Saved (Adopted by Brendon Urie)

#19

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Anna's POV

Life was getting better. We had one show left of the American tour in LA then home for two weeks then the world. I hadn't interacted with the fans as I either stayed on the bus or backstage during shows. I was too scared after what happened when I first interacted with them behind a screen, doing it in real life scared me even more.

I hadn't had a panic attack since the first show and I was 5 months clean. The voice had actually left me alone, but I was waiting for it to come back. Pete and Tyler kept checking in with me everyday, and I was genuinely telling them I was ok without lying.
No one had seen my scars still, it was something I was still extremely self conscious of them.

"Little Urie!"
"What's up Josh"
"Wanna go get some lunch before soundcheck?"
"Sure let me tell Brendon"

I still couldn't call Brendon or Sarah Mum and Dad, it didn't feel right. But they didn't mind.

"Brendon!" I call out to the other side of the bus
"Yeah?!" He shouts back
"I'm going to get lunch with Josh!"
"Ok. Just be back before soundcheck!"
"Thank you!"

I grab my jacket and meet Josh who was waiting out side the bus door.
"Let's go"
I follow him down the street to a small cafe.

"What do you want?" He asks me.
"Dunno. Maybe a coffee?" I question as I thought he might yell at me.
"Anna. You know you can order whatever you want, I don't mind."
"Oh ok."

A waitress comes around to collect our order.
"I'll have a coffee and pancakes please" Josh says.
"Umm and I'll have a coffee and blueberry muffin" I say quietly.
She smiles and walks off.

"You ok A?"
"Yea I just don't like social situations" I explain. "They scare me"
He nods.
"It's ok. Your social anxiety will get better over time. It can be really scary can't it?"
"Yea..."
"Excited to be home?" He asks, trying to change the conversation.
"Yep. Definitely. I've missed Sarah" I say while looking out the window, I hadn't seen Sarah since the time she visited us mid way through tour.
"What are you looking at?"
"Oh nothing. Just thought I saw someone I knew."
"Oh"

Our food and drinks arrive and we start eating and drinking, talking about all sorts of things.

We finish our meal and head back to the buses.
"Thank you Josh"
"No problem Little Urie. I love spending time with you"
Smiling, I walk into the Panic! bus.
"I'm back!"
"Oh good" Brendon comes to me and drags me to his computer.
"Woah! Brendon! What are you doing?"
"I can't figure this thing out on my computer"
"Is Grandpa Disco back?"
"He never left! Help!"
"Ok ok ok. Chill"

I press a few buttons and click a few things.
"There. All done"
He hugs me as if I had saved his life,
"Thank you so much Anna"
"All good Grandpa Disco"

Laughing I grab my phone and tweet:

@/annarurie:
Grandpa Disco is back. 😂 @/brendonurie

There was a loud knock at our door.
"Yo. Open up"
"It's open Dallon"

A few seconds later Dallon came up to us.
"Come on. You've got soundcheck"
"Oh shit yeah. Mike, Dan, Nicole! Soundcheck!"
"They are already there waiting for you" Dallon says, laughing.
"Oops. You coming A?"

I think for a moment. He asks me every day and I always say no in fear of fans but this time...

"Yep"
I can see the smile on Brendon's face grow.
"Awesome A, let's go"

We walk out the bus door and to the backstage door. We show our passes and walk to the stage.
"Brendon. You're here. Finally" Dan says, clearly joking unimpressed.
"Better late than never" He shrugs.

I find a seat in the back of the arena.
"Can you hear me!" He shouts in his microphone.
I cover my ears and nod my head.

———

Panic! finishes their soundcheck and we have 3 hours until show time.
"Let's go back to the bus and celebrate the last United States show"
We all nod in agreement and leave the stage.

Outside the door were many fans waiting for the band. The band takes photos with all the fans while I stand awkwardly off to the side.

"You know, no one likes you. You don't deserve to live with Brendon. He really hates you." Some random girl whispered in my ear then had the audacity to run up to Brendon and shout things like, "I love you. You're amazing. I support you in every way"
More fans surrounded me.
"We all just wanted to say how much we hate you and I specially wanted to say that you should die."

Ha. See even a real person thinks those things. It's not just me. Just do everyone a favour and fucking die!
Please leave me alone you left for so long.
Die
No
Yes
NO
Why not?
FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE

All the fans left and I followed the band to the buses.
"Met some fans?" Mike asks me.
I nod my head.
"I'll be back" I tell everyone.
"Ok. You good?"
"Yes Brendon. I'm ok"

I grab the piece of metal and run to the bathroom.

I lock the door and crash to the floor. Crying, I pull my sleeve up.
Should I do this?
Heck yes you should. You deserve it
But I'm 5 months clean. I can stay strong for longer
Oh come on. 5 months is long enough. Do it.
With teary eyes, I push the metal into my skin and drag it across my arm.
I cry as I add more scars to my collection; arm, shoulder.

"Anna? You ok?"
Fuck. How long have I been here?
"Yes I'm fine"
"Are you sure? It sounds like you're crying"
"Yes Tyler. I'm fine"
"Open the door"
"No I'm ok. I'll be out in a second"

I sit there until I hear him walk away. I stand up, wash my face and clean my cuts. I walk out and join the others. Tyler looks over at me and worryingly looks at me.
"I'm fine" I mouth at him.
He nods his head but I can tell he doesn't believe me.