It's Kinda Complicated

26. When I am unwanted

Alert! Small rant:

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"Riya what happened that day?"

"Nothing much," I shrugged like it was nothing, trying to push down the emotions clogging my voice, "There I was, all pumped to tell Ash that I liked him too, that I made him wait far too long and that I was finally ready to accept whatever it was that he said we had, and barged into his house unannounced.

And hold and behold my apparent boyfriend had his hands cupping my best friend's face like a war soldier returning to his wife after 10 years in war. They were having their perfect hallmark moment until I walked in on them and disturbed them with my silence. I may not know much but I know exactly when I am unwanted. So, I removed myself from his room, from his house and from his life and did everyone a favor."

Silence followed, I couldn't will myself to look at her because I wasn't sure if I could keep a check on my tear glands. But I was ready, ready to grab her hand if she were to march her way to Ash and Sasha and do something unthinkable.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You know why"

"No, I don't. I can't bloody believe you kept something so big from me. How could you? I said I will be there for you. I promised you that I will never judge you and we promised each other that we are allowed to be vulnerable around each other. Yet my phone did not ring, and my door was not knocked. I was not there for you when I promised you I would. Whose fault is that? I was so stupid to think I was someone you would depend on.

When will you learn to let someone in, Riya?"

She was angry.

"Vivi please, don't talk about this with Sasha or Ash, please" I said finally looking at her. "I know you, and I did not want my issues to strain your relationship with them. I don't want to be the reason you fight with them and Sasha needed you. It wasn't that much of a big deal. I'm fine. Everything worked out well didn't it?"

She gave me an incredulous look.

"You are so complicated, I really wish I knew how your brain works" she let out a long breath and continued "and they have been together since?"

"No, broke up a year or so ago. Ash left before Sasha could complete saying 'commitment' and he is back now, trying to win her. He even asked for my help"

"What?" she scrunched her face in eight different ways and said again "what? Don't tell me you helped."

"I didn't. I just told him stuff he needed to hear."

A few minutes passed, and I downed two more glasses and was admiring the view ahead of us when Vivi whispered "How did you forgive her?"

"She was in a bad place when I saw her, she was broken and rarely smiled. She needed someone Vivi, she needed a shoulder and I knew exactly what that felt like. I didn't want her to go through what I went through."

"And in the process, you forgave her?"

I shrugged "I don't know. I don't know if I forgave her, it all so tangled you know. Whose fault was it at the end of the day? I don't know. I don't even know if I have the right to be upset. So, I don't know if I forgave either of them, but I know that I will never be able to forget. That doesn't mean I will rub it on their face every time I see them. If they are happy together who am I to stop?"