Grey Clouds On The Horizon

Naked

Christian's POV

My raw throat swallowed one last sip of cognac and I tried to remind myself how to breathe. Taking the time to unwind had calmed me perhaps too much. The anger that had burned through my veins had diminished and I was left with blisters that would take far longer than a play session to heal. Emilia had successfully stripped me of my ability to collect my thoughts. I had only questions for the girl who stole my footing at every turn.

I turned the door handle to the playroom and took in Emilia sitting back on her throne that was on my floor. Though I'd seen her there only weeks ago, it still took me aback having her as mine once again. Years had separated us, different worlds, but I knew our hearts still were beating in stereo. I paced around her but she didn't flinch or shake. My sweet girl was at peace with her fate, whatever I gave her. My finger tips grazed over the lock of my chest, a key in hand, but it felt wrong in a way I couldn't place. I knew what it was like to betray and to hurt, but this was something different. It was the warning of a deeper failure than I'd ever known.

There I stood, a man more exposed than I'd ever thought possible, and I had choices to make. They were difficult and made my throat tight every time I tried to swallow, but they were nothing compared to the choices that Emilia had needed to make because of the path I put her life on. Could I blame her for drowning with a sinking ship? And if I couldn't blame her, what sense was there in a punishment?

I crossed the room, dropping the key into my pocket and falling to my knees before my bowed submissive. "Em," My hand traced up her neck and under her chin to make her look at me with her cloudy gaze. "I know that you made the best decisions you knew how to when you were on your own with Delilah. I'm not sure I can ever forgive those choices, but please know that you will never be in that kind of position again as long as I am alive. Do you understand?"

Her stare widened for a moment and she held her breath, "I understand, Sir."

A wave of relief in the form of a flush washed over my skin. Swear beaded on my forehead as the heat overtook me. My hands found their way to the buttons of my shirt and I shrugged it off behind me. Standing slightly, I took off the coverings of my lower half and leaned my forehead into Emilia's. I wrapped my fingers between hers, ignoring the gentle tugging as she tried to pull away before giving in, and I let out a deep sigh onto her reddened cheeks. Em glanced down, pinched her eyes shut and shook gently with disbelief. It seemed she doubted her reality just as much as I doubted my own.

"Do you know that you're beautiful?" I smiled and gave her hand a squeeze. Having her and Anastasia, even just to look at, made me the luckiest man on earth. "In fact, you're one of the most beautiful girls that I've ever met."

Still, her head shook.

"Oh, you don't believe me?" I chuckled, nearly begging my best friend to come out to play. I pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear and savored her soft skin on my finger tip. "Well I'd never lie to you about that, Miss Stewart. And I'm not lying to you when I say this. I have missed you more than you will ever know and there has not been a moment that has passed since we met that I was not completely in love with you. You, Anastasia and my children are my entire world and that means that this family comes first. Okay?"

Em swallowed hard and begged silently for me to be telling her the truth. "Okay, Sir."

"But for this family to work," I continued, a bit of humor in my tone as I felt foolish in my nudity. "We need to be able to trust each other... and you and I need to fix whatever between us is broken because no matter how hard I try to figure it out I'm just not quite sure where we stand."

She pursed her lips. "With all due respect, Mr Grey, I don't think it's as complicated as you want to make it."

I shook with a stifled laugh and smiled down upon her, planting a soft kiss on her bed of curls. "To have your look on the world, Kitten, I envy you. The responsibility of this family falls at my feet and there isn't any more room for me to mess this up."

"Okay, Sir." She swallowed and let go of my hand, but I held on. "Can we please start my punishment now?"

My lips pursed. "No punishments, Emilia. Not now. Maybe not ever."

"Please, no." She whispered, salty tears dripping down her cheeks. "Mr Grey, I loved you the way you were when we first met. Trust me, I understand that you need to be gentle with Mrs Grey and I'd never fault her for that. She's too good and pure. But I'm not Anastasia. I can take the pain. Give me all of it if you want, I won't mind."

"You don't know what you're talking about." I willed her to understand. Heart not just on my sleeve but on my chest, I willed her with all my might. "We weren't happy when I was hurting you, Kitten."

Emilia pinched her eyes shut and pulled back a sniffle. Her lips pursed and released, a heavy breath pushing its way out out her nose. "No one ever said that we were supposed to be a happy pairing, Mr Grey. Most . Anastasia makes you happy. I didn't think that people like us could be happy but she does that for you. She's your good."

I clenched my fists, wishing I had a bunch of her curls to pull until Miss Stewart saw sense. "You make me happy too."

"No, Mr Grey." Her jaw tightened. "I make you whole, but I don't make you happy. I scratch that itch inside you that turns into a burning when it's ignored. The two of us are a tragedy, not a comedy. We don't get a happily ever after because of who we are. You have a thirst to draw blood and tears that I will quench it. Let me take care of you like you've taken care of me."

What she was asking of me felt wrong, against the grains that Anastasia had carved into me with her presence. But the suffering my wife had been through was proof enough that I had to own a woman in order to feel like a man. Ana wasn't there to be a cat curled at my lap. I didn't get to pull her tail and put a bell around her neck. Then Emilia reached out, ready and willing to sacrifice herself to feed the demons that lived under my skin.

Do you think you even have a choice? The darkness sneered.

I shook my head in a silent response. My path was predetermined. I only stepped on stones, carved for my feet to, guide me along it. There never was a choice.

"Very well, Emilia." I swallowed hard and stood, reaching my hand down to help her off the floor. My sweet girl, stunted from womanhood by my wrath, showed no fear. Her grasp was willing and her gaze was peaceful. She turned her head from side to side, taking in the room that had been her home so long ago. Her eyes landed on me, a question in the way her lashes batted. "Go lay on the bed."

She took sultry steps over the scarlet carpet and I admired the way she tug her wiggling toes into it's fibers. Em laid back on the leather topped bed, turning her body into St Andrews cross with a limb reaching for each of the four posts. I tore my sight away and opened a drawer that I'd stocked with her in mind. Ana belonged in black lace, beautifully elegant, but that wasn't right to Emilia. Under that sun kissed skin was a Snow White kitten that belonged in pink.

I pulled out two sets of pink leather cuffs and a blindfold, enjoying their weight in my hand. I pulled apart the rolling buckles, wrapping them around first Em's wrists and then her ankles. My eyes pinched shut and I let out a growl of primal desire. So long I had dreamed of touching her skin to mark my ownership once again. I clipped the post restraints onto her cuffs and slipped the blindfold over her eyes, hiding the scares I'd put there. It made it easier to breathe knowing my mistakes weren't staring me down.

Shuffling and organizing my toys, I found a supple suede flogger. I traced the scars that told her story of submission with its nerve teasing tips. My first clenched and I felt the tightness of the  wedding band on my left hand. In that moment, tied to Anastasia by law and and Emilia by ownership, I was no longer the scared boy under a wobbling kitchen table. I was with my true loves. I was naked. My darkness was nowhere to be found.