Grey Clouds On The Horizon

No Sense In Being Sorry

Christian's POV

Since the day I'd met Ana, I wanted to care for her. I wanted to give her the world. I wanted her to lay next to me in silk, bathe in jasmine oils, wear Louboutins and french lingerie, drink fine wines, drive top of the line cars, travel the world to experience adventure and live in the most lavish luxury available. She didn't like to be spoiled but it fulfilled a need deep within me to worship her in the way I knew. Yes, I'd wanted to care for Anastasia for the rest of my life.

But not like this.

I had wanted her to smile up at me with gratitude in her eyes as I gave her the world.

Instead, she was afraid.

You do have that effect on girls.

Maybe I could have handled upset, angry or frustrated. But not afraid.

Anastasia Grey should never have had a reason to be afraid.

I offered my hand out to her and she took it, wavering only slightly as she stepped up on the digital scale in our bathroom. I reluctantly let go to allow the scale to settle to an accurate reading. When Dr Greene was here several days ago she was 107 lbs. Ana still hadn't kept so much as a morsel of food down.

The numbers danced on the screen and I held my breath. What did I want to see? Weight gain, come on Ana! But I shook off the idea. It wasn't possible and giving myself hope was ridiculous. The machine beeped and we both gawked at it.

101.3

She'd lost so much in just four days. No food. No drink.

No. This isn't happening.

And yet, there it is.

I couldn't let my wife starve in front of me. Make it stop. I begged to a God I didn't believe in.

Nothing will stop the darkness you unleash on the world.

Quickly, Ana stepped off the scale and redressed. She stormed out of the room and I chased after her. Through the living room she didn't stop. Weak as she was she took the stairs two at a time and I was momentarily mesmerized by her grace. The confidence she'd found in her body since we'd first made love had only been magnified since we were married. Then I examined the way her ribs poked into the fabric of her camisole and the hold she had to keep on the sides of her jeans to keep them from falling of her hips. I couldn't admire her body that way when it was failing her.

"Ana!" I called, suddenly overcome with a concern that she would fall.

I chased her into her old bedroom and she threw herself on the bed sobbing. Curling up beside her I wrapped my arm and pulled her body into mine. My arms were the only place I could protect her. Maybe if I held her tight enough, made her feel loved enough, she wouldn't be able to fall apart. I could hold onto every part of her instead of watching her deteriorate just trying to stay alive.

Maybe she wants to die to escape you. I would have done the same thing eventually. Being possessed by your demon is enough to make any smart girl want to leave this life.

"Shh..." I comforted her and rubbed her back. "Don't be afraid my love. I'm going to fix this."

Her big blue eyes swam with tears. "How?"

I knew what the CEO with in me wanted to suggest. It was the obvious solution. End this shit, Grey! I could take her somewhere to terminate the pregnancy and recover in peace. From a professional standpoint we could make it look like a vacation. Only my parents and Elliot knew and he would understand. I was sure that a few of his girlfriends had been paid to do the same. My mother's religious side would be upset but as a doctor I was sure she'd realize the severity of the situation if she saw Anastasia. Carrick would be fine with it, I supposed. He loved Ana too.

But then the blip would be gone.

The blip that I had put inside Ana in the throws of passion.

Blip was the product of our love.

Oh please, Do you even know how to love?

My birth mother hadn't protected me. She'd been a crackwhore that cared more about her next fix that the baby that had grown inside her. Drugs had mattered more than me. Anastasia was different. She would protect our blip. In that moment I was sure that it wasn't a fight I could win. I would have to save her in another way. I just didn't know what that way would be.

Tick tock, Mr Grey. Admit you're wrong before she blows away...

"I don't know." I admitted, feeling both entirely defeated and devastated by my guilt. "But I'll think of something. Let's rest until lunch, okay?"

Ana shook her head. "No, we both need to go to work." I tightened my grip around her.

"Not today."

There was no argument and I almost thought I felt Ana breath a sigh of relief. She shifted uncomfortably. This mattress was firm and she needed more support than it provided. My fingers found her waist and I huddled in. Her breaths turned soft and I was finally able to close my eyes.

Mommy is on the floor.
She's very cold.
I shake Mommy a lot but Mommy doesn't move.
Mommy's hair is brown and her eyes are pretty blue.
Her eyes are open even though she's asleep.
My hands on Mommy's face are small.
Now, Mommy has a bruise on her neck.
Mommy has bruises everywhere.
I'm excited that Mommy has a baby in her tummy.
Mommy's tummy is big but the baby is still too small to come out.
The lady on the floor is no longer Mommy.
My hands are bigger.
I trace the cold body in front of me and place my hands on her mouth.
No breath.
The lady with the baby in her tummy is dead.
Ana is dead.
"I told you that you never loved her." Em rested a hand on my shoulder. "Now come on. Let's start again."

I awakened with a start and reached around, longing for Ana. My hands came up grasping at cold sheets. Quickly, I sat up and headed towards the door when I noticed the half closed door to the submissive's bathroom.

"Christi..." A weak voice called, cut off by the painful sound of heaving.

I threw open the door and fell to my knees to wrap my arms around Ana's slight frame.

"Shh, you're okay. I'm here." I yanked open the vanity under the sink beside us, grabbed a wash goth and reached up to wet it. Then I wiped the sweat from Ana's forehead and held it on to cool her. "Ana, I'm so sorry." I sprinkled the back of her head with kisses. "I hate myself for doing this to you."

Then why won't you set her free?