Emison || Old Habits Die Hard

Reliving The Past

~Emily POV~

As soon as I got that text, my heart dropped. I thought that picture was out of my life forever. I guess it was too good to be true. I mean it was only one time, I think. What does this person want? Why do they hate me?

I realized that I was holding Ali's hand. I felt guilty, I didn't deserve her. I tried to hold in my emotions as I dropped her hand. I quickly muttered some excuse. I had to get out of there and away from her. Just as I was about to work up the courage to kiss her.

I drove to the one place that calmed me, the lake. When we first moved here, the lake was the place I went to collect my thoughts. I sat by the lake and tried to forget what happened in San Diego during Freshman year. I was just so confused about my sexuality, and things got out of hand. I remembered the day when I first started experiencing major depression.

I had decided to find out if my mom would be okay with me being a lesbian.

"Hey, Mom." I said.

"What's up, Em?" She answered.

"Well, I read in the news that Anna Paquin came out as bisexual." I said, trying to casually start up a conversation about lesbians. But there was no need to say anymore.

"Ugh. And to think I used to be a fan of hers." She responded, disgusted.

"You don't support gay rights?" I tried to ask nonchalantly. In reality, I could feel my heart breaking.

"Why do you sound so surprised? Your grandparents would be horrified if you or I were gay. They would probably murder us in our sleep." She laughed. "Emily, we are religious family we don't believe in homosexuality. Don't you know that? The Bible says that marriage is a relationship between a man and woman. What's the point of loving if you can't marry?"

"I don't know, I guess love is love." I said, trying not to cry.

"Emily, you don't support gays, right? I didn't raise you right if you do." She said harshly.

"No, of course not. I was just curious about what you thought on the situation." I replied, hastily.

"Good. Now I'm going to go to the store. Do you want anything?" She asked, much more kindly.

"No." I said as I ran up the stairs, trying not to break down in tears.

"Okay, Em. I love you!" She said as she left the house.

I remember that once I got up into my room, I jumped into my bed, grabbed my pillow and sobbed. Being a lesbian was definitely not okay with my family. I was so angry. I ran into my bathroom and found a razor blade. I tore off my shirt and started cutting my wrists. One they were raw and red, I moved to my stomach, and then my thighs. After I was all cut up and bloody, I wasn't angry anymore, I was sad. I covered up the scars and left my bathroom. And that's how my depression began. But, as I said, that's how it began. If I could go back, I would. I was so stupid, so hormonal.

Over time, it got worse and worse. I started to do drugs and I started to obsessively drink. I took antidepressants, drank at least a bottle tequila everyday and started to smoke. I even got into marijuana. By then, Sophomore year had already ended.

Once the picture started to circulate, I decided I needed help. Except I didn't want to turn myself in. It was too embarrassing. I decided to leave clues so my parents would find out what I was doing everyday. And once they did, to took me to a specialist who said that they should put me in rehab, as my case was very serious. He suggested Radley Sanitarium, which was located in Rosewood.

My parents hesitantly sent me there and said they would move to Rosewood as soon as possible, after they got the house and my father job sorted. Since I actually wanted to quit taking drugs, I did extremely well in rehab. Instead of doing a two year treatment, it only lasted six months. My dad, since he was in the military, asked for his job to be relocated to Rosewood. They accepted the request and my parents moved here just as I was finishing my 6th month in rehab.

I was doing so well, and I had been clean for six months, and my doctor said it would be okay if I started school as Junior, even though I should be a Senior. And that's why I came to Rosewood High halfway through the school year.

But now whoever took that picture was threating me again. I though once I went to Radley it would be over, but I was wrong. I couldn't let that picture get out. I hadn't told anyone about it, not even my doctors at Radley and especially not my not parents. It would be ruin me.

Hey guys!! I can't believe so many people are reading this story!! What do you think the picture is of? Why would it ruin her? Will Emily tell Ali? Will she ever have the courage to come out? Stay tuned for the next chapter. The romance is coming💋

-Skye