Chapter One - Firecracker and Glasses

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I know who I am now And all that you've made of me I know who you are now And I name you my enemy

I know who I am now I know who I want to be I want to be more than this devil inside of me

Dear Wormwood by the Oh Hellos

~*~

I don't want to be here... not anymore, at least.

When he woke up in the morning he had felt excited—so excited he nearly made himself sick. He had bounced around, ignoring his mother's pinched face, hardly able to sit still the entire trip to London. Since their house wasn't connected to the floo network and his father wasn't the best at Apparation, it was either driving or going into the nearby community for the public floo network connection... and going into town wasn't much of an option either, as they were a very secretive and private family. So it was by car, and finally, after what felt like ages to the small boy, they arrived at King's Cross station and the three of them went through the barrier... onto Platform Nine and Three Quarters.

That's when everything drained out of him. He just stood stock still, terror creeping into his body. His mother stood on one side of him, face still pinched. His father stood on the other, looking rather surly. He knew if he said something they'd happily take him back home and that'd be that. I could. Mum and Dad were probably right... I don't belong here... He swallowed and took an involuntary step back as a group of kids ran past him laughing. So many people.

"Are you all right?" his dad asked, sounding rather bored.

He slowly nodded and then bowed his head, looking down at his trunk. It was an old trunk someone had brought into the shop where his father worked and Lyall had fixed it up and reinforced the spells so it looked fairly decent, if still a bit battered. His initials—R.J.L.—were stamped on one side in glittering gold letters. Inside were his new school uniforms as well as clothes for the weekends. Books he was bringing to read if he had any spare time. Some candy, tucked away. A little bit of money, for any emergency. And his school books. A world of knowledge waiting for me. He had already read through most of them but reading them and being taught were two different things and if he turned back now...

"Are you ready?" his mother asked.

"Yes." He sounded braver than he felt.

She gave a bit of a sniffle and knelt down, smoothing down his hair and then kissing his forehead. "If you need anything just write to us, you've got Arthur now." She nodded her head at the cage on top of the trunk which held the family's ancient owl. "We'll come get you immediately."

"Yes, Mum." He was trying not to tremble, trying not to show fear.

His dad took his stuff onto the train and he started to follow him however his mother grabbed his arm. "Actually, if anything happens, send word through Dumbledore, he'd be quicker than Arthur," she said and he nodded. "You'll be careful, won't you?"

No, Mum, I plan on screaming it at the top of my lungs my first night there. "Of course I will!"

"You know the rules we agreed on..."

He looked her square in the face and repeated the words she had drilled into his head every single day since the meeting with Dumbledore. "Keep to myself, don't draw attention to myself, don't do anything to cause any sort of risk, avoid any sort of duel or fight."

She stroked his hair gently. "And above all?"

"And above all... don't make friends."

"Good."

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