hope// 5SOS

32

Bella

"You all set?" Michael asked, Ashton chucking one of his hoodies over my shoulder.

"Maybe I need a few more snacks,"

"Oi you cheeky monkey," he laughed, going in the cupboard and grabbing a packet of biscuits, "share them,"

I nodded, hugging everyone goodbye and going outside to Harry. We were camping for two nights, our whole group.

My mouth felt fine now, which was a relief because we were having a barbecue both nights. Everyone else was there already, building the tent, but Luke had wanted me to have a lie in and a chill day.

"How are you feeling?" Harry asked.

"Alright," I shrugged, leaning on his shoulder. He took my hand, rubbing small circles on it.

I stayed silent on the journey, hoping the tightness in my chest was me being paranoid.

It made me nervous, this trip, because it was the first time back together in a group since everything happened. My main hope was that everything would feel normal again after tonight, after spending proper time with Harry with the same closeness as we used to have.

It used to be the one stable thing in my life, and I wanted it back.

Once we'd arrived, I grabbed my bags and had a drink- the tent was massive. We poked our heads inside and were immediately surrounded by everyone.

Ben and Holly hugged me, Kacey and Jasmin taking my bags. Jake pulled me aside, hugging me tightly.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah,"

"I just want to make sure. I like your braces,"

Harry came behind me, resting his head on top of mine and holding my waist.

"Thankyou, they feel better now,"

I shrugged Harry off a little, trying to speak to my friend and feeling uncomfortable. Instead, I held his hand. Jake raised his eyebrows but smiled, picking up the food.

"We will speak later, we need to cook food,"

"I brought loads of snacks,"

"We all did," Holly laughed, coming back and joining us.

Outside, there were chairs set up and a barbecue with picnic benches. Bottles of pop were lined up, and paper plates were stacked, waiting to be filled with food.

It was still really warm and the sun was only just starting to set.

Ben and Harry started cooking the food, and the girls gathered round to talk so I sat with Jake.

"You seem a little down,"

"I think my cold is resurfacing, and my mouth is aching a little,"

"What was going on earlier? You know we can tell him to back off,"

"Oh it's just... stuff," I sighed, giving up, "it suddenly feels all unnatural to do more than hug and hold hands,"

"You don't have to do anything you don't want,"

"I love him, and obviously he hurt me but I think that so much happened in the past week or so and he wasn't there, and this time he was one of the reasons I was hurting. I suddenly feel really distant,"

I looked down, biting my lip and suddenly feeling tearful. It made me feel so stupid and so alone.

"Hey, I get it," he said quietly, "that's perfectly reasonable. Although he hurt you, take it as an opportunity to grow- it will take time but just because he wasn't there to help, it doesn't mean he didn't want to be,"

"I was hoping this trip would make it normal again, but now I'm just being pathetic,"

"It could help, you're sharing a bed if you feel up to it, and we are all gonna be together talking. You can talk to him, but there's plenty else to do. All of us are a bit wary, but he is genuinely sorry, I promise,"

"He's acting like nothing happened, and that it's all ok, but something did happen and it hurt,"

"You need to have this conversation with him, and don't go at him otherwise he'll go at you. Go with the flow tonight, don't stress about it and enjoy his company as best as possible. You two care about each other so much, it's would hurt to see even just the friendship get pushed away,"

He stood up and hugged me again, Jasmin coming over and hugging me too. She didn't even know why but it made me feel better.

"There's food ready, are you feeling ok?"

"Yeah, I just let it out,"

"No, I mean cos you're burning hot and breathing really fast,"

"I think my cold is coming back,"

"Tell me when you feel any worse, cos that's a nasty cold,"