He Wore A Hood (HWAH #1)

25. thongs aren't a girl's best friend

25. thongs aren't a girl's best friend 

A thin strip of cloth, constantly seeking comfort between your buttcheeks.

What sort of injustice was this?

It was all I could find.

One fated thong, destined to be nestled between my buns of steel (or flubber? we can go with flubber)

Thongs were so uncomfortable, but I knew quite a few girls who didn't mind wearing them every single day. How does one cope with a string grazing their buttcrack all day? Because the longer I wore the contraption, the more I felt the urge to petition the selling and manufacturing of such an uncomfortable thing.

School would begin in 15 minutes, which meant I had approximately 5 minutes to discern whether or not I would wear the thong...or go commando.

Commando was just a disaster waiting to happen.

Then again, so was the thong-- but also then again at least my vagina could remain the mystery it had always been.

A mystery just waiting for Detective Anthony to solve it

Hoe, hoe, stop.

I scolded myself.

"Today, there will be no sexual thoughts."

I looked myself in the eye in the mirror.

"You will treat Anthony as a friend, because if you don't--"

I bit my lip.

"You may end up hurt."

And that was how I left the house.

It was such a beautiful day outside, too beautiful because it was at the peak of summer, and I was sweating bullets. Of course, today would be the day that I decided to get some cardio going for myself and walk to school-- only to end up dead before even arriving.

The heat was slowly diminishing my will to survive, it was a battle of self-will and 'fuck it, it's hot.'

Fortunately, school came into view just in time. It was like in 5th grade on Field Day when there was a sack race or something and when the finish line came into view it was as if you gained the ability to soar.

And soar was exactly what I did, right into the broad back of a cinnamon stick.

"I'm sorry."

I looked up at him, smiling the way people smiled at fish in aquariums.

Anthony was like one of those pretty colorful fish that everyone was immediately drawn to, some part of you knows that the fish has more to it than the looks, like maybe the fish stings, or lights up, maybe it even blows up with spikes or makes some sort of alarming sound--and so you just stare, and stare, and stare--

It was then that I realized I was not in an aquarium, Anthony was not a fish, and I really needed to stop it with the strange comparisons.

No matter how much I tried not to let my brain get carried away, I was beginning to realize that it would probably always be this way.

"Stop zoning out, I get it, I've got your head in the clouds but--"

I scoffed and walked past him, forward into the school.

"My head was in the clouds because I had the sudden urge to be at Hogwarts chillin' with Hedwig and shit."