One Direction BSM (Brother-Sister Moments)

BSM #1: Niall (15): The First Cut (Part 1)

TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM

It was all too much for you. You had been in high school for a couple months now and thought you were getting the hang of it, but after you failed a pop quiz in bio and an English quiz, you were done.

Niall was off with the boys recording out in London, while you were stuck at home. The boys always cheered you up, and you really needed them. Plus, you had to keep a huge secret, one that Niall was hesitant about even telling you. One Direction was getting back together, but no one else could know. You've known this for a couple months now, and have slowly isolated yourself from your old friends, scared you would accidentally tell them. But you told Niall you were fine, that keeping this secret wouldn't affect you that bad. Yet in reality, you were breaking inside.

Niall was supposed to come home in less than two weeks, in 9 days, but you weren't sure you could wait that long. You were so stressed and exhausted from crying alone every night that you didn't know what else to do. You had heard of others doing it, and thought to yourself, "I would never do that. I couldn't. It just wouldn't be possible," yet it would soon become a reality.

Last night, you didn't get a text or phone call from Niall asking how your day was, like you did everyday. You didn't get anything. Mom had told you he was really busy lately but she didn't understand. She didn't know what was going on inside of you. Niall didn't either, but for some reason you told yourself he did, and when he didn't talk to you, it pushed you really far.

Mom had to go out of town for work, and your dad had to do the same, except he had a wedding, so you were all alone for the next 9 days. And that definitely didn't help.

Tonight you were still awaiting a text or call from Niall, but it was nearly 9:30 and you still hadn't gotten one. At this point you were getting angry at Niall, and then upset because you felt guilty for being angry at your brother. Then it crossed your mind again. But this time your first thought wasn't "I could never," it was "What if I did?" And that scared you even more.

You checked your phone one last time and you had nothing from Niall. You felt entirely alone now; all your motions numb, no control over what you did. You got up from your bed, walked into your bathroom, and started looking for them. Under your sink, you finally grabbed a box of them and carefully opened it. You pulled one out, watching it glisten in the light, and then seeing your reflection ever so clearly on it. You had to do this.

At this point it wasn't a desire but more of a need, a need for that emotional relief. You studied it carefully and slowly put down the others beside you. One was all you needed. You dragged it across your wrist carefully first, not allowing it to break the surface yet, just allowing yourself to prepare. Prepare for the worst decision yet.

Before you did it, you thought about it. About how it would just be 9 more days. But you couldn't wait that long for him. You couldn't wait that long for a hug. You started. The pain was there, but you allowed yourself to ignore it, to focus on finding that relief. But you couldn't.

It felt odd to clean up and stare at your wrist now, forever changed. It was just one line, but it was the one line you had crossed. You started to cry a little, tracing over the scar, wishing you could go back, knowing it wasn't worth it. And you started to sob. It was your fault, you should've gone to someone, and you wouldn't be where you are now, even more broken then you were before.

You could hear the door open downstairs through your sobs, but kept crying, knowing there was no way you could stop. Through your sobs you could hear someone walking up the stairs, but you could only cry, mad at yourself, and upset with the world. And you heard the door creak open slightly, and you couldn't bring yourself out of your sobs to see who it was. You were completely broken.

You heard a familiar voice mutter an "Oh no, baby." You knew it was Niall now, which made you sob even more, you didn't want to let him know you were weak. He walked over, picked you up and held you close, letting you cry. He whispered things to you like, "It's okay love," "I've got you," "Let it all out," and the one that hit the hardest, "You're not alone anymore."

After you had calmed down a little more you looked up at Niall's bright blue eyes, your blue eyes staring right back. He kissed you on the forehead and you looked down at your wrist. His hand stopped running circles on your back and moved to trace the cut. You looked up at him and he told you, "It's okay. We'll get through this, my sunshine." You buried your head back into his chest and he picked you up as your legs straddled his waist. He hummed songs to you, and tucked you into his bed, him holding you close the whole night.

921 Words.