I haven't updated in a few days so thought i'd make this a long one, am i forgiven?
“What are you doing awake at this time?” Cheryl’s voice punctures my thoughts. I’m brought out from my own little word as she flicks on the living room light and I blink through the brightness, squinting my eyes so I can see through the new blur that now complicates my sight. I turn around and she’s stood behind the sofa with a tired Paisley on her hip. Paisley raises her arm and rubs the seep from her eye with the back of her hand.
“I couldn’t sleep, what time is it?”
“Just turned seven, I’m going to get Paisley her breakfast”
“Thank you” I smile and she smiles back sweetly. The reason I was awake most of the night is because of course I’m worried about Amy. I’m worried that my Dad hasn’t taken her news in the best way. I know what he’s like, when I fell pregnant he didn’t speak to me for about a week. It was my mum who was my support system but now from what I’ve heard she isn’t willing to go through all of this again and I can’t say I blame her but she has to think of Amy and not herself. Cheryl looks at me again before carrying Paisley into the kitchen. I should have realised the time, I should have really gotten Paisley up for nursery while I was awake and let Cheryl have a much needed lie in but it just slipped my mind. I forgot all about it. I just continued to sit here lost in the dark with the two dogs perched by my legs.
Having enough of feeling sorry for myself I head into the kitchen. Cheryl’s flapping around as Paisley sits putting her hand in her cereal, she raises her chubby fist with food in it and dumps it beside her bowel onto the once clean wooden table. “What have I told you” Cheryl takes her hand and forces it open. The mushy food she’s just picked up drops back into the bowl with a splash and Cheryl quickly cleans her hands with a damp cloth. “If you do it once more I’m taking it off you and you can go to nursery hungry” Paisley grunts and allows Cheryl to put a spoon in her hand. She notices me stood by the door and rolls her eyes. .
“Giving you a hard time is she?”
“You can say that again, come here!” She extends her arm and I walk into her embrace. She quickly spins me around so my backs pressed against her front and she holds her arm around me tightly while placing the odd kisses from my neck to the side of my head. I giggle and nudge her off me. “Do you not want me kisses?” She asks pulling a face like she’s genuinely offended. Her bottom lip sticks out and I turn back around so I can kiss it easily.
“It tickled” I tell her and she brings her arms up to rest on both my shoulders and she kisses my nose. “What are you looking at me like that for?”
“I can’t help it, you’re just too beautiful”
“Cheesy!”
“You love us really”
“Of course I do, how could I not? Look at you. You’re adorable”
“Even like this?” She points at her makeup free face and raises her right eyebrow. I laugh and pull her even closer to me ignoring Paisley’s whining coming from behind her. Her voice is drowning on about how she doesn’t like the cereal in front of her which she normally asks for every morning. I can’t keep up with her. One minute she loves something, the next she hates it. I give up. “Kim?”
“Hmm?”
“I said do you even love us when I look like this?”
“Of course I do you nutter” I giggle against her parted lips.
*
Walking into the house I once used to live in is filled with an atmosphere I know all too well. There is no shouting; there’s no sound of breaking glass or raised voices its silent and that’s what worries me the most. It worries me because I remember days like these when I was growing up, the tension is so thick I’m surprised I can still breathe. I know this is a build up to a huge row between both of my parents. With Paisley refusing to let me leave her at nursery I’ve saved me the drama and brought her home. Well not home … here. To check on Amy. I want to see how she is after yesterday. Now when I think of her all I can remember is the crimson red blood stuck thickly to her lower lip where the fist of the person she thought the world of landed in a rage of anger, I can’t help but think of the purple and red bruises that swirled together up her arms. Again where he hurt her. “Where’s Amy?” Paisley asks me as we walk in. I close the door slowly behind me and turn around. The house seems empty but it couldn’t be, the door was unlocked and my dad’s car is still parked outside on the empty road.
