Love Without Limits (Wattys2019)

CHAPTER 21

Kai on multimedia.

•••

Beg

Mino:
Can we talk?

I didn't bother to open the rest of his messages and went to delete the thread. For starter, this is a fresh must.

Kai cleared his throat trying to catch my attention. I flushed at the realization I forgot that he's with me tonight and here I was thinking of things instead of paying attention.

"I'm sorry. Uh, do you mind if I ask where we goin'?" Smooth, I flashed a shy smile.

At the back of my mind, I'm thinking what kind of date is that friendly date? I mean, would it be like those kind of dates when I'm with my friends. Chahee, Dony and a lot more of them. Does it mean, eating, shopping, chatting, gaming, barhopping.. all those kind of stuffs.

I'm really curious.

I've never been to any romantic date so I couldn't tell how this friendly date would turn out similar to that knowing he kind of.. feels something. Ers.

"I'll show you later when we get there," that's it.

I arced my brow and adjusted my crossed arms. "Owww.. kay?"

He did not said anything after that so I just did not comment further. We didn't really traveled far since he parked his car near the entrance of Sky Park.

Funny, this is where I asked him before if he likes me and then he said he doesn't. And now, here we are again on a friendly date. The irony of it.

"I mean this chilling rather than friendly date." I finally broke the silence first after we get off the car.

He chuckled and sat on the hood of his car. It wasn't dark but the street lights dimmed in yellow illuminating his face makes him look like some sort of a leading man from a famous kdrama. Well, he is indeed. Saw some of his soap, lead role or not. Thought it is somewhat coincidental since I'm really into Netflix.

"To be honest, I meant to take you on a date but then.." he smiled and looked away. "..that happened."

"I'm sorry."

He sighed. "Gwaenchana. It's not like you did something wrong. I clearly understand what you mean by that."

I looked down and silently cursing myself seeing someone getting hurt because of me.

"I actually booked a dinner reservation after we arrived from Manila. But now that we're just friends, I think that would be too risky. I can't risk the possibility of getting us on the headline. Plus I know it'll do no good to both of us if I'd push through.."

The walls I'm starting to build between us came crushing down. There's no point of putting the walls when I don't intend to shut my door.

He did nothing but good to me for the past months and I see no reason to build a wall between us just to prove a point to know our limits.

But I can't blame myself fully. I was just really scared we'd just end up like what happened to us with Hanbin.

"Thank you," I gave him my warmest and sincerest smile.

After bluntly rejecting him over the phone and personally, he still did that to protect me.

The next girl he'd fall in love with, I'm sure would be one of the luckiest girl on earth. Kai doesn't deserve me because he deserves someone willing to catch him when he falls.

Not me. Who's heart has been broken to pieces and in the process of mending all the wounds I got.

What happened between Mino and I, it still pains me to bits but I couldn't dwell on hating him for that because I'm at fault too. I forgot hoping is similar to presuming. I presume it was me all along, but it was still her all those time.

I hate that he didn't told me earlier so I could probably limit myself to where I should stand. And I hate him more for saying that he loves me when he can't even try to be honest with me.

He might didn't promised or said anything for me to hope but dropping me like a potato everytime he had a chance to lift my hopes up by doing all those things for me, I couldn't stand it.  I felt like a trash for being that stupid to realize something was wrong along.

That if he really wants me, he could've fight for me. But he didn't.

Maybe all this things happens for a reason. And what reason it might be, I only hope for the good one.

"Do you mind if I ask you something?" From the ground, he lifted his gaze back at me.

I shook my head.

"Can't we really be more than this?"

Taken by surprise, I wasn't able to comprehend fast. I stood there in front dumbfounded.

He laughed emptily. "Sorry. I can't help to ask. It's just.. it's really hard to wake up everyday and always had to remind myself that you already said no. I really wanted to respect your decision. But, Jen.. I waited for this chance to get close to you. It was even more harder to be close to you because I couldn't have you. It was even hard to see you laughing with those guys. It took me for so long to gather all my courage to tell you that I'm inlove with you. But I didn't want to pursue you without your consent.."

My mind literally went blank as the fast beating of my heart became more furious. Hearing all of this is just too much.. I can't handle this heavy feeling inside my chest.

Fuck. I did really had a feeling when he asked me on a friendly date, but this is all too much to take. I don't want to hurt him but I already did.. and I feel more guilty hearing it all now.

"I want to begged for a chance but I always had to remind myself that you said no. I want to threw all the decency I have and begged for it but I'm afraid I might lose you in the process.."

I stood there frozen on my feet. My chest would burst any moment waiting to what he'll say next.

Because damn. At the bottom of my mind, I know it feels good and melting me at the same time.

But I shouldn't feel that way and it's making me sick righy now that I couldn't let myself be drown by this.

"Mianhe.."

Still in the end, I really can't.  I just can't. Not now. I can't hurt him further.

I saw how his head bowed down, nodding as if if he finally accepting my decision.

He drove me back to my to my dorm. No one dared to talk not even me who's still in the process of processing what just happened.

Frenzied after what happened, I didn't notice the little box he hand me. Or I was just still too shocked to even care.

His words keep playing back in my head as I walked my way to our dorm.

"Jen.."

Turning my heels, Mino standing up mightily greeted me. His hawk like eyes darted on me darkly. Sensing his stance, I automatically took some step backward.

He sighed before pulling me into a hug. My heart clenched painfully as I stood there immobile.

I smiled bitterly and let myself feel the heat from his body. But that still didn't pacify the tension I felt after the talk with Kai.

And speaking of him. .dumbfounded, he stood infront of me holding a familiar chain bag. It soon made a soft thud falling to the ground.

I pulled away from Mino after seeing Kai's back already turning away.

Fuck. No shit. I don't feel good watching his back fading.

I could hear Mino calling my name but I was too busy catching my pace after Kai.

I don't know why I'm running after him but after I saw the hurt in his eyes, I lost it.

"Don't. Don't make me beg for a chance.. because I will no matter how long it takes."

--
Mino vs. Kai. Choose your own fighter. 😂