//1 month later//
Within the past few weeks I've been told the same things over and over again.
"Sorry for your loss."
"Everything's gonna be okay."
"Find a way to get your mind off things.."
So that's exactly what I did.
I never thought I'd be the girl to lose her virginity junior year. Especially not to someone I wasn't even dating. He was really focused on doing anything he could to help me. It was all really weird to me but I didn't even think about it. I just did whatever, not feeling guilty of anything. I was using him and he acted like he wanted it, as long as my mind would be off my little brother for a while. Bad choice? Most likely.
I don't know, I guess I loved him for that, but it didn't work. I hadn't expected it to anyway. I didn't think anything would get my mind off my brother. I don't really care, though. I was numb to any feelings right now. I'll probably regret this later.
The night I lost my brother shoots to #1 on my list of miserable days, right next to the day I lost my mom.
Today's the same as it's always been the past month. Me refusing to get out of bed, or me trying to distract myself with schoolwork. But these past two days were different.
I heard light knocking on my door. A woman's voice spoke when she realized I wasn't going to answer.
"Eliza, sweetie, I made breakfast. I know this is very hard on you, but you have to eat."
I stayed silent and waited until the sound of her footsteps made their way back down the stairs.
I hated how she talked to me like a mother. Like my mother. I don't know about you, but the thought of your ex-boyfriend's mom currently living with you and trying to act like you're her daughter creeps the hell out of me, grosses me out, and scares me.
You may be wondering where her lovely son is, well I'm pretty sure his exact words were, "I am not living in a house with a girl I've made out with! Unless we're married and our parents aren't."
So basically, Jack lives with his dad about two hours away from here. He refused to switch schools, though. But I guess it's his choice of whether or not he wants to wake up at 4 in the morning everyday.
I've never really talked to Jack at all this month, except when he told me "You were an amazing sister to him" that night. He's left many missed calls on my phone and texts I'd ignored, so I think he gave up.
Do you ever have a dream about someone and for some reason that dream effects how you think of that person? Well that's what's been happening with Jack. The dream I had of him over a month ago, running my dad over with a car, was still bugging me. It wasn't fair to him that I was ignoring him because of a nightmare that he had no control over, but his dark image next to my dad's dead body constantly flashed through my head whenever I thought of him.
I finally threw off my covers and slumped down the stairs, uninterested in anything.
I awkwardly grabbed a plate full of food Kathryn oh-so-sweetly prepared for me and took mouse bites each time my fork made its way near my mouth.
After about 5 minutes of silence, my dad finally spoke up, wiping his eyes and I knew he struggled to speak, "Uh, Miss Paulson called this morning. She was wondering if we wanted to pick up any of Elliot's things, like projects or work tomorrow, after school. I would go, but I have a meeting. Eliza, do you think you can make it?"
I nodded, no expression on my face.
Piles of paper and utensils scattered the floor of my bedroom. I shoved all of it into my backpack, not wanting to give my homework another try.
--
I woke up with a headache and pain in my stomach. Then I felt everything--
oh no.
