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NINETEEN SEVENTY NINE
Abhaya
Dreams occur involuntarily.
Everything you dream of is unexpected and nine times out of ten unexplainable.
While I was physically unconscious, my brain was still functioning with all the correct receptors.
So, I had a dream.
A dream of being in a van with Ricky, Angel, and Michael. I didn't know where we were going but I kept seeing unsharpened pencils everywhere, so Pennsylvania kept popping up into my head for some strange reason.
In the dream, I felt so tranquil, content with life even. The four of us were prototypes of nomadic hippies.
We sang about peace, we shared our love physically, and we got high. I never had a dream so buoyant and carefree before. I almost didn't want to wake up from my dream, but I figured that I would experience that dream in real life if I did. So I awakened.
The first thing I saw was a white ceiling, and the first thing I felt was the freezing air inside the room.
My eyes shifted down to see Ricky's head laying against my covered legs as his lower body was sitting inside a chair. He looked highly uncomfortable, but it made me smile that he put himself in that awkward position just to be close to me, to know that I was still here.I remembered hearing his voice ringing in my head as he told me to "stay away from the fucking light." I hated putting him in that scary situation.
But I needed him to hug me like he usually did when I came to him with my problems.
Ricky's love was hard to find and quite tricky to interpret; it only came out when he felt as if he needed it to be shown. I only ever saw his love when I leaned onto him for emotional support, and I tried not to do that very often.I knew Ricky hated being vulnerable, so I never badgered him on opening his heart, but when he did, it was like a breath of fresh air that you wanted to breathe over and over again.
"Ricky." I drowsily stated. "Ricky."
Suddenly, the door opened, Michael sauntered inside with two large coffees in both hands.
He used his mouth to hold onto a white bag with a McDonald's logo on the front. My eyes were low from how tired I felt, so he didn't notice that I was up.
I waited for him to place all the food down before speaking because I didn't want him to drop anything and waste all the money he spent on an egg, cheese, and bacon biscuit sandwich with the grape and strawberry jelly mixed.That was his favorite.
