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32

"I feel a little helpless right now.
But I still feel like I can save someone." BTS, Lights

''''

I leaned my head against the window of Jin's car, glaring at all of the trees flying by as we drove.

Angrily, I wiped away my tears, my mind not leaving the prison.

I rested my hand on my leg and faced forward, glaring at the street now.

How could those dicks keep hurting my brother like that?! I've told them so many times that he gets hallucinations. Force and loud noises make it worse, soothing words and no physical interaction helps.

But they don't listen to me!

My eyes shot to Jin as he intertwined our fingers, not saying anything. He had the radio playing some classical music, but had his jaw clenched.

A policeman slapped him earlier and Jin had to restrain me from hitting the man back.

He got hurt because of me!

Jin tried to fight the policeman from pulling me away from Tommy. Apparently that's crossing a line or something stupid like that. He needed to be 'taught a lesson.'

That's such a crappy jail. Ugh I would burn it to the ground if I could.

I leaned my head back against the back rest and closed my eyes, hoping the rest of the day wouldn't be like the hell I just experienced.

But the world loves to fuck me over

——

I took deep inhales from my inhaler as I shook in the corner of the girl's bathroom.

So many people came at me today, attacking me with questions about my job and how it is and about BigHit. I got too overwhelmed and started to have a panic attack, and that led to an asthma attack.

After my breathing was normal enough, I stood up and fixed my makeup, praying the boys won't notice my puffy eyes.

When I walked out of the door, I was met with Namjoon leaning against the wall by the girl's bathroom

"Namjoon-"

He cut me off by hugging me.

"I saw you run off earlier, and it looked like you were crying." He spoke as we hugged, not daring to let go. "Were all those people too overwhelming for you? I'll send word to a Manager to make sure he tells the staff to back off."

I sniffed and hugged Namjoon to myself tighter.

"I'll sort everything out for you. Don't worry about anything." Namjoon backed up a little bit, but still held my hands lightly. "But you gotta tell me when something's bothering you so I know what to fix."

"Thank you." I forced myself to speak loud and confident. I have a job to do.

"Hey." Namjoon pulled me back to him after I tried to walk away. "I'm here for you."

"I know." I smiled softly. "Thank you."

And I walked off

——

"Jungkook, can you turn that off?" I spoke up loudly as Jungkook started to play their song Idol on his phone.

I forced myself to focus on the piano coming from my right AirPod as my other one was in its case so I could listen to the boys.

"Why?" Jungkook cracked a smile as he tossed a fry in his mouth. "Don't like it?"

"Yeah." I snapped back, turning off my phone. "I don't."

Jungkook paused the song, but didn't drop the topic. "How do you not like our music if you work here?"

All the other boys had stopped eating and sat with wide eyes, staring between Jungkook and I. I could tell some of them were interested in how this would turn out.

"I just don't." I felt my nose burn, my emotions having no containment after everything that has happened today.

"That's impossible-" Jungkook frowned deeper and clenched his fist.

"Jungkook, drop it." Jin warned, crumbling his napkin into a tight and angry ball.

"But I'm serious!" Jungkook let out a dry laugh. "So many people support us and your job is to literally promote us! So there should be no reason as to why-"

"Because it reminds me of the place where my parents used me as a sex doll for money!" I shouted, angry tears streaming down my face.

My lip trembled as I glared at Jungkook for a moment before breaking out into a sob, putting my head into my hands, shaking uncontrollably.

No one spoke as I cried.

Just as I was about to get up to leave, someone sat beside me and hugged me tightly, holding me together.

"Minjee-" Jungkook spoke, a soft tone to his voice.

"Don't!" Jin snapped as he hugged me. "Just don't even try. You did enough."

I kept hearing the drum of Idol's power, and that brought visions of men pleasing themselves.

He reached his hand out for me-

I buried my head into Jin's chest, clenching his sweatshirt as I tried to get the images out of my head.

"It's okay. It's okay." Jin repeated, quickly hugging me back. "You're in a field of roses. I'm there and so is Jiyoo. We just finished making flower crowns for each other and now we are running around, playing tag with one another." Jin rested his chin on my head. "You got that?"

I didn't respond and concentrated on the flowers.

"We've laughed and joked around all day, enjoying life and taking in each other's presence. I guess you could say it was the best day ever." Jin rubbed my back soothingly as he drew a beautiful imagine in my head.

"The best day ever." I repeated, my sobs reduced to tears in my eyes.

"I'm here, right beside you." Jin whispered soothingly. "I'm never going to leave you."

After a few more minutes, I found the strength to sit up from Jin and to face the boys.

The one who forced me to reveal it.

The one who hates me for not telling him earlier.

And the others, who didn't say out loud, but were craving for the truth and the story.

But they all also showed me the beauties and wonders of life, even if it was only for a day or two.

And the one who forced me to reveal, he was crying across from me, not realizing the intensity of what the truth would have.

The one who hated me for not reviewing, looks like he's falling apart, not believing it either. It was his fault that I felt so horrible, and he knows it.

The others are crying and sitting in shock, not expecting this from me, expecting some stupid excuse or a joke.

But this is real

And the truth holds nothing back. 

—————-

End Of 32

I cried too much over Lights.

Then again,

Who didn't?