The counselor(Ariana/you)

Mom

Deep down inside I knew this day would come I know it was because I've always has difficulty showing affection I never knew where that came from even though on your note you said it wasn't at all my fault I still find it hard to believe you and your father were the only people I had left in my life and both of you just got up on left, I'm angry at you for doing that, I still don't fully know why you would do it to me even though everyday I saw deep in your eyes you were hurting it's like you were trying to tell me every time we were talking but your eyes were begging for me to help you and I just didn't know how, I know I have failed as a mother and as a wife a lot of people might tell me otherwise but I know because if I had just been there for both of you if I just sat down with you or your father just for one night and made one of you feel a bit better maybe none of this would've happened.

You reminded me of him so much sometimes it hurt, you had his contagious laugh and his eyes that's how I knew when you used to give me that look when we were talking something was wrong because your father used to give me that look and you would think I would be an expert on helping you but I can't even help myself, I loved when you laughed because it reminded me of when we were all together being happy, I just wish neither of you ever left me what am I supposed to do now that both of you are gone, I feel like I've lost my purpose in life like I have nothing to live for anymore but I know I could never do what both of you have done and maybe I'm a coward for that but I just couldn't.

I'll never forget the look in your eyes when I told you he was gone it was like you didn't believe me but when it fully hit you it was like the color was drained out of them, you didn't talk for a month a whole month at the time I didn't know that tragedy and silence had the same address but now I do, I'd be lying to you if I told you I'm fine ever since the day the police told me about your father just like you I've never been the same, I always wondered if maybe it was me that left would you have been fine maybe you would be still alive.

'I'm so sorry for you loss m'am' the female police officer said.

I guess I'm never going to find out.