My Protector

Chapter 10

Jerking awake, I rocket up, panting. Tears run down my face as cold sweat trickles down my back. A whine from the corner makes me jump, darting my eyes over to the source. My stomach churns, making another thought bounce to my mind; I'm going to be sick. I'll never be free. Standing, I feel disoriented as I rush into the bathroom and stumble the whole way. My knees slam onto the floor and my arms wrap around the toilet bowl. I heave, the contents of my stomach leave as dark thoughts weigh down my mind.

With nothing left in my belly, I know I'm just dry heaving. I rest my arm across the seat and drop my forehead on my forearm. This nightmare; it never ends, their claws will forever be deeply embedded. Every damn time, my sixth birthday was gruesome; I didn't get a nice present. A cool nose presses into my hip, instinct has me flinching away. The small whine makes me lift my head, turning to see Dozer as he stands back with his head lowered. Coughing, I lean back, flushing the toilet. Sitting down on the hard, cold tile floor, I push myself up against the wall. I'm always their prisoner.

Drawing my legs, I wrap my arms around my legs, resting my head on my knees. Suddenly feeling tired, worn down and beaten. I'm their prisoner; I'll always be their captive. My breath leaves my body shakily, tears continue to make wet tracks down my face. Feeling a warm breath blow across my head has me blindly reaching for Dozer. He sets his head in my hand, letting me pet him. Burying my fingers in his short fur; I sigh, I've missed dogs. Having their silent support always helped me on the horrible days. I need Lily; I need Hulk; I just want to be happy.

Hiccuping, I raise my hand to stop the annoying sound. I hate crying, I always end up with hiccups. Turning my head, I watch my hand as it strokes over Dozer's fur, feeling the raised skin of scars. We are so much alike; he knows what it's like to be hurt by society. My mind goes blank as I pet him, hiccuping again. I press my mouth against my knee as another one works its way out of my mouth. Closing my eyes, I feel like a scared little girl, not like a thirty-one-year-old woman. I'm pathetic; cowering on the floor of my childhood bathroom.

I force a quivering hand through my matted hair, after a moment I force myself to stand on shaking legs. Moving to the sink, I stare in the mirror being greeted with heavy, dark bags under my eyes. Yeah, I look like a sultry dream that got punched in the nose and made friends with rats. The lame joke makes me shake my head, I grab my tooth brush, needing to get the foul taste out of my mouth. I still taste them; I always will. My toothbrush stabs into my gums as I hiccup and I wince at the pain. Spitting out the toothpaste I'm greeted with blood; not shocking. Ever since I had my jaw wired shut, I've had dental issues.

When I was younger, I had a bad habit of waking up in the middle of the night, memories of what they would make me do. I'd go straight to the bathroom, crying as I brushed my teeth. Trying to remove the memories; brushing too hard can be just as painful as ignoring dental hygiene. I realize I've been brushing for longer than two minutes and force myself to stop. Rinsing my mouth out before I splash my face with cold water. My thoughts are shattered by the twinkling bells of my ringtone; I jump at the sound as it shatters the silence. With a hiccup, I give myself a shake and force my shaky legs to move to my room.

Dropping onto the bed, I pick up my cell, staring at the number for a moment longer. I've seen the number before; I answer with a hiccup. "Yeah?" Can I be more of a mess? I take a deep breath as I rub my face slowly.

"Are you alright, darling? It sounds like you're crying." Hearing Axel's voice, I sniffle and sit up straighter. Glancing at the clock, I rub my eyes; why is he calling at four in the morning?

"No, you know what time it is, right?" I hiccup, wincing; yeah, that drives home my point, I'm sure; I push my hair out of my face.

"You can't lie for shit, darling; why are you crying?" I roll my eyes, I don't want to talk about it, not with a stranger.