The counselor(Ariana/you)

Chapter fifty one

I think one of the most hardest things to do is to hold back from crying,it feels like it's just this big ball that's caught inside your throat and it just keeps trying to push it's way out even though it's too big.

Sometimes it's good to cry just to let everything out but then there's times where you want to hold it back because you have too much pride to show people that you're emotional over something or that you're weak.

Well that's what I was trying to do right now even though I'm by myself it's like I'm too embarrassed to cry in front of me in my own bedroom.

I used to enjoy my own company a lot I still do in a way,but not right now at two in the morning while my thoughts are slowly eating my brain away as if it's their last meal on earth.

The weird thing with overthinking is that you don't notice it happening well maybe some people do but I don't,when I start overthinking my head just feels like I banged it about a billion times off the edge of the bathtub.

I always used to be able to hold all my emotions and thoughts together as if I was a dam but that dam has broken down. I still wonder what it's like to feel normal you know,to not have at least twenty different thoughts going on in your head at every second of the day.

It just feels like I'm trapped in my mind and there's no way on getting out.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough to be in the position I am in now,I have two arms,two legs,friends and Ariana
Especially Ariana

She's too good to even be human sometimes when I look at her I get lost in her beauty,I bet you when god made her he cussed for the first time and high fived and angel.

I honestly think that every love song made is about Ariana.

And her laugh.....oh god her laugh is imperfect but that's exactly what makes it perfect.

I still wonder what she sees in me.....every single second of the day.

You see Ariana is not just some other pretty face in the world she's different not because she's pretty,smart and caring.

It's because like some people out there in the world including me.

She's fucked up.