Four To The End (prev Shifting Lines) - Book One (Marauder Era)

Chapter Nineteen - But Pettigrew Could Have Gotten Him

Over the next couple days, Remus kept having the image of his own battered four-year-old body pop up in his head. It set him on edge, especially with the full moon coming up, and on Wednesday during a Herbology exam he could barely focus and only just finished answering the last question when Sprout said to put their quills down. When he left the greenhouse he was rubbing his forehead and blinking in confusion at all the happy noise around him, part of his brain still down in that cellar with his toddler self.

I was four, he thought Wednesday night after Astronomy as he lay in bed staring at the ceiling. I didn't understand any of it. He tried to purposely dredge up memories but couldn't. All he could manage was that brief image he got from Tuesday. What did my parents do? How did they comfort me? How could they comfort me...? He tried to remember the earliest transformation he could but they all just sort of blended together in a blur of pain and terror. His mother sobbing afterwards, carefully cleaning him off, trying to bandage his wounds, putting him in his bed...

Remus rolled over, hugging his pillow, swinging back into wishing he were at home with his mother now. He missed his father too but there was something distant and cool about him most the time. His mother was the one who showed her heart on her sleeve and gave him the love he didn't deserve. Maybe it's since she's a Muggle and doesn't really understand. He gave a little sigh and closed his eyes, eventually drifting into a nightmarish sleep full of the images that plagued him during the day.

*

Potions on Thursday. Remus still didn't have a way to stop the scents and it was a particularly bad day as Slughorn went on about a multitude of ingredients they'd be practicing on and worst of all, one of the things needed was an item Remus dreaded using. He remembered when he got his beginner's potions kit and saw the item inside. He cried for a good ten minutes.

"All right everyone," Slughorn said with a clap of his hands, "for the amphyr roots you'll need your silver knife."

Remus took in a deep breath and carefully opened the little kit. The silver knife was wrapped up in leather which his father had done for him. Slowly Remus pulled it out, doing his best to appear calm and collected as he set the knife down then picked it up by its handle which was not silver. It pulsed in his hand though, the feel of pure silver being so close to his body making him feel terrible.

"B--be careful!" he said as next to him Pettigrew was going at the amphyr root with zest, his hand and the silver knife flailing about. Remus scooted a bit, hoping he didn't look as pale as he felt. At the front of the room, Slughorn was eyeing him. Remus swallowed and then began chopping the roots up as best he could, his hands only slightly shaky. It was made harder due to the fact some students were already moving on to the next ingredient which was the amphyr petals which gave off a very strong heady scent. He began to grow dizzy even before he was done with the roots.

"Mr. Lupin, these do need to be done by the end of class... Mr. Pettigrew, are you chopping or mutilating?" Slughorn asked, looking with disdain at the shreds in front of Pettigrew. "Mr. Black, they're very uneven there... Mr. Potter, quite good, quite good..."

Remus was the last one to finish with the roots and then began plucking the petals off the flower, swaying a bit in his seat and feeling rather drifty. He began giggling at nothing, then giggling even more as Pettigrew pulled a petal off so hard the flower gave a squirt right in his eye and he had to be taken to the back of the room to get his face cleaned off.

"Some of you may be feeling the giddy effects of the amphyr head," Slughorn said, mostly looking at Remus who began giggling again. "Mr. Lupin, please remove yourself until you calm down."