It's Kinda Complicated

32. Are you dying

If my looks had supernatural powers, Ryan would be struck by a lighting and Sasha would have turned into a crow.

Yet again I am reminded of this fact and I just sit there looking at Ryan with murderous thoughts running through my head.

"Ryan you should go. I need to talk to her, alone." Sasha said softly, looking at Ryan. It looked like he wanted to protest but he gave it a thought and stood up to leave.

"Try to get her to forgive all of us or I am screwed. Mini might not marry me and if she does that, I will kill you and Nick. I mean it." Ryan warned Sasha and walked away.

Yes, please, go ahead and talk to her like I am not here.

Minutes passed by and I was getting agitated.

"If you don't want to talk, I am leaving. But, if you want to say something this is your last chance."

"What do you want me to say? That I am sorry? I am not. Ok, there I said it. I am not sorry. Nick is a great guy and he likes you. You have lost faith in love because of me. I am the reason you are like this, so I wanted to help you meet someone and realize that you deserve love too."

"You think too highly of yourself, don't you?"

Hurt was very evident on her face. But, I couldn't stop myself anymore. Years of repressed emotions surfaced in the most horrible way possible.

"How can you say that? How can you say you are not sorry? How do you have no regret for what you did and how dare you not feel a speck of guilt after everything you did to me? I would understand if Ryan did this, I understand if Nick did this. But you? You have known me ever since I have really known myself. You were there when I first said my fears out loud, you know all about my insecurities and issues. You know the kind of person I am and how I react to anything. I have not really been a relationship because of so many reasons and they are mine to deal with. I am not your charity case. You don't have to fix my life. And I have not lost my faith in love because of you or your boyfriend. I just lost trust. And how dare you tell me all this and act like this is for my good. You have not said sorry to me once about what happened now or what happened years ago."

She just hung her head low and looked down at her figures not uttering a word.

"What were you thinking Sasha? You had a moment with my boyfriend years ago because of which we broke up, so you would find me a new guy and we can call it even? I give you my boyfriend and you get me new one? That's not how it works."

"I was not thinking like that." There was a very long stretch of silence, both of us weighing on what we had to say next.

"I have not said sorry years ago, because I don't know how to deal with you. It is easy to deal with angry Riya or crying Riya. It is impossible to deal with disappointed Riya. When you are upset, you become indifferent. It is easy to be hated by you than be treated like a stranger. Being treated like a stranger by you, would have made me realize the full impact of what Ash and I did and how wrong that was. But it just happened Riya. I have not planned it. I never thought I'd like him that way. I had not planned for our friendship to turn into something else. I did not plan on getting back together with him. But I sorry. I am sorry for everything we did back then. We were young and did not care much about the repercussions."

Nothing she said would ease my pain and I was upset with myself for bring up what happened years ago. They were happy now and that was all that mattered.

"I just hope you are happy. I am sorry if I said something wrong. I know I did, but I am really mad. You had no right Sasha, you had no right to go on with the plan with Nick."