Chapter 44

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Ready yourselves...

***

My face morphed into shock, my eyes going wide with surprise. Confusion flooded through my mind.

Afanas died only a few months ago. Why the fuck does she already have a boyfriend?

Whoever it is, I'm gonna set him on fire and sell his organs on fucking Ebay.

Rachel wasn't like this. It wasn't her personality. She wasn't the type of person to move on so fucking quickly. Especially after what happened to Afanas. I don't think anyone could move on so quickly without being completely mentally deranged.

Afanas and Rachel were soulmates. They were meant for each other.

"What?" I squeaked out, my voice was quiet, filled with airy disbelief.

Rachel cursed under her breath, slamming down the casserole dish she had been holding. Her face morphed into guilt and anger as she glared at her mother.

Lisa, on the other hand, looked confused, her peppery eyebrows forming together as she frowned at all of our reactions.

I cleared my throat, "Um, a new boyfriend Rach? That's um...great for you."

Her green speckled eyes flickered over to mine, a weird floor flashed over her features as she shot me a slightly sympathetic glance.

"Great?" Sebastian spoke loudly, "You're kidding me, that's not great at all. Rachel, don't you fucki-"

We were stopped by a deep voice cursing in the entrance of the kitchen. I spun around...

and I saw a fucking ghost.

Afanas stood in the doorway, his dark hair was cut short and clean. His dark eyes widened at the sight of us, his skin seemed to flush pale as he froze.

My head felt light as I saw the face of my dead best friend...staring back at me, his own shock mirroring my own.

My vision clouded, my head felt light and icy as I struggled to comprehend what the fuck was happening. I felt my limbs grow weak, my eyes glossed over with hot tears as I stared at him, unable to break eye contact.

It was in this moment, that I passed out.

***

"Calla...Calla....SUKA!" A familiar voice screamed at me as my eyes struggled to peel open.

This wasn't happening. Oh my god, please tell me this isn't a dream. I knew I'd become even more bat shit crazy one day, but I didn't think today was that day.

I forced my eyes open, my vision blurring before focusing on the man that sat next to me, on the couch of the living room.

"Mom she's okay, let's just give her some time." I heard Rachel's voice. I heard Sebastian let out a string of curses before he was lead forcefully out of the room. All of the voices sounded as they were millions of miles away, my head throbbed. I couldn't stop staring.

He looked almost the same as the day I met him. His pale face was flushed with healthy color, his stubble was shaven off completely, his dark eyes were alight with a new kind of life. His slightly pink, full lips formed into a small, sad smile.

I felt a sob fill my throat as I threw myself at him, flinging my arms around his neck as I sobbed, my heart felt as though it would beat right out of my chest.

I don't believe this. This isn't happening.

I cried. I fucking wailed like a baby, my breaths were heavy and sad, my tears pouring down my cheeks as I buried my face into the fabric of his sweater.

He embraced me, his strong arms held me to him as his hand smoothed my hair back.

"Shh, Calla, it's okay suka, it's okay. Calm down.." He said softly, his voice was warm and familiar.

I couldn't hold myself together. I had millions of questions racing through my mind, but all I could do was cry and sob, and fall apart completely.

I pulled back, but I still held onto his arms, squeezing the tight skin of his arms. I felt like if I were to let go, he'd drift away and never come back.

"How?" I sobbed, tears streaming down my face, my eyes refusing to look anywhere but him.

Please god, tell me this is real. Don't let me be dreaming, don't pull the knife out of my lungs, only to drive it through my heart.

He smiled sadly, pressing his thumbs to my cheeks as he wiped away my tears. His eyes were watery and sad, his fingers brushed the warm flesh of my cheek.

"I didn't die that night, Cal. I was close to it, but I didn't." His voice was strained, his fingers still tracing my cheeks, the warmth of his skin against mine only brought more tears to my eyes.

"I saw you!" I sobbed "I was there at your funeral. I gave a speech and I watched them close the casket!"

He shook his head, "That wasn't me, Cal. It was a wax figure, with makeup caked all over it to mimic my appearance."

I shook my head furiously, squeezing my eyes shut to prevent those boiling hot tears from pouring down my face. My hands shook as I held back silent sobs.

Afanas held my hands in his, I opened my eyes to find the same tattoos inked over his fingers, his warms hands were the only thing keeping me from passing out.

"Why?" I asked softly, my watery eyes making their way up to his.

"Rachel's pregnant, Cal. I'm going to spend the rest of my life with her, but I couldn't be truly happy if I was in the Mafia. And the only way to leave the Mafia...is if you die. So I did." His fingers interlocked with mine.

Rachel's pregnant.

I felt a whole new wave of tears build up inside of me, but I swallowed it, my heart burning inside my chest as I struggled to keep myself together.

"You made us think you were dead.." I choked our "why would you do that?"

He nodded, figuring I would ask this, his sad smile morphed, as if he too, was about to cry.

"We had to make it believable, Cal. Rachel didn't even know at first. I couldn't risk my plan falling apart. She only found out when she came here." His voice was barley a whisper.

"You left me." I swallowed "I thought you were dead and it broke me. Losing you changed me, Afanas. You should have told me. I'd wake up every morning and expect to see you snorting a line of coke. Or, or I'd answer the phone, and think it was you. I went crazy, I would randomly burst into tears and couldn't stop screaming into my pillow trying to fucking tear it apart. I don't remember the last time I felt moved by someone. I lost you, I wouldn't ever be able to admit it, but I fucking lost you. I just didn't think I'd lose me too."

I felt my tears resurface, as I threw myself at him again. Holding onto him like he was my last hope, my eyes stung with the wave of fresh tears as I buried my face into him.

"I'm sorry you're hurting" his voice cracked "I wish I could take away every ounce of pain you feel."

We held each other for a long time, our body's still, our embrace was sad and strong and full of complete and utter belief.

I continued to sob, the sounds of my cries echoed in the living room of the house.

It took me awhile to realize, but he was crying too.

***

Oh my God...

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