Dear Daery

- DAELIBERATION -

"I am truly sorry khrub, but this is my decision, please consider mine. I hope the dean will approve you initiation. I'll get going first. Swasdee khrub."

That word keep playing again and again like a symphony in my head. The guilt is crept all over my body. How can I say that word to P'Kong. I truly sorry and I don't mean to use that word, it just my subconscious taking over me, who are willing to protect me from getting hurt. Now because of this feeling, I can't sleep even it is midnight already.

"What should I do now?" I messed my hair in frustrated. Overthinking and anxiety is back accompany me. I kinda hate at this kind of hour where your hormone is help you to overthinking. I lay on bed doing nothing just staring at the ceiling. I can't sleep because my mind goes wild and thinking a thousand worse scene that will ever happened next day, including the ridicule one like dropping out because missing the opportunity of initiation. But the other side of you, happened to know that you must to have a nice rest, knowing that tomorrow I have 6 credits of lecture with Calculus I in it which will drained all your focuses.

I grab a milk inside my refrigerator to calm down my nerve and taking a very cold shower. After feeling a bit better, I try to continue reading my novel in comfy couch to make me sleep. As the chapter go and so the time is flashing forward, my eyes began heavy. I put my book next to my pillow and turn off the light. Everything went black after that.

.

.

Thing went so fast after that very long night. Sure why not? The never-ending task of Calculus is coming, I finished one and two is showed up, see it getting worst and worst every week. Plus the engineering drawing is not my thing when it is come offline. I do love drawing, but drawing precisely is not kind of an art, I mean like there are rules about the line, where we should make strip line or a bold one, not to mention you have the exact measurement of scale, 1 centimeter wrong can be fatal. Thanks to this busy yet killing me kind of hour, I have no time to be so dramatic about that guilt.

The 2nd session lecture in Thursday is finally finished. People already filling e-café with their unique face, from hungry and bored-look, satisfied from the dismissed class until the sleepy face whom just wake up from daydreaming in class, a sleep mark can be seen clearly on his cheek. The queue is getting longer every second even people are struggling to join the line or they'll miss lunch and having a tough afternoon lecture with growling stomach, and I don't want that.

My class for Engineering Process I is postponed till 2 am, I still have a time to enjoy myself from this breezy wind which make you sleepy. I kinda relieved not seeing and meeting some senior gangs or even worse, sitting in the same table with them. I am not ready yet for another profanity from me to that dazzling hazing leader, he is a good guy. As my mind wandering somewhere and so does my vision, my eyes caught some folk flocking to the wall magazine pointing at some news and chattering about their opinion. I want to bet there are some scholarship or some internship is coming up really soon, exchange program may be, but seeing those sparkling eyes from the lady I believed it is 100% sure, the news is not about educational program, it is about something, refreshing, fancy, holiday, or hot boys.

I know curiosity killed the cat and I don't like to brag myself to the hot topic. But I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only one who began to curious about some folks is gathering and pointing at thing. Isn't it suspicious how happy they were after seeing that thing. When the crowds began leaving the spot, I try to seek what is the news is all about.

"Engineering Back To Nature." Oh this is the event that the hazing gangs talking about on Monday right? It seems my prayers have been answered, I can see the dean is approving this agenda now.