Chapter 34

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When you lose someone, you try to remember the last time you saw them. And most of the time, it's a blurry memory, because at that time, you had no idea it would be your last.

I sat on the bed of Afanas's house, watching as Rachel packed a bag.

She hadn't been eating or sleeping for the past week. she hadn't even spoken to me until today when she invited me over.

She was flying to North Carolina to stay with her parents for awhile, she said she needed some time to readjust to everything.

"How long do you think you'll be gone?" I asked quietly, playing with the sheets of the bed.

She sniffed, shoving clothes into the suitcase. Her hair was oily, her skin was pale and pasty.

"A while, I guess. I'm not sure." She shrugged, pulling her lifeless hair into a ponytail.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked quietly.

"Not really."

"It feels better to talk about it, Rach." I tried again, forcing her to look at me.

She dropped the bag on the bed, "I don't know what to say, Cal. I don't know how to deal with it. It feels like just yesterday we were interrupting a church ceremony, and now..."

Her voice trailed off, and she looked around the room. Her eyes watering.

"It's weird how you think you're going to be with someone for the rest of your life. You expect to wake up next to them every morning. But then one day, you wake up, and they're gone. And they're never coming back. I never even got to tell him I loved him, and that sucks. That fucking sucks."

She wiped a tear that fell down her cheek.

I held her hand in mine, "he knew you loved him, Rach. You didn't need to say it."

She shrugged, "there's nothing I could do about it. He risked his life for you, he saved you, and now he's gone."

I frowned, sitting up straight, "you're not blaming me? Are you?"

She glanced at me, "No, it's not your fault you're getting kidnapped every fucking day, relying on people to save you."

"What do y—

"Look" she sat up "I'm not blaming you. I'm just upset. I'm going to go now, Sinister is sending someone to come with me and look out for me. Don't worry about me, Cal." She grabbed the suitcase off the bed.

"I love you, Rach. I'm truly sorry." I said quietly.

She nodded, shooting me a small smile, before walking out of the room.

I sat there for awhile, and it hit me. It's true, I've been kidnapped so many fucking times now, counting on the moment that Sinister would swoop in and save the day.

I've never been able to fend for myself.

I will not let someone die for me again, I will never again be that fucking damsel in distress. It's the worst feeling in the world, feeling useless. Like something so small, and insignificant, that it lets the wind throw it around and decide it's fate.

I stood from the bed, walking around Afanas's room.

It described him perfectly. It was dark, and simple. There were guns lining the walls, bags of weed and cocaine shoved into open drawers.

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