Guilt

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Sasuke got off his bed because of a loud banging on his door in the morning, he wasn't asleep he was awake thanks to some hyuga he knew he couldn't sleep. He walked to the door already knowing who was behind it "What's it dope?" He glared at the blonde who disturbed his peaceful morning "you're late!" His glare didn't faded "for what?" Naruto frowned his brows and folded his arms "the first group are leaving today did you forgot we" he pointed at himself "are supposed to gather with kakashi-sensei and Shikamaru too"sasuke rolled his eyes "do i have to see them off?" They were supposed to meet later ,he wanted to skip seeing the first group leaving, he had intended actually but the main reason wasn't with them now ,so why did he have to now? Naruto grabbed sasuke by his arm and for the first time sasuke regretted rejecting sakura and Tsunade's offer for an arm. "Come on moron we don't want to be late" sasuke snatched his arm and headed for the bathroom and showered when Naruto heard the water stopped he leaned against the bathroom's door playing with his hands "teme, do you think that it's too early for marriage" sasuke stopped drying his hair and looked at the mirror ,he questioned himself if he heard right "I'm not married yet,but.." he stopped talking and looked down "I don't know, I'm having doubts I think I should've become the hokage then thought about marriage" sasuke kept his mouth shut letting the blonde behind the door threw his thought out of his head, he wished to  do the same but not with Naruto. "I'm wondering if I would lazy around and neglect my dreams or if I would break my marriage too early" what made this idiot think like that? "I think I need more time" sasuke couldn't find the words, what was he supposed to do. He wiped the mirror to have a better view of himself. This was his best friend asking for an answer and sasuke felt cold fire inside him ,he touched the spot where it was so loud inside it was beating by only thinking about her then his hand ran over his cheek it was like his whole body belonged to her not him it was like she could control everything ,she had effected every part of him. He really wanted to say take a break from this marriage but this was his friend too. So he kept his silent "I honestly sometimes thought about breaking up" Naruto almost fell back when the door opened revealing a mad sasuke with a glare and only a towel around his waist."Teme!" At the sight of his friend he couldn't help the guilt that started to build inside him but what did he do? He couldn't control it..But he hadn't done anything wrong. At that thought a flashback of what kept him awake passed in front of him "be safe" he almost close his eyes to have the same feeling again, her small arms, her soft voice fading with the wind "Oi, teme we're late" he opened his eyes wide ,he almost forgot that naruto was there and then again this feeling started digging inside him. How could she do that? One second he was in heaven and the other second he was in hell. Fighting against himself and his guilt . he let Naruto drag him out of his place.
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Sasuke walked beside his friend who had talked about everything and then fell silent. "Hinata-chan and i were talking about you last night" sasuke finally gave his attention to Naruto who was looking down smiling sadly (what the hell?) "Thank you sasuke, you took a good care of her while I'm not there" again his guilt washed over him. he heard him chuckle slightly "I couldn't sleep" sasuke pretended that he wasn't paying attention but his ears were only to Naruto. "Why?" What Naruto said alarmed the uchiha, Naruto chuckled slightly "she was talking about the whole night" Now that stopped him, sasuke wasn't a curious person but that had wanted to jump at Naruto with many questions what did she said? How was her expression when she mentioned his name? Did she have the same feelings as him whenever she crossed his head? But he can't ask Naruto. So he just walked in silent again leaving those unanswered questions inside.
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They had gathered at the gate waiting for the hokage to show up but as always he was late. "Kiba-kun, I'm serious please be careful" she hit his shoulder for his nonsense then she looked to her right "you too shino-kun" the aburama nodded his head and fixed his glasses it had been a while since she met them , they had changed, a lot. She could see the hight difference between her and them she barely reached their chin, and kiba started to grow his beard even though it wasn't showing she could see the few hair in his jaw. When they saw the nara coming they were relieved but after a minutes the hokage wasn't with him "Oi, Shikamaru where kakashi?" He just shook his head and headed for the person he came for. It felt like the whole people were staring at him and that made it a little.. uncomfortable. He walked past team8 passed the guards passed the sand's shinobi and passed her. To reach her "Ino" the blonde haired  kunoichi "ahh, shika?!!" There was a faint blush he didn't notice in her cheeks "kakashi?" And he just shook his head again "I came here before him" as always ino took his arm and turned him to the other blonde who was chatting "Look at her, She had dressed up like that just to say have a safe trip?" But he wasn't looking at that kunoichi he was staring at her she had put a mask she wore when she gossiped about other people, and he was the only person who loved that face. The other had described her as two faced or liar and even coward but she didn't change she wouldn't it was her life why would she change for other that what she said when he fish asked her. "Hey" she shook him roughly "she is leaving tomorrow make sure to say goodbye" before he said anything other two shinobi came "ooiii, goood morning everyone" "shut up t
You're loud" Naruto came with his loud mouth as always followed by the last uchiha shikamaru's eyes fell on the hyuga fast "she was staring at them but he couldn't tell which one she was staring at and it was at that time he wished she had a dark eyes then his Eyes drifted to the uchiha again. "Kakashi-sensei hasn't come yet?" Kiba shook his head "damn that lazy sensei" sasuke searched for a certain hyuga and he found her fast she avoided his eyes pretending to play with kiba's dog was she staring at him? That thought was enough reason to sneak a little happiness inside him. He settled his eyes on her not caring about the other watching him he knew there were those small, dark brown eyes watching him but he did nothing he could tell she was trying her hardest to avoid his eyes although she would glance at them for a second and he didn't know if he should be happy or not about that. "You're Late!!" The blonde hero yelled at the hokage who came rubbing his head as he  found an excuse for his late presence "I lost the way here" there mumbling around all the group "How could he lost when he is already the hokage?" Hinata laughed at her teammate's comment and the first group gathered in front of the hokage.
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Sasuke was looking for an excuse to skip the meeting with the hokage and especially his advisor they had informed him about everything for the mission so what now? Wasn't it enough to just drag him out of his place in the morning but at least he found a good reason to forgive kakashi and Naurto he had seen her blushing all the time with her red cheeks avoiding his eyes and it was like that day was his lucky day his dark eyes fell on her again she was sitting in this weird place, his feet leaded him towards her, to the seat next to her "What's that?" He watched her in amusement as she jumped from her seat looking at him with wide eyes ready to fight. Sasuke almost lost in her eyes before she hide them with her bangs and fixed herself "th..thi...a...letter" at least he understood a word he stepped closer and she stepped back but the desk was behind sasuke hovered over her to the laying paper on the wooden desk "to Hinata Hyuga?" He read the name topping the paper and stepped back she could finally breath now "are you writing a letter to yourself?" That sounded stupid to him "To..my olde self" she whispered "what?" That sounded even more stupid so he snatched the paper from behind her "To hinata hyuga this me the same as you but in the future—" she jumped and snatched it from his hand "You can't read it out loud!" Was she mad? Was that how she yelled at someone lucky Naruto. Then she looked down it was like she regretted yelling at him like it was a mistake it wasn't for him sasuke started feeling more comfortable, relieved it was like what he felt before wasn't enough ,those feelings wouldn't change be they were getting more and more like every time he spent with he would go home lay on his bed replaying his beautiful times with her and figured a new feeling for her he didn't get tired or bored whenever he thought about her it was like she was the only thing in his entire miserable life that could pull him from his darkness to the safety. He wouldn't describe her as a lightness he hate light. The only shine he loved was her name he remembered when he started to watch the sun raising in the morning and how he admitted his feelings for this beautiful person in front of him "you can't read it loud it won't work" he leaned on the chair beside him raising his brow to show his confusion "look" she took her paper to explain to him "this a letter for your old self like what do you want to tell your self in the past" that didn't make any sense to him his old self was him right now he had grown up and the past had passed there was no old or future self it him now before and after no one else "this is ridiculous" she looked down to her hand shamefully "I know but you know at least if you have any regrets it will make it" She stopped to chose the right word to describe it "less heavy?" She said it as a question and sasuke didn't know if he should answer or not. He decided to try it if that meant to spend a few more minutes with her ,maybe to have something that could make him up all the night "and then what?" He asked as he sat and started to to write the beginning of the letter To Sasuke Uchiha "And then you will have to throw it at the river" that sounded more ridiculous but he did it anyway he looked at her she seemed serious about it she wrote something then played with the pen thinking hard. Sasuke looked down at his paper and started writing the strange thing was as he thought about her words he became serious with what to write down.
To Sasuke Uchiha:
It became awkward at first he didn't know what to write he hadn't done this before only in mission and it was like
kakashi
I finished the mission and I'm coming back
Sasuke
And that was it but this was different, it wasn't a mission it was a letter to someone he didn't know if this someone was someone dear or not to him. If he thought about the people he cherished his brother would cross his mind, his family,his clan, his team and... sasuke looked to the person next to him her. But she was in a different level than everyone else. He didn't know how she had that place so easily. He thought that he locked that place closed that it would never open he even thought that he didn't have that kind of thing inside but he did when he thought he would settle she appeared he focused again on the paper in front of him
I'm not as good as the person next me is and I don't know if you would find this or not and the real question would be I don't know why I'm writing this? Maybe a small part of me would want you to read this but
He stopped at that,  the words he had in mind flew off leaving an empty space
I'm sorry
(For what?) and as soon as he asked himself that he found a lot of reasons to be sorry at.
I couldn't give you a reason to make you look forward to in our life, I haven't found one
To him it was like surviving a storm to find another one behind
But if I could make you avoid something I would say seek a reason for what my brother had done
It would hurt him he knew but at least if he did that he would have avoided a lot and take a step forward maybe with itachi by his side. The pain hadn't faded it was getting worse, like it was a part of him. He shut his eyes hard and held the pen tight that was his way to escape the growing pain but as always he failed so why was he trying. It was empty inside him not cold, not dark but empty. Something cold rest on his hand waking him up from his thoughts it was cold as a wet towel and when hr opened his eyes he found a soft small white hand holding his gently "sasuke-kun" he looked to his side and saw her worries all over her face "if you finished writing put inside this bottle and make sure to close it" she tried to cover her worries with that. Sasuke looked at his letter again
But there is this person I don't know If you would remember her? But I will try to remind you
He start to think about a memory he had with her and he found nothing. But he remembered Naruto saying something when he got back from his mission with her over the moon. (The test!) Iruka's test
"If the world were to end tomorrow, who would you like to spend your last day with?"
When Naruto reminded him of that he didn't remembered so why did he remembered when he is with her now?
If you looked to your left a little, at least if you did you will find something you thought you wouldn't have
Maybe if he did at that time he would find a name to write down.
And I'm sorry that I don't have much to tell you
Sasuke Uchiha
He ended it like that the same as kakashi "I will bring you a bottle just wait here" she walked away leaving sasuke wondering about her letter he stared at it long then decided to see what it had inside
Dear Hinata Hyuuga:
This The same as you but I have passed the time when you're living right now, I'm engaged right now and I would keep the person a secrete from you, I would like you to enjoy the moment as I did.
He imagined the feelings she would has if she really read it, a mixture of surprise ,shock and curiosity and there would be a little disbelieve, but there was this sweet feeling in it (as expected from her)
I wanted to tell you a lot of things about hanabi-chan ,father and everyone , but there is the most important thing. Don't waste your time in anyone else but yourself you don't know how strong, beautiful you are. And your life is so wonderful you would meet a lot of people, people you thought wouldn't know who you're, life is full of surprises so just live it, enjoy it, make sure to have a beautiful memory everyday. And the last thing I wanted to tell is that I love you so much, hanabi-chan loves you so much , father loves so much, I hope you have a beautiful life like mine
Hinata Hyuuga
Her letter was  different than his, it had a lot of words, support and a lot of feelings inside it.
She had told herself to be strong and she kept Naruto a secret so she could have the same feelings she had, she even told herself how much she loved her, did he write that? No he didn't now he could see the difference between him and her and why she picked Naruto instead of him.
Years passed and he was still living his past as if it was weeks ago he folded her letter to put it in the bottle without much focus, the feeling that climbed his chest pained him so much , he wasted so much time, his life was right in front of him and he just chose to stay in the corner alone and waste his time itachi would disappointed
"Here this is for you" sasuke sighed and tried to move his hand to put the letter inside but couldn't something heavy rested on his shoulders he felt numb. Hinata took his letter and stuffed it inside and she tapped his shoulders "let's go" and so he walked with her.
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Shikamaru glared at Naruto they were all here Naruto, sakura, rock lee and tenten they were all here but one "where's sasuke?" Naruto sighed this was the 5th time they ask him "I told you I don't know, he said he would come and then he just disappeared " kakashi sighed "we need to discuss the mission everyone is here" Shikamaru looked aside and sighed "Naruto go to his place to see where he is" Naruto walked to the huge window and opened it before making his clones jumping outside of the window "I will go too" sakura offered without waiting for a reply she just walked out of the door running.
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She lead him to a far place he heard the sound of the water it was so... relaxing. "This place is a little far from the village" she smiled at him before she walked to the river and stood she looked behind her shoulders to him inviting him to join her and so he did he made his steps towards her and they both knelt holding their bottles hinata knelt a little further and gently let the river wash her hand as she released the bottle "gently so it won't broke" she whispered to him "you know they said make a wish when you released them it will come true" he looked at her "did make a wish?" She nodded shyly and he loved those red cheeks he avoided staring at her and closed his eyes thinking about a wish as he put his hand on the river it didn't take long the feeling of the water over his hand gave him one then he released the bottle letting the river took it to unknown place.
"Did you make a wish?" He looked to her and noticed how close they were her huge eyes were wide full of curiosity her cheeks and lips drew her beautiful smile wide he stared at her longer maybe this would be the last time he see her before tomorrow he will have to fo somewhere for a week maybe more without seeing her and that was enough pressure to make him awake that night should he tell her? Surprisingly hinata acted first her hand slowly found his face and she removed his hair from his eye and stared at it before she rested her hand on his cheeks her eyes didn't avoid his and sasuke was fighting himself to not kneel and have those lips he just gulped before she surrounded his neck with her arms "please come back safely" he had only one arm but it was enough to held her body to him he hided his face on her shoulders searching for the guilt inside there was none he had to make a beautiful memory at least this one day as she said on her letter so he held into her unaware of the third person who was watching them from afar.

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