𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞 𝙖𝙢 [𝗻𝗼𝗮𝗵 𝘀𝗰𝗵𝗻𝗮𝗽𝗽] ✓

Forty

noah pov

"well, when can i see her?" i ask politely for the last time.

"right now is not-" the receptionist says for the fifth time, but i interrupt.

"ma'am, with all due respect, i could care less about right now. when. can. i. go. in?" i say sternly. she stops typing into her computer and pulls her glasses off her nose, rubbing her temples with her thumbs.

"hon, just go in for all i care. at this point in my career, i've learned it's best not to fight with the opposing teams." she says finally. i cast her a look of gratefulness and march down the halls, roses in hand.

last night i wasn't able to stay with her, but i stayed up all night trying to figure out a way to cheer her up. before i left, i could tell something wasn't right, but it was way to late in the night to pry things open. it's best to wait for the morning, right?

i knock three times on the door and crack it open, revealing y/n sitting in her hospital bed, reading a book. she looks up and a small smile pops onto her face. it leaves when she sees the roses. weird.

"can you leave those outside? this new medicine they have me on causes smells to make me sick." she says with a sympathetic expression. i follow her instructions and walk out the door, leaving them on a random little table outside her room.

"new medicine?" i ask as i enter back into the room, closing the door. her mom isn't anywhere in sight, so it's just the two of us. perfect.

"for my heart. listen, there's something we need to talk about." she says and scoots back in the bed, patting for a place for me to sit. when i sit down, she takes my hands in hers, pulling me in for a hug. 

when she pulls back, her face is almost green. she sits up and walks quickly over to the bathroom. behind the closed door, i can hear the sound of dry heaving. shoot, my jacket smells like her favorite cologne of mine. i pull it off and bring it outside and set it on the table along with the roses. when i get back in she's sitting down, trying to get comftorable.

"what were you saying?" i ask as she settles down.

"i-....i have an eating disorder, which is really big for me to admit." she says and sinks into her pillow. her words hit me like a blow to the chest. for a minute everything stops and i look into her eyes. i see fear and guilt. shame.

"what...does that mean? are you okay?" i ask. i know what it means, i just need confirmation. she looks down to her hands and i can see marks on her palm from where she was digging her fingernails into her skin.

"it means that i'm underweight, that i'm unhealthy...my heart is messing up." she says, scared. i take her into my arms and wrap myself around her, bringing her close.

"what's going to happen to you." i ask.

"we don't know. for now our- i mean my focus is on my heart and blood sugar. after that isn't decided yet." she says and i can hear the hurt and raw emotion in her voice. it tears me apart. knowing that all of this was going on without me knowing.

"how long." i ask.

"a while. since we got home, maybe even before that. the thoughts around it were there even before i met you." she says into the air, i can barely hear her. i get up and walk outside, away from the window. when i'm sure no one is looking, my knees buckle and i fall to the ground. 

tears fall down my face. the love of my life is unhealthy, maybe even dying. for a small moment i let myself break, but pull myself together. the last thing she needs right now is me to be fragile. i walk back in an apologize. she gives me a smile and we lay together.

"does anyone else know?" i question. she shakes her head. i assume her mom knows, but what about livi, millie, sadie...everyone. it's not something that really needs to be shared with the whole world. it makes sense to tell me and livi, maybe millie and sadie, but the internet is a definent no. she needs privacy.

"how do you feel?"

a/n -

quick little filler. so sorry for the long wait, i was away camping for a week with no computer to type on. tonight and tomorrow are all i have time for to update, so here's this. all this week except for tomorrow i'll be gone and won't be able to write at all. i love all of you so much. you are all so incredibly beautiful in every way.

<3 lilia