Caught In The Shadow [Jenlisa]

Chapter Eleven -

Lisa

"Where is she Lisa?" Jiyong's tone was anger, tempered with restraint. I knew it well. It was the tone Jiyong had adopted whenever he spoke to me in the beginning, when I had been a difficult kid. I didn't like it, not one bit.

It was early evening and the girl was still missing. She could be hundreds of miles away by now. Why the fuck had I let her go? It wasn't like me to be so impulsive, or stupid. Though lately, I wasn't so sure. First, I had failed to secure my weapon. Then I'd let her loose in the middle of the night. And now, I'd set unknown factors into play.

"I don't know where she is Jiyong. If I knew, I would be collecting her now."

"Would you?" The question held very strong implications. When had Jiyong started to doubt me? When had I ever given him cause? The answer to both questions was of course now. So I replied with the same tempered anger and restraint, "I understand how important she is, Jiyong. I know why I'm here."

To destroy Vladek. I felt mildly detached. Where and when had I lost that objective? When had my focus wavered? Strangely, I didn't feel guilty. Already, I was thinking, they could find another way to Vladek. Necessity was the master of invention. Still, I didn't know why I'd let her go. I'd known she was nearby, perhaps hiding with the bartender, the biker's body language had told me as much. So, why? Why was I suddenly risking so much when I stood to gain nothing and lose everything?

"I would usually agree Lisa," Jiyong said softly. "But you're also not in the habit of making mistakes, let alone of this magnitude. Have you forgotten so easily what I've done for you? I found you. I took you in. I helped you. Do you need to be reminded of where you would be without my interference?" My jaw clenched hard.

"No, of course not." It was also impossible for me to forget that Jiyong was so fond of reminding me. "May I also remind you that it is me who kills for you?" I had meant it to sound like a threat, but it came off as a strange plea. As if from a child to a parent. There was a long silence on the other end of the line and the longer it stretched on, the more uneasy I became. "I've failed you Jiyong. I'll make it right." Somehow, I'd find a way.

"I'm sorry I doubted you khoya," Jiyong replied, voice softening, "I know how much you have sacrificed. It is only..."

"I understand Jiyong." I paused, briefly. "I'll let you know the moment I find her." I hung up before anything else could be said. I needed to think and the longer I spoke to Jiyong, the more I thought about the wrong things though I had no clue what the right things would be. I'd never been one to grapple with slight differences.

I pressed my fingers to my forehead and tried to alleviate some of the pressure there. Was I betraying the one person I trusted? The heavy reality was finally settling in. Who was I all of a sudden? Certainly not a man of my word.

Anger rose like bile within my chest. It was her. Ever since I had laid eyes on her she had caused me nothing but confusion and conflict. I had allowed myself to feel...something. And she had repaid me by pointing my own gun at my face. My fingers touched upon the left side of my face. It still stung, in more ways than one. I pushed at my cheek, wanting to feel the tight, itchy burn just beneath the surface. I should find her. Bring her back. Take control of her and in the process myself. Is that the only reason I want her back? I thought of her soft supple body pressed against mine, her arm wrapped around my midsection.

I'd let her go, I'd done it through my own stupidity, but I'd let her go. And all I could think about was that she hadn't even looked back. She'd just run away...from me.

I almost didn't want to find her, but I couldn't stop until I did. I wasn't going to fail again.

Focus and objectivity replaced the unease and confusion. It was time to pay a visit to the bartender.