The Sad Behind The Smirk (BxB)

Sickeningly Terrible

Karson and I went over to Dylan's to pick him up and currently we are all on the way to see him. Karson and Dylan do not look happy, both of them are grinding their teeth and Dylan looks incredibly livid; he really detests Tyler for doing the things he did to me. He told me that if he loved me as much as he told me he did, he wouldn't so much as dare to lay a finger on me, but he did and he didn't deserve me and never will. This mutual hate that Karson and Dylan share on Tyler for hurting me is exuding them in thick waves and it's only making me more jittery than I already am. 

What if they beat him up again? I don't want that for Tyler. I know he has issues and quite positive that he'll have a good explanation to why he did what he did. I'm sure, because I know him, the real him. Thinking about those perfect days just bring tears to my eyes and I shake my head trying to rid the tears, but they fall anyway and Karson's hand is instantly on my lap, drawing comforting circles on my thighs.

The car pulls over to a well kept garden which looks like the definition of homey with its white picket fence and cottage-like house. I breath in, it's audible and Karson leans over and wipes my tears and gives me a kiss that managed to get me breathless even at a time like this. 

Dylan's hand comes in contact with my shoulder and he rubs it comfortingly as if to tell me that he's here for me and that I can do this. I look at him gratefully and open the car door, getting out and telling them I'll call if I need them.

The walk from the garden to the front door felt like seconds and before my nerves wrack in I find myself pushing the doorbell. There's fiddling inside the house. The door quickly swings open and I find Mary there, looking beautiful yet extremely sad.

A single tear betrays her and falls to the ground before she's timidly leaning forward and engulfing me in her arm and I hug her back. She really was like my mother to me, Tyler and I were friends from so long ago before he kissed me when we were being stupid boys, fooling around in the beach which lead to us dating. 

This woman hugging me to her like her lifeline, conveying her apologies to me, breaks me internally and I put my arms around her. I don't know if I am being an idiot coming here to talk to Tyler but I'm glad I got to see Mary again, I know she loves me like her own son. 

She finally finds it in her heart to let me go and steps back, wiping her slightly wrinkled but gorgeous face. "Hi Mary. How are you?" I manage to croak out and she smiles a sad smile and brings her hand to my cheek. "Much better now that you are here, love. I missed you so much. I baked you your favourite peanut butter cookies." I force out a laugh and she lets go of my cheek, eyes crinkling as she tugs on my shirt sleeve, beckoning me inside her lovely home. 

She drags me into what seems to be the kitchen and takes two cookies and thrust them into my hand. " Thank you Mary, but I think I'll speak to Tyler first?" I say. She nods profusely and tells me to go upstairs and knock on the first room. She also goes on to tell me that her husband is out getting things for dinner and I nod, not being in a position to form a sentence.

Ascending those steps should be one of the most difficult things I've ever done in my life. My breathing is erratic and I just need Karson right now. I'm so terrified to face him alone. I have to though, having Karson here is not going to help right now. I need to speak to Tyler alone.

I finally find the courage to lightly knock on his door and I hear shuffling. I see him there, his eyes are bloodshot, insinuating that he'd been crying, he was never one to hide his emotions before he changed. I notice his lips quiver after seeing my face, his eyes filling with more tears and rolling down his stained cheeks. 

"I. Am. So. Sorry." Is all he says before falling into my arms and crying his heart out, I still. My first instinct is to just get the hell out of here but he's breaking down and I know he regrets it and I need him to know I forgive him. So I walk him to his ruffled and messy bed and sit him down. 

"Hello. Please stop crying." I say. Hearing my voice and statement launches him into another fit of tears. I wait patiently as he wipes his eyes and looks at me with wistful, red rimmed eyes. 

I don't get lost in them like I used to.

"I am going to tell you everything." He states, determined with a broken voice.

I nod and make a gesture with my hand for him to go on. 

"The reason I did those terrible things to you was because I didn't know who I was. There were all these voices in my head, they had terrible things to say to me. They told me to hurt you, because you were so happy, so innocent, they wanted me to ruin that for you. I thought if I did what they said, they'd go away." He goes on and I'm gritting my teeth.

"Do you remember that man we met? After going to the park? The strange biker person who kept throwing you nasty looks and I got mad at him and told him to fuck off and leave you alone?" He asks and I nod, remembering the perverted man with he snarling yellow teeth... Where is he going with this?

"Yeah, guess his attention drifted to the cute boy's fiesty boyfriend. He found me Kay." His eye's are pooling with tears again and he looks up and blinks to keep them from falling. I gulp, knowing this is going somewhere dark. That man was no saint.

"He found me when I was walking down to the store at night when mum wanted some Advil after a long day of work. He had a friend with him. An- And then h-he pushed me into an alleyway. I couldn't fight them Kayden. They were too strong. It was so dark but I saw his face before he injected something into me. 

I just remember waking up on that same alleyway. My clothes were torn and there was a pool of blood between my legs. It hurt so much Kay." He says, now full on weeping as I am. I am instantly by his side, hugging him to me. I don't care what he did to me, he did not deserve this. He was fucking raped.

"You know, it's a wonder no one noticed the bloody kid, walking home like a lifeless zombie. I managed to get into the house without mum and dad noticing. it was really late and they had passed out. I cleaned up the clotted blood while heaving. I puked after that. I felt utterly disgusting you know? I was filthy. I acted as if nothing happened in front of my parents. I dealt with the nightmares every night. Most of the time, I just didn't sleep. They were too realistic. I dealt with my panic attacks on my own. It was so difficult when there was absolutely no one to tell me how to breath. No one to console me."

His story is melting me, I finally understand.

 "My emotions were so repressed and I felt myself turn into something I wasn't. I listened to the voices in my head. This was when I stopped being myself... I didn't speak to you like I wanted to, didn't treat you like I wanted to and the way I knew you deserved to be treated. That's the biggest regret in my life. I will never forgive myself for doing that to you. The- the horrid and disgusting things I did to you." He sobs and I hold him tighter. 

"I raised my hand on you Kay! Why are you holding me like this? You should shout at me, cuss me out, hit me. please do something!" He wails and I sush him and kiss his cheek. 

"It's okay Tyler. I forgive you. You should have told someone. This is in no way something to be taken lightly. I'm sorry if you don't like it, but I'm telling your parents about this. I want that bastard and his goddamned buddy in jail for doing this terrible things to an innocent boy. They ruined your life for you." I ramble out, completely livid, breathing disturbed and erratic.

I brush his hair back and he closes his eyes, leaning in. 

This is him. This is who I fell in love with.

They broke him.

I get up and stomp downstairs before he can argue with me on not telling his parents. I hear him following me rapidly. I go downstairs and see Karson and Dylan sitting on the couch, I smile at them, indicating that I am fine and they nod back at me. 

I turn into the kitchen and see Mary making tea and Micheal sitting on one of the dining table chairs. Both their heads turn to me to assess me. 

I take a deep breath and look at Tyler, who is now rooted on the spot, eyes wide as I look back at his parents and take another breath before launching into the sickly sad story of their only son.