Caught In The Shadow [Jenlisa]

Epilogue 1

I'm writing this because you begged. You know how I love the begging. In fact, you probably know too many things and know them far too well.

Today is Friday, February 8th. In May it will have been four years since I sat in a tinted sedan and contemplated kidnapping Jennie. I'm twenty-nine now and I finally know it for a fact. Sometimes I wish I didn't because I have to face turning thirty in August. Jennie is eight years my junior, but you wouldn't know it by the way she talks to me sometimes (I think she just likes getting a spanking). Jennie and I have changed considerably from the people you read about. However, because you begged so nicely, I will endeavor to tell you the story you want to hear.

Before I move on, a word about names. They were very important in Jennie's books and it's worth mentioning. Shakespeare asked, "What is in a name?" I can tell you—a whole hell of a lot.

Jennie is now named Ruby. She changed her name when she entered the witness protection program in the United States in exchange for her testimony against her kidnapper and rapist (well, that's me).

However, you know her as Jennie and so I'll continue to call her that for your benefit, but of course, that would beg the question: Who am I?

Am I Lisa?

Am I Lexis?

I've often asked myself this very thing and have always come up with a different answer. Perhaps the only truthful answer is, "I am both."

Lisa will always be a part of me—probably the largest part. I want to be Lexis.

Lexis is a 29-year-old from Oregon. She was raised by her mother and always wondered about her father. She grew up with respect for women but also a need to display her firmness to make up for her lack of a father. She went to college but took time off before grad school to go and see the world. She met Ruby at The Paseo de Colon and fell instantly in love.

Lexis never met anyone named Jennie. She never hurt her.

We know different. We know the truth. So, for the purposes of this story you begged me to tell—I am Lisa.

I am the woman who kidnapped Jennie. I am the woman who held her in a dark room for weeks. I'm the one who tied her to a bedpost and beat her. I'm the one who nearly sold her into sexual slavery. But, most importantly, I am the woman she loves.

She loves me. It's quite sick, isn't it?

Of course, there's more to our story than can be surmised in a few short sentences, but I'm at a loss for justifying my behavior back then. I assume if you're reading this, I don't need to make those justifications. You've already made your own.

You're reading this because you want to know about the rest of the story. You want to know what happened that warm summer night in September of that year, the night I met Jennie at The Paseo. It was the night my life changed all over again.

It didn't happen exactly as Jennie said. She's been very kind to me in the retelling of our story. The truth is far more... complicated.

Jennie would have you believe we kissed and it was all that needed to be said.

I wish it had been so simple. The part about the kiss is true. She kissed me. It had been a year since we touched. A year since I'd watched her walk away. An entire year since she killed for me and I repaid her by dropping her off at the Mexican border covered in blood. She kissed me and my head did swim. I can tell you unabashedly, it was probably the happiest I'd ever been before.

Then she slapped me. Hard. I think my head vibrated.

I remember holding my face together and thinking, "I'm going to jail now."