Starstruck | C.H

31. F*** You

Sophia

Have you ever experienced something exhilarating and wonderful that you start to think is this too good to be true? Something that you deep down knew wouldn't last forever and these sort of things weren't supposed to happen to you, but you just kind of roll with it because you're so happy and you think things are finally working out and then something happens that snaps you back to reality and everything starts to break down to reveal what actually is happening? Because I feel like that right now.

Laying here, it's three in the morning and I still haven't slept yet. The events from the airport were replaying over and over in my head on a constant loop. Every time I attempted to shut my eyes I would see everything unfold as clearly as it was when it happened.

Earlier

I cringed as Calum's fist made contact with the concrete wall. 

I couldn't believe what had just happened. I wanted to fight off the tears so badly, I'm not one to cry, it shows me as weak and vulnerable. And me crying now, the big sobbing mess I am just highlighted that I was in fact a coward. Why couldn't I have stood up for myself why did I have to cry like a fucking baby.

I was embarrassed, humiliated and furious with myself. And I felt bad for Calum. This was all my fault, I shouldn't have agreed to come on this trip, I wasn't needed anyway. I was just asking for this to happen.

"Calum I'm so sorry," I sniffled. Girl get yourself together. I stood up and walked to him, taking his hand in mine. It was all bloody, I sighed.

"Don't be silly Sophia, this isn't your fault, it was Chris'," He pulled me into a hug and I took a few moments to get my unsteady breathing under control. 

"I know Calum but we all know this would never have happened if I wasn't here." I pulled away and folded my arms looking down at the floor.

Ashton put his hand on my shoulder, "You can't think like that Sophia. Don't put yourself down like that. Calum is absolutely right...for a change," He winked at Calum and I smiled lightly, "Chris didn't plan this with your safety at mind." He rubbed circles around my back.

"Sophia, I should be apologising too, I can't believe I outed us like that. I've ruined this opportunity for you now because of my loud, unfiltered mouth." Calum said, it was obvious he was still super mad.

I shook my head in defeat, "Honestly Calum, that's the last thing on my mind right now. I mean, I knew I would be going home soon anyway." I shrugged.

"Yeah, but you would have still had someone to work with and support you." He snapped.

Luke approached us, "I've been thinking this for a while now, but as front man of this band, I think I speak for everyone that one this has blown over, we need a new management team." 

They didn't have to do this.

***

I was one hundred percent shitting myself. I paced the waiting area outside as I waited for Calum to arrive and the doors to Chris' office open. I'm scared, I mean I know I'm getting kicked off the probation but what's going to happen with Calum and I?

The doors to the waiting room opened and Calum strode in, his hand was bandaged up and he looked like he hadn't had much sleep either, if not any.

I didn't know what to say to him and he obviously felt the same as we both took a seat on opposite couches. 

I studied Calum, he was leant back in the chair, his knees apart and his hands clasped together on his lap. He had his head rolled back and he was staring up at the ceiling. Every few seconds he would let out a sigh and gulp and then occasionally shake his head like he was thinking deeply about something.