Sorry, I know this is really short but i don't know if i'll be able to update later on so i thought i would give you all a short one to keep you going :D Enjoy! Tell me what you think so far
We pull up on a rundown council estate, its noisy. I see no people but I hear their loud voices in the distance. I hear them raising their voices at one another, arguing. I hear a bunch of language that I wouldn’t choose for Paisley to hear if I did have a choice, I don’t but its not like she hasn’t heard it all before. That alone disgusts me. I sit here in the front of the car trying to pull my thoughts together. My little sister is somewhere here, she has to be. Cheryl’s sure of it. She’s been here before and it shows. I’m a nervous wreck sat here looking warily out of the small squared window that separates me from the outside world. She’s relaxed, nothing ever seems to scare her. As I skim my eyes over my new, non-familiar surroundings the knot in my stomach grows as does my anxiety about being here, especially with my daughter. One dog continuously barks and shows no signs of stopping. It took us longer then I had expected to get here so the street lamps have just been turned on and they flicker in the dusk.
“Lets find your sister” Cheryl smiles at me and she gives my knee a quick little rub before getting out of the car to cross around the other end and open my door. I’m reluctant to get out and I’m sure I’d point blank refuse to if I didn’t have a good reason to. Cheryl seems completely unbothered like she’s totally used to this setting, its quite strange really. “Come on” She holds her hand out to me and I take it and let her help me out the car.
“You stay here with Paisley, I’ll j-“
She does a sarcastic little laugh and rolls her eyes while opening the back door and fiddling with Paisleys straps trying to get her out. She does and lifts her up and stands her on the ground by my leg. I quickly grab her hand before she even has a chance to think about making a run or it knowing fine well what she was thinking. “You must be crazy if you think I’m going to let you look for her on her own, I was brought up on a place like this. I know what it can like”
I pick up Paisley and she tries to wiggle from me, she’s pointing at the lake next to the shabby, abandoned park. “The ducks!”
“There’s no ducks babe, we have to go and look for your Amy” I tell her and brush her hair out of her face. This is the most I’ve spoke since getting in the car. I worry in silence, I always have. The last thing I wanted to do was bring Paisley but we all know how stubborn she is and since Cheryl returned home from her short trip Paisley has been really clingy and refuses to be left anywhere. She doesn’t mind that she’s here of course, she’s gotten her own way and she’s comfy under her thick coat. I can’t say the same, I’m shivering in the cold night weather. “I’ll ring her and see where abouts she is, she has to be around here somewhere” I say to Cheryl and she passes me her phone. I hold it to my ear listening for her voice but I don’t hear it, it rings off adding to my concern. “She isn’t picking up!”
“it’s alright just try again” I do and again she doesn’t answer. I don’t even know where she Is, I’m slightly apprehensive about her even being here. There is no stalls like she told me there would be. This doesn’t look like the place where pretty little stalls would sell nice smelling soaps or handmade bric-a-brac items. “Okay babe calm down” Cheryl tells me softly as she sees me start to get worked up and she reaches for my hand. Her skin is freezing against mine, as she holds onto it tighter her knuckles turn white.
“How can I stay calm, look around us Chez!” I snap and pull my hand from hers to run down my face. I take a deep breath and try and focus on anything but the anger settling in my stomach. “I don’t know what to do now, what will we do?” I ask desperately and Cheryl stays quiet, her lips part as she tries to think of something to do. We’re just stood here in a strange place at a loss end. I have no idea where Amy is or could be. I look at the flats, it’s a wall of them and I know that shes behind one of those windows I just need to work out which one. It’s easier said than done.
“I want to be down” Paisley whines and lays her hands on my chest to push herself backwards.
“Paisley can you please just… here” I pass her to Cheryl and she presses her lips against her forehead. “Why wont she fucking answer the phone?!”
“Shh” Cheryl hushes me and holds her hand to my face. Her dark eyes search my face trying to get some sort of contact with my own. She hitches Paisley up and moves her eyes to her. “You’re going to worry her, She has to be in there somewhere” She looks up and after a second or two her hand tightens. She takes a deep breath and steps backwards. “I … I don’t want you to panic” She begins to say, her voice cracks and I quickly follow her eyes and look up at what she’s looking at. My heart drops, I’m too aware of the blood thumping in my head, my hearts thumping even harder.
I look up and I see something I wish I didn’t. I see a body stood on top of the flats, I can barely make out what the shadow is until I see an arm raised in the air. I know that’s Amy, there’s no doubt about it. That’s my little sister. Right at this point I feel like I’m having an out of body experience. Without a single thought or stutter of a word I shove the phone into a startled Cheryl’s hand and start sprinting and sprinting without stopping. A gang of teenage boys have claimed he lift, they wolf whistle at me and mutter something I don’t have time to listen to. I ignore them and run past. I sprint up the stairs flight by flight ignoring the tight feeling in my chest. I don’t know how but I’m climbing up a red rusted pair of ladders, normally I would have been terrified but the adrenalin pumping through my blood is urging me on. I don’t even think about stopping. I hear a faint sob coming from above me, an all too familiar cry. The sort of cry that never fails to make me feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach a thousand times. I have no plan for when I reach where I want to be, when I see the body of my little sister so close to the edge of a building that she could easily plunge to her death from. I have no clue what I’m doing.
I finally reach the roof and I see her black shadow stood across the flat surface. She looks smaller than I ever remember her being. She’s stood just staring into nothing. The wind scares me; it terrifies me because in one gust she could be taken over the edge. Her blonde hair is loose. It’s flowing down her back and moving with every puff of bitter wind. She must be freezing. She’s only wearing a vest top and a pair of tracksuit bottoms cuffed tightly around her ankles under her white Nike trainers that I’ve never seen her wear before. I take a couple of steps forward on the rough flat surface. My knees shake even when I’m stood here, if I fell I would have nowhere to fall too. Not like my little sister stood so close to death. I try not to startle her, any sudden movements and it could all be over. “Amy?”
“Johnny?” She gasps as she turns around too fast for my liking, the sight in front of me makes me feel physically sick. She’s looking at me with wide, wet eyes shimmering under the moon that’s only just came into the clouded sky posing the threat of rain. I want to pull her away into the safety of my arms and scowled her for being so thoughtless, so stupid and so selfish. I have to be careful. Very careful. “Kimberley…” she squints and she twists her face. “What are you doing here”
“Come here, come to me” I hold both of my arms out and feel physically sick as she flinches at my voice. “Come on” I give her the faintest of smiles and I step forward again. She puts her hands in both of mine, I find myself sighing with relief as I pull her straight into me and I hold her in my arms knowing I have her safe but the tears still sting my eyes as I refuse to let them fall. Her fingers are bitter cold and stained a coppery red colour, they’re bloody from her lip which by now is swollen and covered in semi dry blood. I choose not to ask, not to say anything at all. I just hold her tighter than I ever have never wanting to let her go.
“You came” She whispers, her voice sounds like she has sandpaper in her throat. It’s raspy but quiet. Her fingers are gripping onto me like I’m going to somehow disappear into the darkness. I kiss the side of her head and close my eyes as she shivers against me.
“Of course I did, I always do” I hold her at arm’s length and its only now I see how damaged she really is. I glance at her fingers playing nervously with each other. Her harsh purple bruises swirl with red dancing dangerously up her arm. She notices me look so she turns her head, the muscles in her neck jolting out as she looks at anything but me. Her lip is still slightly bleeding although most of it has now dried up. I feel like we have turned back time and I’m stood here looking at myself. A damaged teenage girl that nobody had a clue about.
