Chapter 54

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"I need you, idiot"

Sitting on my bed, tear stained face, I tried to regain my posture

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Sitting on my bed, tear stained face, I tried to regain my posture. No I wasn't on my time of the month, thank you very much. Just the feeling of being so alone scared me, sudden fear took over me.

It wasn't normal. But it happened. Sometimes if not realise it until then. And then I'd break down. As Jayden fetched me a tub of ice cream, I rolled my eyes and pushed it away.

"I'm not losing my damn six pack because of a tub of ice cream." I rolled my eyes at him. He then went to go get another tub. A look of disbelief sat on my face.

"You don't even have a six pack." Jayden replied and I felt my face scrunch up in offence. And then I took it upon my face to leave a cocky grin there.
"How do you know? Been checking me out?"
He rolled his eyes and took out a huge packet of sensations (I swear, me and the author are addicted to the stuff) and I nodded. "Now that's what I'm talking about." I laughed, shaking off the tears.

Coming to mention it, it's probably scary to think that people who are playing a while football league - or soccer league ; stupid bloody Americans - to have this much junk food. And this isn't even their home. Yeah that's pretty traumatising thing to imagine, so save yourself and don't.

"Now, I don't know a lot about me, I mean that's ironic because I am me so technically I should know, but I don't. And I'm still piecing a lot together. So if it comes off as confusing... yeah." I rambled incoherently, making no sense whatsoever, I guess?

Yes I was beyond nervous. This was the first time someone was going to get the real thing. Maybe I wasn't gonna be able to divulge all the information of my existence tonight, maybe I would.

"It's okay, Alex. Maybe you should, I don't know, take your time - find yourself first. I feel very honoured to listen to your story, don't get me wrong. I mean, I'm probably being the first to listen to it anyways. Just because we've got this... I don't know, this mess of a semi relationship and a semi friendship, you don't need to feel obliged to tell me anything." Jayden looked into my eyes, like he was communicating the words of his heart to my heart. He understood.

His delicate, umber eyes reflected compassion and understanding. Whilst busy getting lost in the maze of his eyes, a soft hand squeezed mine reassuringly.

My hand slightly flinched at the sudden contact, but relaxed straight after, realising it was only Jayden. The miniature 'move' shall we call it sent my heart escalating to beating over two hundred beats per minute. And that was double, in some cases triple, the amount of beats per second a normal person my age would grow through ; the normal heart rate was between 60 and 100 beats per minute (bpm) - mine surpassed that years ago.

Euphoria erupted inside of me, yet felt so foreign. When was the last time I felt like this? Probably never. Pretty sad to think about it, is what a lot of people told me in secondary school and my tuition class I taught on Saturdays. But honestly, I was glad I was experiencing this now of all times. It just felt like I was mature and I could trust myself, and rusty giving my heart.

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