The Sad Behind The Smirk (BxB)

Love Him

I decided to just text my mum and Sam to let them know that I won't be staying home for the night. Karson fell asleep crying and he still rested on my body in the same position as last night. We both forgot to eat and I was hungry, I'm sure Karson was too but I won't be able to move without waking him up so I decided to ignore the grumbling in my stomach and just admire him. 

His sparkly green eyes were hidden from my view by slightly red and puffy eyelids. His long lashes were brushing his high cheek bones. 

I was startled when my phone started ringing so my body jumped I little from the noise that broke the tranquility surrounding the room. I quickly reached for it and put it on silent, whoever it was, they can wait.

Karson's eyes blinked opened and his usually light green eyes were mossy and they were quite bloodshot. I instantly felt bad but I plastered a smile on my face and the corners of his lips lifted into a small smile. 

I leaned forward and gave him three close mouthed kisses before falling back into the pillow. 

"Morning love, how are you feeling?" I whispered.

Karson nodded almost robotically and said, "Okay I guess, I'll be fine." 

He was solemn, too solemn so I decided to cheer him up a bit and make him forget. 

I pushed him so that he was under me and I settled on top of him, straddling his hips, my eyes glinting. Karson raised his perfect eyebrow at me while I responded with a creepy grin. I brought my hands forward and wiggled my fingers. 

His mind instantly registered what I was about to do and his eyes went wide and he writhed, trying to get away. "NO! nonono please don't." He said.

Nevertheless, I lunged forward and tickled him. 

No mercy.

 He couldn't hold it in and he started laughing, really loud. and I was having way too much fun seeing his expression. 

He quickly recovered and reached for my back and pulled so that I was chest to chest with him, his breathing was laboured when he held my chin and kissed me.

This was once again interrupted when, this time, Karson's phone rang and we both groaned, not liking that we had to stop. 

He reached for it and answered. "Hello?" His expression remained unchanged. "Okay mum I'll be right down." 

He turned to me and said, "She called me before, we both slept through it and she tried calling you a while later which you ignored." He sighed and got off his bed and held his hand out for me. I grabbed it and got off too. We both sauntered over to Karson's bathroom and freshened up, got dressed and went down. 

We were greeted by his mum that had a smile on her face but she looked worried and guilty. "Here you go," she said as she handed us both two cups of black coffee. I gladly took it and wrapped my cold hands around the warm cup. 

"Karson I have to speak to you again." She sighed. Karson blew out a breath of frustration but nodded nevertheless and grabbed my hand, walking us both over to the dinner table. Karson's mum took a seat on the opposite side of the table. 

She let out a breath before she spoke. " It's about your dad Karson. He's in the local prison of the neighboring town. Apparently he was reported to have molested a young woman and also for substance misuse." She revealed and pressed her lips into a thin line, scrutinizing Karson expression.

His jawline sharpened as he ground his teeth in anger and embarrassment. I reached out and put my hand on his that was resting on his knee, he turned it over so that our palms were in contact and intertwined our fingers. 

"I want to meet him." He voiced.

My brows furrowed and so did Karson's mum. "But son-"

"No mum I want to meet him and speak to him. I want closure. Tell me the exact prison and where it is. Please mum." Karson said, looking quite mad but desperate.

She seemed to ponder upon it before looking at Karson and biting her bottom lip before saying, "He's in H.M.P Petonville prison, it's in the Caledonian road in London."

Karson was biting the inner side of his bottom lip as he nodded and mumbled a thanks. 

"Hey, you wanna go out and grab something to eat?" I asked, looking hopeful, I really wanted him to stop looking so down, it was breaking my heart to see him like this, he was a happy person and he deserved to be left just like that.

He pursed his lips together but smiled a gentle smile in my direction and said "okay, I have a strange craving for pancakes so is My Old Dutch good for you?" He inquired and I nodded fast, those pancakes were always relative to heaven.

"Let's go, wait right here, I'll run up and get my car keys." He said and dashed up the stairs. 

I was truly so proud of him for being so strong about something like this, his life is really messy as of now but he's coping and that's good enough for me. If he ever needs me, I'll be right by his side. I'm well over the point of just caring for him, I want him to know that he's loved and no matter the shit that life throws at us, I'd always face it with him and he'll never be alone again, ever. 

I love him too much to let him go. 

And I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him when he walked down those steps while giving me the most biggest smile he could muster, but I saw the hurt, the betrayal and the anger behind those eyes.

He was willing to mask it for me, to make me feel better, even though he was breaking inside. 

He was willing.

And I was willing too.