Rain in the Sun

22 - Tears of the Moon

[Kongpob's POV]

I stilled, eyes closed as I pressed my lips to his soft trembling ones. I finally told him how I really feel about him. For a long time, I wanted to confess this feelings that is slowly growing inside me but I just don't know how. I'm scared, I admit. There are many possibilities of what could happen and I'm afraid that most of them are falling on the negative side. I at least can live with being rejected but if he ends up hating me or worse, despising me and being disgusted of me, I don't think I know how to move from that point.

My eyes opened when I felt a soft push on my shoulder. He pulls away but his eyes are staring at me. Those eyes are filled with so many emotions that I'm having a hard time in reading each one of them.

"Kongpob," he calls in a trembling voice. "What are you doing?"

I released a shuddering breath and straightened my posture, gaze not leaving his. "I thought you should know by now. After all, I already told you how I feel about—" I was cut off when he suddenly stood up, huffing and eyes glaring at me.

"If this is another of your stunts; I'm telling you, this isn't funny."

To say that I'm not hurt is not true, but I can't blame him if he thinks that way. All this time, I hid how I truly felt with jokes and teasing. Not anymore. I will make sure that I will convey to him clearly how I feel about him. I stare at his eyes and I thought I saw fear in them but it was just for a second so I dismissed it.

"What I said is true, Arthit," I started, calling him with his real name to show that I'm serious. "I truly love you— for a long while now. I don't know when it started but it just happened. If you're going to ask me why, I also can't give you an answer. Like what I've said, it just happened. I can't stop myself thinking about you. When you're with me, I feel so full like my heart will explode. My eyes automatically search for you when you're not around. I find myself smiling whenever I think of you that Aim says I look creepy. Your smallest gestures make me smile. When you're near me, I find it hard to breathe. And when you're with someone else, my heart aches and I feel jealousy bubbling in my chest."

He took a deep breath as his gaze left mine. I watch as he worries on his lower lip, brows furrow in what I can say is worry and other emotions I still can't grasp.

"I love you, Arthit."

He shook his head, one hand rubbing on his arms. "Y-you can't love me, Kongpob," he finally said after a while and I thought I hear my heart break. There was a pregnant silence in the air before he finally raises his gaze towards me. His mouth opens only to close again. His eyes unsteady, trying to find words to say but he couldn't.

I smile although I know it doesn't reach my eyes, my heart is too heavy at the moment. "Arthit," I called, trying to fight back the tears I know would fall any minute now.

He stopped and looks at me. "I— I'm sorry to put you in this situation," I continued, heaving labored breaths. Damn, it hurts more than I thought this rejection would hurt. "I understand. You don't have to say anything more. I just thought that you," I paused as I released a shuddering breath. "I... I thought you feel the same way." My hand instinctively reached to catch a lone tear that cascaded down my cheek.

"Kongpob..." I heard him whisper my name but I couldn't look at him anymore. This is too painful. I turned my back on him and try to even my breathing. Why did I even say that I can live with being rejected? I don't see him hating me, despising me or even being disgusted but why is this so hard? I choked a sob but bit my lower lip to try to suppress the rest but this time, I can't stop the onslaught of tears that keep pouring down my closed eyes.

"I think I'll be going first," I let out before I force my feet to move and walk away but I have not walked far before I hear him call and soon, my back is pressed against his chest and his arms around me. I was so shocked that I froze. And then I heard it. He is crying too and his body is shaking against mine.

[Arthit's POV]

Kongpob... He loves me. I thought he was teasing me again and I got mad; real mad. I know about how I feel for him. As much as I deny it and tell myself that it's nothing more than friendship, I know deep down inside, in my very core that what I feel for him is love. I love him.

And then he confessed and I was shocked. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to feel. A part of me wants to shout in glee and tell him that I feel the same way but my fear stops me and renders me immobile. I watch him let his heart out and in sync, I feel my chest constricts with pain. I couldn't take it anymore and so I avoided his gaze and shook my head. I told him he can't love me and I hear my own heart breaking.

After building my courage, I finally look at him again only to feel like I was knocked out of air. There is too much pain in his eyes that I find it hard to breathe. No. I can't hurt him. I don't want to. God, I love him. Why is this so hard?

I tried to say something; anything but I couldn't find the words. He called my name and my eyes automatically landed on his. I can see how he's trying to smile but the more he tries, the more it hurts. He says he thought I feel the same way. I do. I do, Kongpob. I do. But I'm scared...

He turned his back on me and I watch his shoulder tremble. He's in pain and I know I am the one inflicting it. I shook my head and the image of the last I saw of P'Surya flashed in my mind. I also remember how my parents cry over his death. I don't want to hurt them anymore. But in return, I am hurting myself and Kongpob. I'm torn. I don't know what to do.

"I think I'll be going first," he says and my eyes snapped at his direction as he walks away. I feel like him walking away from me right now is him walking away from me forever. I panic. Without thinking, I called his name and run towards him. I wound my arms around him to stop him from leaving. I don't even realize that I am crying. All I know is that I can't let him walk away. I love him. I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry, mae. I'm sorry, por. I'm sorry P'Surya... I love him...

[Kongpob's POV]

I turned around and Ai'Oon immediately buries his face on the crook of my neck, his arms tightening its hold around me. Hesitantly, my hand reaches for his back and rubs it up and down. After a while, his cry subsided to mere hiccups. My hand stilled but I didn't take it away from his back.

I don't understand or rather, I can't understand him. Is he trying to console me because he breaks my heart? I don't take it against him. It's not his fault that he doesn't feel the same way about me. I'm the stupid one who has mistaken my progresses of him having feelings for me. It's so stupid of me to think he was jealous of P'Khao.

"I am," he suddenly said and I stared at him with wide eyes. His puffy eyes are now staring back at me. I pulled away but his arms around me stopped me right away. "Don't go," he pleaded and I got more confused. "Please..." he added and I find myself nodding my head.

His arms unwound around me and I immediately feel the warmth leaving with it. He held my gaze for a few seconds before he averted his eyes his cheeks tinted in a lovely pink. I want to kick myself right now for I still find him so cute despite the heartbreak. I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

"I am," he repeated what he said a while ago, "jealous of P'Khaofang," he continued a few seconds after which widened my eyes. "You're not stupid. You are right," he stopped and his gaze met mine again. "I do feel the same way about you, Kongpob."