There's a numbness that settles over my heart
My pulse is unsteady as I breathe in the smoke
That clouds my lungs and makes me dizzy
The taste of nicotine is new on my tongue
I have felt alone since the day I left my home
And to the city I went to fill the void with noise
But now I sit smoking a cigarette to kill off
The loneliness that has sunken into my bones
I sit on a chair with three legs barely balancing
The weight of my being and my sins, burdening
More than just my chair in this smoke filled air
My head won't stop buzzing with darker thoughts
Sometimes I think of death of some sort of salvation
But I'm afraid that hell may be my final domain
So I opt to exist in this purgatory we call the world
Killing myself with the stick between my fingers
The lighter beside me may create blazing warmth
With a simple flick of a couple skilled fingers
But my disposition disintegrates any sort of fire
That dares to burn my soul and make me feel alive
So if the shrunken stick between my fingers
Had a voice it would be the first to say
I'm wasting my life by locking myself away
From anything that could ever rescue me
But now my cigarette is gone and dead
And ash lingers on my fingers as I say goodbye
To the only light I've ever let into my life
As a way to cope with the darkness always by my side
