Three Cheers To A Never Ending Summer

Epilog

College starts on Monday and I am absolutely terrified. Funny how my entire high school career I hated being in high school, but at this moment I'd rather be back in the familiar hell then unfamiliar heaven. Right now though, I'm sitting in the chill room, with Zach, Jessie, Ethan, Elias, Cole, Zane, and Max. I'm the only girl because Nyah doesn't hangout with us anymore, I wish there was another female, but I'll settle to be with the people I care about.

"I start college Monday" I laugh scared, Monday is in only two days

"Im not going to college" Jessie laughs, I feel bad, because I don't want to see my close friends turn homeless or to hard drugs

"Me neither" Zach sighs

"I'm taking another year off" Ethan laughs

"Nigga you ain't going to college, you goin be sitting on ma and dads couch yo whole ass life" Ethan and Elias are twins, Ethan is more into LSD, and Molly, never does anything, and his whole life is drugs. While Elias is in community college, the same one I'm going to, he actually is compassionate, and cares about his friends, as well as his future.

"Shut up Elias" he slaps his brother over the head

"I got into San Fransisco" Cole admits

"Really?!" Zach smiles, he still kind of cared about life. Cole doesn't, but his family wants him to go, and he'll do anything for his family

"Yeah" he smiles, "Hey Amanda?"

"What?" I sigh

"Can we talk?"

So me and Cole walk out into the hall of the basement, closing the door. Everyone's listening, I know it because it's silent, but I don't care.

"I know you hate me- but-"

"Cole" I interrupt "I don't hate you"

"You don't?" His eyes widen

"No" I laugh "I just- I really loved you, and you hurt me. I was upset and let down"

"I'm so sorry" he looks as if he's about to cry

"I forgive you" I tell him and he smiles "But I can't just forget about it"

"Do you still love me?" He steps closer to me and my heart starts racing

"No" I lie and his face drops, every part of my body is begging me to scream at him that I'm lying, but I have to protect myself

"Really?" He says

"Yeah" I lie

"Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me" I look him in the eyes, and I'm fighting tears

"I don't love you" a tear leaks from my eye and he looks down at it, then back at my eyes

"Okay" he shrugs, then goes to walk back in, once again, leaving me confused, I do love him, why didn't I tell him? I lost my opportunity! It's all my fault...

"Stop fucking with my feelings Cole" I say and he turns around with a smirk "I'm not"

"You did that just to- ya know what asshole? I'm never taking you back! Not because I'm not good enough for you, but because your not good enough for me!" I scream and his eyes widen when he realizes he actually lost me this time "I'm done playing your sick fucking games"

"Amanda-"

"No" I say, tears are fully down my face streaming "I always told myself you were the one for me and that we were meant for each other. You were never really the one for me, but deep down I really wanted you to be"

"No no no don't leave" he grabs me as I turn around

"Fuck off" I shake him off as I go to open the door

"AMANDA DON'T LEAVE"

"You don't want me when I'm here, only when I'm gone" I shove him, and run to Zach's door, then he grabs my hair and pulls me to the ground

"YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME!"

"Cole what the fuck" Max says, and I pull myself up off the floor, then stand

"I-I didn't mean to" He stutters, then looks at me wife eyed

"I'm not gonna be with someone who fucking hits me!" I scream, then run out of the house, then Max comes out, and runs after me. So I pick up the speed, then head into the park where I climb up a tree, the one I always climb. But this time I go all the way into the top, and there I finally snap. I start balling crying. I don't want this life, I don't want to live at all. I'm a model, a musician, a student, and a soon to be photographer. I have it all, but I also feel like I'm nothing. My whole life I've been carrying  around this constant feeling of worthlessness, and sometimes it goes away, but always it comes back.

"Amanda?" Max calls and I hold my breath "Fuck fuck"

He's so worried, I should tell him I'm okay

"Amanda please answer me!"

Tell him where you are, let him help

"Amanda god dammit" he whines

"I'm up here" I choke out, the after a few minutes I look down to see him looking out

"How the fuck did you get up there?!"

I laugh, wiping my tears "I just did" I go to climb down then a branch snaps and I gasp

"Amanda!" He shrieks, and I laugh, then keep going down until my feet are on the ground again "Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine" I nod smiling, then he looks at me and I start crying again, so he hugs me

"I'm so sorry about Cole" he whispers

"He- he hit me at the houseboat" I admit "Then he fucked Nyah, and and.  I tried to kill myself in eighth grade I'm so stupid for letting him use me again"

"It gonna be okay" Max pulls away smiling at me, then he whips my tears

Max is such an amazing guy, so funny, and cheers you up, but when you need him he's there. He doesn't talk or cause shit. He's the best, he's helped me so much and I'm so thankful for him.

"Your gorgeous" he tells me and I cry a bit smiling "inside and out, and you can do way better then Cole"

"Really?" I say, and he nods then hugs me again, in his arms I feel safe

"Amanda I'm so sorry" Cole says, he just arrived at the park, I look up at him, and the rest of the guys are behind him awkwardly

"I don't care" I sing

"Cole just leave" Max pleads, and so defeated, he does, and that's the last time I ever saw Cole, because only three days later he killed himself. My first week of school was already bad, and then the news made it so much harder. He was gone forever, and it was all my fault.