Grey Clouds On The Horizon

We Need To Talk

Ana's POV

I pulled the curtains on our bedroom windows and climbed back into bed with my cellphone wedged between my face and shoulder. "Christian... Christian, I'm fine. It's been an okay morning."

"No, it hasn't. You're sick!" He snapped in a hushed tone into the phone. "I leave you alone too much. I'll cancel my appointment with Dr Flynn and come home to take care of you."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw my uneaten breakfast, on a tray complete with a flower in a small vase, and sighed deeply. "I have an entire staff to take care of me. There's only one you to take care of that company. So stay at work, go see Dr Flynn and then get drinks with him like you planned. When you get home I'll be up to hear all about it."

"Anastasia..." Christian warned. "You need to be asleep early tonight. If you don't rest then you won't give your body time to heal."

I rolled my eyes and hoped my twitchy palm husband hadn't found a way to sense that through the phone. "This baby that's pressing against my bladder will make sure I'm awake at least once an hour, trust me."

"DAMMIT!" He snapped and grumbled for a moment. "I can't lose you. You were taken away from me before and so was... and now it's all... I don't want to fight about this. Just, for the love of God, stop pretending this is all okay."

His outburst left me stunned. "Christian, I am okay. I'm going to be fine. We're going to be fine."

"No." He let out a hard breath. "I'm not okay, Anastasia. You're not okay. Nothing about this is okay."

The breath left my lungs. "Fine. Then we're not okay. What does that mean?"

Christian sighed again. "I'm not sure. I'll move up my appointment and come home early. We just need to talk."

"Fine, then we'll talk." My heart fluttered anxiously in my chest. "I'll see you then. I love you."

"Anastasia..." He groaned painfully. "Whatever. I love you too. Soon."

My afternoon was spent staring at the ceiling and fighting the ache in my stomach. Facing the truth, that Christian and I were losing something between us, made my cheeks a splotchy red and wetted my pillow. Clutching my pregnant stomach, cradling the blip that made my marriage so damn complicated, and wished we would have waited. 

Without a pregnancy, Christian would see me the same as before. Sure he was protective, but I wasn't made of glass and didn't have to stay away from the rest of the world. 

"Mrs Grey?" Jason knocked on the door. "I'm coming in now."

I sat up and wiped my eyes on the back of my hand. "Hey Taylor. What's going on?"

Pity crossed his face when he saw my tears and he sat on the opposite corner of the bed from me. "Mr Grey is at his appointment and I don't have much time until I'm due to pick him up but I wanted to take this opportunity to talk to you."

"About what?" I furrowed my brow and hugged a pillow in front of my body. "What's going on?"

He shook his head with doubt. "I don't know what to say, exactly. To be frank, I'm not at liberty to speak of much of it. So... umm... I'm just going to tell you a story."

I bit my lip with uncertainty. "A story? Is this a true story?"

"Yep." Taylor gave me a sharp nod.

"Well alright. Tell me a story." 

Jason fumbled with his hands for a second, looking like a large child annoyed he was wearing his church suit, and huffed. "There was a girl that I knew once. She was younger than you, by far, so it was a little different. Her laugh was hilarious because it was obnoxious and ear splitting but that didn't matter because she was graceful and smart and talented. Really, she could have have the world. It certainly was her's for the taking... But anyway, she got pregnant and she let people push her too far. This girl was always doing everything for everyone. It was like she felt as if she had to be whoever they wanted her to be even if that meant sacrificing herself in the process. When she lost the baby, I felt horrible watching her suffer but I was actually so grateful. It was better for her that way because that baby tied her to someone she needed to get away from. The father was a terrible man that I hope I never see again. If I ever did see him, I'd put a bullet between his eyes." 

"Taylor..." I listened to my stomach churn. "Why are you telling me this? What does this have to do with anything?"

Again, he sighed and gave me a look of pity. "Mr Grey loves you so much. And I know that things are difficult right now, but please remember that I am loyal to him because he is a good man. Your husband only wants you and the baby to be happy and healthy. Give him some time to get used to this new reality and the uncertainty and I'm sure that he'll make it all up to you." Taylor got up to go but couldn't resist asking the question that danced on the tip of my tongue.

"What ever happened to that girl?" I wondered aloud. "The one from your story."

Jason pursed his lips and shook his head. "Nothing good, Mrs Grey. Some people never have a chance to escape their past."

I was left alone, like always, and I wrapped up in a sweater to still my shivers. For a change of scenery, I sat on the couch in the great room and waited for my husband to come home. The handle of the foyer door finally opened and there he stood, master of his universe, Mr Christian Grey. 

"Anastasia, what are you doing out of bed?" He furrowed his brow, shrugged out of his jacket and sat down beside me. Quickly, his lips found mine and moved against me at a feverish pace. "I missed you. Oh god, I missed you."

I rolled my eyes. "You just saw me this morning. What's going on? I thought you were mad at me?"

"No, of course not." Christian pulled me to his chest, buried his nose in my hair and inhaled deeply. "I just needed to hold you. Ana, you're my life. You're my reason for living. Do you understand that? Do you have any idea what would happen to me if I lost you?" The top of my head warmed and I reached up to realize it was with his hot tears.

"Christian, baby calm down." I looked up at him and grabbed the side of his face to stare into his slate gray eyes. "You're not gonna lose me. I'm not going anywhere. Shhh..."

He struggled to regain his composure and squeezed me tighter to him in return. "Most people would leave me. I don't try hard enough. I'm selfish and I'm cruel and I'm a terrible husband."

"Stop that!" I snipped and shook my head. "No, you're not any of those things, Christian. You're struggling, and I'm so sorry that I'm not in a place where I can help you through that, but you are trying as hard as you can. I honestly don't think I could live through watching you try any harder."

Christian leaned in to kiss me softly and squeezed my body a bit tighter to his. "There's so much that I wish I could tell you. But you'd never believe me. And even if you did, I can't imagine you'd still love me."

I dropped my jaw. "How dare you suggest that there is anything you could say that would make me not love you? You have some fucking nerve... This baby," I pulled his hand over my protruding stomach. "our baby, is here because I love you. And nothing you could do, or say, or feel would ever make me love you any less. So just tell me."

"I can't" He blinked and a fresh batch of drops made their way down his face. "Just can't right now. It's too much." 

My husband held me tighter and cried into the shoulder of my sweater. "Shhh... it's okay. Don't tell me now. Whenever you're ready I'll be here. I'll always be here."