pulled a black permanent marker from her apron pocket and added that on top of the stack. "Mr Grey said you should circle what you'd like him to order. He wants to check all the safety ratings first but the rest is your call. As the mother, I mean."

Mentally I rolled my eyes at Christian's overbearing tactics. "Okay, thanks." I forced a smile and headed to my office. Sitting down at my desk, I began going through the clothing magazine. I circled a few sets of maternity pajamas, a handful of sharp work dresses, about five pairs of maternity jeans and a dozen flattering looking blouses. When I closed the book there were marks around a handful of the least terrible nursing bras. There was no way I was letting an ugly beige bra be the end of the passion in my marriage. Christian's adoration of a past lover could do that all on it's own.

"Mrs Grey?" Sawyer walked in and sat down two spiral bound manuscripts on my desk. "These were what they put together for me. Do you need anything else?"

"Umm... tea and sticky papers?" Post-it notes, Ana! Get your shit together.

He looked at me perplexed for a moment before telling me he was again unsure what I wanted. My cheeks flushed red with humiliation and I had to fight back the urge to cry. I held up one of the rough manuscripts and turned to a page then wedged my finger in and closed the book. "To mark, like this."

"Of course, Mrs Grey. Right away." He scurried off to locate my drink and some office supplies and I opened the first draft on the pile. It was a romantic dud and I anticipated who was going to be together and who was going to die in the end after only four pages. For my first day working from home I was severely disappointed with my materials. Of course after my comatose absence they would have given anything decent to the editors that did show up for work but it still frustrated me in a way I couldn't put my finger on.

My blackberry pinged and I saw an email from Christian. It brought back memories of our intellectual sparring that had cemented our bond. Okay... I can do this. Be his Ana.

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From: Christian Grey