The Life of Nikki Winston

The Sordid Story of Why I Stayed Away

Two days later, I got a call from dad. "Hey Daddy. What's the matter?"

"We can't find Opie or Donna. Clay and Tig think he may have ratted on us and taken them into protective custody." Dad worried.

"What? No, Opie's not a rat. They know that."

"They paid off a lot of his debt, Nikki."

"Dad, don't you dare even think it. That's it, I'm coming back. Screw Jax and his doctor. I'll be there in twenty or less. Call Church, I need to talk to the guys." I demanded. As soon as the call ended I threw on some clothes and hopped on my bike - it being faster and smaller than the truck.

As soon as I arrived at the Tm lot I shut my bike off and parked it, throwing out the kick stand before I rushed off to the club Chapel. As soon as I stepped in the door the guys erupted into chaos, shouting that I shouldn't be in the room. "All of you shut up! I asked dad to call Church! Not a damn one of you have any right to be angry with me or to think Opie would rat!"

"He didn't go with them in cuffs, Nikki." Jax put in.

"I don't give a god damn! If Opie was a rat and they were taking all of his family not in the club, then they would have taken me too! I'm still here! I didn't know anything about this shit until my dad called me! How dare any of you think for one fucking minute that my brother was a rat after all the shit he went through? After he didn't rat last time and spent his time in prison?! He never said a fucking word! Not to me, not to Donna! Only reason I know anything is because I pay attention! After all the shit he's done, not one of you should believe this load of bullshit! That A.T.F. cunt is trying to make you think he's turned rat on you! She's trying to tear you apart from the inside! You thinking he's a rat is exactly what she wants! You brand him as one and you might as well hand her your balls on a silver fucking platter! But if you do this, you're gonna have to kill me first. Right here, right now. No one else to clean up your mess for you. You look me in the eye and you shoot me in the fucking head." I ranted, finally stopping to stare Clay in the eyes, daring him to test me.

"We can't trust anything right now, Nikki, you know that. How do we know Stahl didn't send you in here to plead Opie's case so she can get more dirt on us?" Jax demanded.

"Are you branding me a rat, Jax? Then come here and take me out, if that's what you think. Or are you just deflecting your anger at Stahl onto me? We both know you've got enough guilt about me wrapped around your shoulders to last a lifetime - driving me away from my family twice in less than a decade. We both know you're the reason it took me so long to come back after Opie got out." I accused, turning my glare on him.

"What the hell is she talking about Jax? Nikki, I thought you left 'cause Opie was locked up." My dad wondered out loud.

"Do you wanna tell 'em or should I, you bastard?"

"Nikki, that's enough. You don't come in here and insult me." Jax warned me.

"I guess I'll tell 'em then. It was right after Opie was convicted. I went to see him one last time before he went in. Jax stopped me, asked me to talk to him about wanting to leave. He wanted to try to get me to stay. Told me all sorts of nonsense bullshit. Then, he got angry when I still wanted to leave after he took my virginity. Told me not to come back to Charming if I was still gonna leave after what happened between us. Then I get a call from Donna, telling me Jax here got married in fucking Reno of all places. Got another call Opie's last year in, saying Jax had gotten a divorce but was stupid enough to get the junkie he married pregnant. I was willing to put the past behind me, get over all the bullshit to be with my family. Then fuckup here has tot still believe the sun shines from Tara's ass! Still being the jackass she made him into when they first hooked up when we were kids. Still being the same bastard who treats me like shit, takes my V-card, and dumps on me when he can't handle that I'm my own person. So there you go, the whole sordid story. If you think I'm a rat, then fucking shoot me you god damn pussy whipped coward. You look me in the eyes, pull that glock outta the back of your pants, and you shoot me right here," I poked the spot in my brow between my eyes, "'cause if you don't and you brand my brother as a rat, I will ruin your life until the day I fucking die." I saw my dad get up to try to fight Jax and settled a hand on his shoulder. "Don't Daddy. What's done is done. I'm going to find Gemma. Maybe I'll take Jax out of his misery and pop by to give Darby a visit while I'm at it." I commented, stalking about of Church with my head held high. It was only when I saw Gemma standing outside the doors of the room and she dragged me off to her office that I let any of the tears slip.

"Baby, why didn't you tell me?"

"What difference would it have made, Gem? I wasn't even rebound pussy, he just fucked me to try to get me to stay in Charming. I wasn't worth a damn to him. You know what he said to me when it was over? I better have been on the pill and that Donna and my dad would need me here more than I needed a breather. I was useful to TM and I needed to be here to pick up the slack that would fall while Opie was gone. I promised I wouldn't leave again, Gem, and I won't. But don't make me come back here again. I don't care if it's a lockdown, I don't care if someone besides my dad or brother are in trouble. Don't make me come back." I pleaded, crying into her shoulder.

"Oh Nikki. I can't promise you that. You're my favorite niece. How else am I gonna see you during a regular day?"

"Please, Gem. I'm you're only niece, and you could always come by my place and visit me. But please, don't make me come back again. I've said my peace. Either they'll brand Opie as a rat and take me out too, or they'll listen and think for once. Either way, I can't face Jax again. I won't." I swore.

"If I see that bitch again, I'll shoot her." Gemma threatened.

"No you won't. The club will lose all sense of direction if you're stuck in prison for killing a fed, Gem. We can't have you anywhere but here."

"What she's doing to this club, this family... I can't let it stand, Nikki. Look at you. You're a mess."

"I'm a mess because of your son. You want to do something, give him a good kick in the ass and tell him to stay away from me. I can't handle it anymore - the hate in his eyes when he looks at me. I got to get out of her for a while. I'm gonna go back to my place. Will you give me a call when Opie gets back?" I requested.

"Yeah. I'll do that for you. Go on home. Get a shower and some rest." Gemma placed a kiss on my cheek before letting me go on my way. I was still angry and sad when I climbed on my bike. One look at Jax from across the parking lot on his own bike and I was back to angry. I kick started my Harley a lot harder than strictly necessary and tore out of the lot with a scowl painted across my face.